Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

Yes, money alone does not make you happy. It has to be yours too.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

Not to be dramatic, but learning how to read has ruined my life.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

Apologies for the delays. The suitcase smashing machine has broken down, so we’re having to smash suitcases by hand.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

Hey, you should start your own business and then mind it.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

Money talks, but all mine ever says is goodbye.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

I realized Americans were dramatics the day I found out 200 lb is just 90 kg.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

I asked Tom Hanks for his autograph, but all he wrote was thanks.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

Someone said I should think before I speak and I said “eww what a horrible way to live”

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

Nobody watches you harder than people who don’t like you, so give them a show they will never forget.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

Remember when the most annoying thing about Twitter was trying to think of a shorter word.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

298 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,567

Funny Quotes Topics

17,623

Funny Quotes Images

15,567

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,242

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Pinterest:

I don’t wanna party like it’s 1999, I want to pay my bills like it’s 1999.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Just told my kids it’s illegal to have the light on while we’re driving. I will not break this cycle.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Spoiler alert: Monday doesn’t care about your feelings.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Dear diary, I have to lock in tomorrow, fix everything, and do everything.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Shoutout to coughing on the bus. Haven’t tried it myself but seems really popular.

Spotted on Discord:

I love that retail therapy works on me. I am so much happier and at peace when I’m buying things for myself.

Making waves on Snapchat:

I wonder if BBQ thinks about me too.

Going bananas on Threads:

My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.

Going viral on Instagram:

There’s no-one who can get more drunk on power than the admin of a village Facebook group.

Going viral on Telegram:

Can’t argue with a guy that has curly hair. Whatever you say, gorgeous.

Every Friday, I’m like, “This weekend I’m getting my life together,” and then… I don’t.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Weekend resolutions: 0, Couch potato: 1 🛋️🥔🎉

disappointment, every, Friday, getting, humor, i, life, motivation, plans, procrastination, self-improvement, together, weekend

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I need to hire someone to just constantly slap food out of my hand.

3 months ago

diet, eating, food, hand, hire, humor, i, just, need, slap, someone
A delivery driver just asked for my date of birth. I said, “94.” He replied, “Is that 1994?” Oh, sorry mate, no. My bad, that was 1794. Right around the French Revolution.

2 months ago

1794, 1994, around, asked, bad, birth, date, date of birth, delivery, delivery driver, driver, french, French Revolution, historical, historical joke, humor, i, joke, just, mate, misunderstanding, oh, revolution, right, said, sorry
Yes, hello, I’d like to exchange my generational trauma for generational wealth, please.

2 months ago

exchange, family, family legacy, financial, financial success, generational, generational trauma, generational wealth, growth, hello, humor, ID, irony, legacy, life, life struggle, personal, personal growth, struggle, success, trauma, wealth, yes
Can I come over and figure you out?

2 months ago

communication, curiosity, figure, flirt, humor, i, invitation, over, relationship
Hey Alexa… remind me why I walked into this room.

1 week ago

Alexa, assistant, forgetfulness, humor, i, me, memory, remind, reminder, room, smart, smart assistant, why
Every citizen over 18 should be eligible to be drafted into the Postal Service.

2 months ago

age, citizen, draft, eligibility, every, humor, military, over, postal, Postal Service, satire, service, should

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

94 shares on WeChat this month:

Looking forward to eight hours of trying to get four hours of sleep tonight.

82 shares on Telegram this month:

And to my children I leave my collection of tote bags and gift bags.

87 shares on WhatsApp this month:

What I want for dinner hasn’t been invented yet.

26 shares on Slack this month:

I already want to come home from work tomorrow.

19 shares on Slack this month:

I be having full arguments in my head, then walk around mad like someone actually said something to me.

97 shares on Snapchat this month:

All quiet on the frontal lobe.

97 shares on Reddit this month:

“You look tired”. No, I’m just ugly.

20 shares on Facebook this month:

AI could never steal company time the way I do.

83 shares on WeChat this month:

The next time someone texts me “we need to talk,” I’ll reply, “Yes, we really need to talk,” so that I won’t be the only one stressing.

20 shares on Telegram this month:

According to “The Hobbit”, Gollum was once a handsome young man who was robbed of his youth, zest for life and energy by putting on a ring. Men, think about it!

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

Sex is fine, but have you ever completed every single thing on your to-do list?

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

What I learned from Covid is that it’s basically possible to do all your work from home while drunk.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

You want fast replies from a female? Argue with her!

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

Bold of you to assume I have the energy to even climb a hill to die on.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

Just eating the emotional support snickers bar in my purse. How about you?

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

Trying to explain to my cat why she can’t jump off the balcony, even though I want to as well.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

They say money doesn’t solve all problems, but it will surely solve all of mine.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

Every time I do something stupid, my dad stares at my mom like he wants a refund.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

My favorite sex position is any of them. I’m just glad to be involved.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

I think if you ask Kanye for a million at the right time, he’ll give it to you.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on X:

Soon as vampires become real, I’m first in line for my bite.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

If a ham is allowed to spiral then so am I.

Just landed via X:

They should invent going outside without people looking at you.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I love being single because how could I explain a 2 p.m. – 5 p.m. nap on a Saturday.

Trending via Threads:

Just got hired at Five Guys as the guy who punches the burger before they put it in the bag.

Just shared via Slack:

I’m not moody; I’m just on shuffle.

Live now on WeChat:

Waking up early is cool until it starts feeling like you’ve had a long day at 10 a.m.

Broadcasted on Discord:

Day number 3 without coffee: Lost hearing in my left eye.

Going viral on Reddit:

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, and I’m like, cool, can one of you reach the top shelf for me.

Just shared via Threads:

Mrs. Doubtfire is my favorite movie about violating a custody agreement.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Every Friday, I’m like, “This weekend I’m getting my life together,” and then… I don’t.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I need to hire someone to just constantly slap food out of my hand.

A delivery driver just asked for my date of birth. I said, “94.” He replied, “Is that 1994?” Oh, sorry mate, no. My bad, that was 1794. Right around the French Revolution.

Yes, hello, I’d like to exchange my generational trauma for generational wealth, please.

Can I come over and figure you out?

Hey Alexa… remind me why I walked into this room.

Every citizen over 18 should be eligible to be drafted into the Postal Service.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨