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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

Pretty sure I need to go back to bed and sleep for 3 days.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

My summer body is just my winter body with better lighting.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

True romantics have made peace with the possibility of lifelong solitude.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

Smoking weed and watching music videos as the hangout is a lost art.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

Death doesn’t scare me, but a group of dogs fighting while I’m walking alone on the street does.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

You aren’t from the Midwest unless you can spin out in the snow, regain control and keep driving like nothing happened.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

494 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,087

Funny Quotes Topics

17,241

Funny Quotes Images

15,087

Updated

Dec 19, 2025

Users Online

3,700

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Snapchat:

If you’re doing Dry January, please, please, keep it to yourself. Nobody cares, and you’re probably even more boring without alcohol.

Just landed via Messenger:

I’m so desperate for a vacation that at this point I’d spend an all inclusive week at Jurassic Park.

Live now on Messenger:

It must be hard for a vampire to floss their fangs when they can’t see their reflection in a mirror.

Live now on Slack:

The longer you go without something, the more comfortable you become without it. That goes for people, too.

Trending via Telegram:

Not feeling fergalicious today, actually feeling pretty fergusting right now.

Making waves on Twitch:

I’m so glad I cleaned the house so the kids have a clean canvas to drop their stuff everywhere.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Your twenties are for destroying and betraying yourself for nothing.

Every Friday, I’m like, “This weekend I’m getting my life together,” and then… I don’t.

3 weeks ago

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Commentary:
Weekend resolutions: 0, Couch potato: 1 🛋️🥔🎉

disappointment, every, Friday, getting, humor, i, life, motivation, plans, procrastination, self-improvement, together, weekend

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Salad was likely invented after someone picked everything they didn’t like out of their meal and put it on a separate plate.

1 month ago

dislike, everything, food, humor, invention, meal, picked, plate, put, salad, separation, someone
Stay humble, you are someone’s weird coworker.

1 month ago

coworker, humble, humor, identity, modesty, self-awareness, stay, weird, workplace, workplace humor
Weird how I can’t seem to reach anything at the grocery store when hot men are around.

1 month ago

anything, around, attraction, confidence, distraction, flirtation, grocery, grocery store, hot, humor, i, men, reach, self-awareness, store, weird
The best thing about driving in the snow is staying home.

1 month ago

best, driving, home, humor, snow, staying, staying home, thing, winter
My lotion bottle says to use it on areas of irritation, so I slathered it all over my coworker, Deborah.

1 month ago

awkward, awkward situation, blunder, bottle, co-worker, coworker, humor, i, irritation, miscommunication, office, office humor, over, personal, personal space, prank, situation, space
Everyone’s a gangster until it’s time to pronounce Worcestershire Sauce.

1 month ago

food, gangster, humor, irony, pronounce, pronunciation, sauce, time, worcestershire, Worcestershire sauce

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

Relationships: Because sometimes destroying your life is a two person job.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

I feel like whoever named them rice cakes has never actually eaten a cake.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

Bruce Lee had a faster older brother named Sudden Lee.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

Just blocked all the ugly people, so if you see this… what’s up, big sexy?

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

New year; new me. Just kidding. I’m already awesome.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

I visited my doctor today. He told me my sugar was too high. So I came home and moved it to a lower shelf.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

Are you bad wifi, cause im feeling no connection here.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Messenger:

I’m at the age where a house arrest no longer sounds like the worst thing.

Just shared via Discord:

Maybe you should eat some makeup so you can be pretty on the inside too.

Trending via Facebook:

Not to brag, but I was unhinged way before it was cool.

Breaking via Threads:

I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

You gotta be careful: don’t say a word to nobody about nothing anytime ever.

Just landed via WeChat:

I’ll see you in your nightmares.

Shared recently on YouTube:

We were never supposed to have this much access to stupid people’s thoughts, beliefs, and opinions.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Every Friday, I’m like, “This weekend I’m getting my life together,” and then… I don’t.

Salad was likely invented after someone picked everything they didn’t like out of their meal and put it on a separate plate.

Stay humble, you are someone’s weird coworker.

Weird how I can’t seem to reach anything at the grocery store when hot men are around.

The best thing about driving in the snow is staying home.

My lotion bottle says to use it on areas of irritation, so I slathered it all over my coworker, Deborah.

Everyone’s a gangster until it’s time to pronounce Worcestershire Sauce.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

The only time anyone should watch the news is to study how psychological manipulation works on the general public.

Fun fact: The confetti you’ll see in Times Square tonight was made from one CVS receipt.

Cats are the best authoritarians. You will do their bidding, and you will like it.

If you like water, you already like 72% of me.

From now on, I’m gonna tell guests that I made my house especially messy just for their visit. It was hard, but I got it done.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

I avoid those club cameras like my life depends on it.

Anyone else get excited about going to bed because you know there’ll be coffee in the morning, or is that just me?

The easiest diet is lack of money. You don’t have to do anything.

Love how Batman: The Animated Series seems to take place in the 40s and the 50s and the 70s and the 90s all at once.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Sorry I’m late. I was scraping the clearance tag off your Christmas present.

During winter, it’s either lazy starvation or eight thousand calories in one sitting.

Asking the pharmacy if they have a secret menu.

They’re putting me through the penny flattening machine at the zoo.

My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

I once made the irresponsible decision to drink and drive and now I have to live the rest of my days with a coffee stain on my favorite sweater.

Remember those days when you missed school and you’d check the time and think, “They’re eating right now.”

Hello, I’m looking for the people who said “I’ll always be there for you”. Has anyone seen them?

How long are you allowed to hide in the bathroom during family visits?

There’s nothing scarier than sneezing with a full cup of coffee in your hand.

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Every Friday, I’m like, “This weekend I’m getting my life together,” and then… I don’t.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Salad was likely invented after someone picked everything they didn’t like out of their meal and put it on a separate plate.

Stay humble, you are someone’s weird coworker.

Weird how I can’t seem to reach anything at the grocery store when hot men are around.

The best thing about driving in the snow is staying home.

My lotion bottle says to use it on areas of irritation, so I slathered it all over my coworker, Deborah.

Everyone’s a gangster until it’s time to pronounce Worcestershire Sauce.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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