Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

Do you scroll through Netflix to find a good show for your dog to watch when you leave the house or are you normal?

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

I liked the version of you from the other dimension better.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

You should be able to wash your hair and it stays washed. What do you mean I have to do it again?

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

Whatever you ask the Universe for under this post, you will get next week.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

Even though he murders a lot of people, you can tell Freddie Kruger is a fun loving guy cause he goes by Freddie and not Fred or Frederick.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

Nobody stresses a woman out more than a man who isn’t her man yet.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has viewed:

Thinking of starting a religion around cheese.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

The only recipes they have online are where I’m the one who’s supposed to buy all this stuff and then make it. That’s not what I’m looking for.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

Wisdom of the day: Don’t do anything you don’t want to explain to the paramedic.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

Diarrhea. Having it. Spelling it. Everything about it is shit.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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3,386

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Messenger:

Marriage is for life. But when that was first said, life was shorter.

Making waves on Instagram:

Only in America can a kid wear $150 shoes, sip a $8 coffee, and post from a $1,200 phone about being oppressed and claiming capitalism has failed them.

Spotted on Facebook:

You want me to do Pilates? The thing that killed Jesus?

Breaking via Snapchat:

Can I come over and figure you out?

Live now on WhatsApp:

You have one week to ask me to be your Valentine. Requests must be in the form of poetic verse written in your blood.

Spotted on Discord:

Feels like if cicadas are allowed to just sit in a tree and scream, I should also be.

Breaking via WeChat:

Not to brag, but I skipped my mid-life crisis and went straight to cranky old man.

Just landed via Messenger:

Imagine having someone to come home to who doesn’t have fur.

Spotted on Telegram:

Welcome to your 40s. You’re home from the party before you used to go out for the party in your 20s.

Trending via Twitch:

We should be able take jets and tanks and stuff whenever we want, we paid for them.

Disliking me is valid. I probably confronted you on your poor behavior, while everyone else just accepted it.

1 month ago

Witty quote highlighting honesty about confronting bad behavior with playful sarcasm.

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Commentary:
Sounds like I should start a support group for those who can't handle the truth! 🤣 #TruthHurts

acceptance, attitude, behavior, confrontation, dislike, else, everyone, feeling, honesty, i, interaction, just, me, poor, social, social interaction, valid, valid feeling, while

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95 shares on WeChat this month:

Currently looking for tickets for the first flight back to the ’90s.

59 shares on Telegram this month:

I am not in a good place, geographically.

16 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I wish I had the determination of my wife, who’s still flipping through radio stations as we pull into our driveway.

70 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If you’re going to text your boss that you’re an hour late, make sure you end with, “I’m bringing you a ham and cheese croissant.”

67 shares on Facebook this month:

That uncle who kept his distance from the rest of the family will start making more sense to you as you get older.

57 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My ex was like “I know a spot,” then took me to the lowest point in my life.

79 shares on X this month:

I’ve decided that my 20s are actually from 25 – 35.

40 shares on Telegram this month:

If you pass out in front of your kids they will either try to call an ambulance or use you as a trampoline. You just don’t know.

100 shares on TikTok this month:

Why’d they call it a fly swatter and not a splatula?

55 shares on WeChat this month:

Imagine the sound a centipede would make if they wore tiny flip flops.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

Seems like the ‘how to use a fire extinguisher’ video on YouTube shouldn’t have a 30-second ad before it.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

There should be an opposite of Valentine’s Day where you post Instagram photos of your enemy.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

Scrolling should count as cardio.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

I need to be more disciplined and stop procrastinating, starting tomorrow.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

Type of hangover that makes you understand why normies spend $25 for a poor soul to bike a bagel to them.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

I do not have a “body count.” I have a curious spirit.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

My mom and all her opinions are visiting this weekend.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

I’m gonna start cursing people out but with biblical phrases like I hope your crops wither and bear no fruit and the ravens eat your mustard seeds.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

Many of you need to put “lighten up” on your resolutions list.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Facebook:

If I ever look at my phone in the middle of a conversation with you, I’m not reading a text; I’m just looking up the definition of a word I just used a bit too confidently.

Spotted on Instagram:

“Bye, have a great day, I’ll see you after school”, I tell the orange in my kid’s lunch.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

I don’t know what kind of sex makes y’all want a joint bank account, but I ain’t had it yet.

Spotted on Threads:

We’re in the middle of a snowstorm with no cake in the house. I never expected to perish like this.

Just landed via Pinterest:

I don’t just hold a grudge; I love it, pet it, feed it and take it for long walks on the beach.

Spotted on Telegram:

Somebody needs to get my shit together.

Spotted on Instagram:

My mother told me there is a girl for me in every corner of the earth, but unfortunately the earth is round.

Live now on TikTok:

Trying to explain that I’m fascinated by Japan for wood joinery reasons and not nerd or pervert reasons.

Trending via Snapchat:

I don’t know why everyone wants love like in the movies. A movie is only 2 hours.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Gyms are empty because they’re all on weight loss drugs.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Disliking me is valid. I probably confronted you on your poor behavior, while everyone else just accepted it.

Words I heard most when I ran errands with my dad: “Wait in the truck.”

The only reason I’d want to go to heaven is to complain to the manager.

My opinion of the American education system is largely based on how many nuggets I get when I order a ten piece.

I’m now at the age where happy hour is a nap.

I remember when I was broke… I’m still broke, that’s why I remember so well.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Disliking me is valid. I probably confronted you on your poor behavior, while everyone else just accepted it.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Words I heard most when I ran errands with my dad: “Wait in the truck.”

The only reason I’d want to go to heaven is to complain to the manager.

You unfollow me because you are afraid of falling in love with me. I know!

My opinion of the American education system is largely based on how many nuggets I get when I order a ten piece.

I’m now at the age where happy hour is a nap.

I remember when I was broke… I’m still broke, that’s why I remember so well.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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