Wordgag 🎅

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇺 has downloaded:

I talk a lot of shit for someone who is startled by my own toast popping up while I’m watching it. Every. Single. Time.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

Sexting is hilarious, when you think about it. Like, this email truly should’ve been a meeting.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

According to the smoke alarm, the food is ready.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

Every day Facebook tells me I have memories and wants to show them to me. It’s like they have no appreciation for the cost or the amount of liquor I needed to erase them.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

Remind the demons under your bed that you’re the landlord, raise the rent.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

Schedule your bikini wax for the first thing in the morning, and you won’t need that cup of coffee.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

No email needs to tell me not to reply.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

I wasn’t made to hustle and bustle. I was made to dilly and dally.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

I have a lot to offer! Most of it’s bad, but it’s still a lot.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

If you ever need me, I’m always just a couple missed calls and text messages away.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

508 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,101

Funny Quotes Topics

17,252

Funny Quotes Images

15,101

Dec 23, 2025

3,715

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Discord:

One of my greatest strengths is appearing busy so people don’t try to speak to me.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Oh right, like you’ve never let your kids stay lost in a corn maze just a little longer.

Seen just now on X:

I will sit in the rain about this.

Spotted on WeChat:

Home is where the Wi-Fi connects automatically and no one chews loud.

Spotted on Discord:

Can you check if my lips taste like cherries?

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Many men also have a walk-in closet. For them, it’s just called a floor.

Breaking via Instagram:

I have no need to judge people because of their religion, skin color or sexual orientation. Bad behavior is enough for me.

Going viral on X:

If you are hotter than me, it means I’m cooler than you.

Shared recently on YouTube:

I need someone to wring out my brain like a dishrag.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Bugs Bunny taught me that my choices aren’t limited to fight or flight, I can also pretend I’m a pretty lady.

Doing nothing is hard. You never know when you are done.

2 months ago

0

Doing nothing is hard. You never know when you are done.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the eternal struggle of doing nothing… It's a real challenge when you're not sure if you've truly mastered the art of idleness 🤔💤 Who knew being unproductive could be so perplexing? Perhaps we should all aim to be 'un-done' like a half-baked cake! 🍰😂"

confusion, doing, doing nothing, effort, hard, hard work, humor, know, leisure, never, nothing, procrastination, relaxation, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Thinking the bodega owner likes you is exactly the same as thinking the stripper likes you.

0

2 months ago

bodega, exactly, humor, likes, misunderstanding, owner, perception, relationship, same, stripper, thinking
I’m sorry I roasted you, I was trying to flirt.

0

2 months ago

apology, awkwardness, dating, flirt, humor, i, interaction, roast, sorry, trying
90% of the things I worry about never happen. Worrying works.

0

4 months ago

90, happen, i, never, things, works, worry, worrying
‘Another bombshell has entered the villa!’ I say to myself as I walk in the front door of my own home.

0

1 month ago

another, casual, domestic, domestic life, door, front, home, humor, humorist, i, irony, life, myself, own, say, self-awareness, surprise, unexpected, walk
I’m sorry I mistook all our laughs, long nights, sweet texts, and inside jokes as you caring. I’ll think twice before wasting my time again.

0

1 month ago

again, apology, before, care, caring, humor, i, inside, inside joke, joke, jokes, laugh, laughs, night, nights, relationship, sarcasm, sorry, sweet, text, texts, think, time, twice, wasting
Waiting patiently for the alien invasion.

0

2 months ago

alien, anticipation, extraterrestrial, humor, invasion, joke, patiently, sci-fi, waiting

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

66 shares on Reddit this month:

Don’t you hate it when you offer help and the other person says yes?

23 shares on Instagram this month:

I disagree with everyone and think relationships should be easy.

30 shares on Slack this month:

Airports should have tattoo parlors for those of us with long layovers and poor impulse control.

74 shares on Snapchat this month:

The police sent me a photo radar ticket so I sent them a photo of a hundred dollars, so I guess we’re even.

41 shares on WhatsApp this month:

“Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go” by “Wham” encourages you to do something you shouldn’t do.

60 shares on Telegram this month:

Enjoy it now because you’re only going to get older and fatter.

73 shares on Snapchat this month:

I hope the ghost of Michael Jackson Hee-Hee’s in your ear while you tryna sleep.

39 shares on TikTok this month:

I accidentally take a screenshot of my phone background at least once a week.

90 shares on Twitch this month:

Lawyers should get walk-up songs in court like how wrestlers do.

55 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Wake me when AI does housework.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m living in a parallel universe where I suck at parking.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

No one is excited to see me in shorts except mosquitoes.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Explain it to me like I’m 5 drinks in.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I can feel your energy from two planets away.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

My daily exercise routine involves running late, jumping to conclusions and pushing my luck.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Some people post such depressing love shit that I start to miss their exes myself!

14 folks are currently checking 👀

My friends wife threatened to leave him over his Star Wars collectibles and I was like “divorce is strong in this one”.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

When I was a young boy, the doctor told me I had a lazy eye. By the time I was 50, it had spread to the rest of my body.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Girl who is still crazy: I was crazy back then.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Sure, I could keep my thoughts to myself but I can’t see “Likes” in my journal.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

508 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,101

Funny Quotes Topics

17,252

Funny Quotes Images

15,101

Updated

Dec 23, 2025

Users Online

3,612

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

Wearing white pants today, so it’s really just a matter of time before I spill something on myself.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

I always preferred the English spelling of “diarrhea” which is “diarrhoea” because it really looks like you’ve lost control of your vowels.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

I’m on a spinning rock in outer space, and I have to answer work emails.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

I didn’t get the part of the brain that lets you relax, just the one that overthinks.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

Betrayal is when you’re holding a baby, and they put their arms out for someone else.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

I can’t believe she picked her husband, her boyfriend and her other boyfriend over me.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

You call it nagging, I call it ‘listen to what I said the first time!’

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

Oh really? We’ll see what the same six people who always agree with me think about that.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

It must be hard for a vampire to floss their fangs when they can’t see their reflection in a mirror.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

My age no longer permits me to suffer for love, so if you see me sad, it’s due to lack of money.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WhatsApp:

A general rule of parenting: if you’re having a great day, the day isn’t old enough yet.

Just shared via Telegram:

Honestly, shopping beats therapy, anytime. It costs the same and you get a dress out of it.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

If an ice cream truck has its music on, are you supposed to pull over and let it pass like an ambulance?

Trending via X:

Death by a thousand stupid questions.

Just landed via Slack:

Vote for me and I’ll remove all the calories from cheese.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Scared to go on dates, cause what if I find the one and never be able to be single again.

Trending via Telegram:

One or the other, Lord – I can’t be broke and heartbroken.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

People who say that they don’t have time for my bullshit should wake up an hour earlier.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Sorry, can’t. I’m currently nodding in class so the teacher doesn’t feel sad.

Shared recently on Discord:

My sex face is the same as my first pee in three hours face.

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