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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

Hiking in your 40s is a great way to meet new people. Today I met two paramedics, three nurses, a cardiologist, and nearly met Jesus.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

For Halloween, I wanna be loved.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

Man, these end times are taking forever.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

I’m sorry, but I already have an A.I. boyfriend.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

Hope this email finds you moonwalking out of work early.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

If you relate to me, get some help!

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

The billionaires have decided that the people with nothing have too much.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

I saw The Blair Witch Project way too young and it made me afraid of projects.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

The second half of your life begins when you stop wanting to get even and start wanting to get odd.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,697

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

He was only called Mr. Pepper until he published his groundbreaking research on fizzics.

Just landed via Twitch:

No more ragebaiting around me, please. Let’s try joybaiting, perhaps even lovebaiting.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

So glad that the dream I had of you isn’t affecting me at all, and I’m able to go on with my day without thinking of it.

Spotted on TikTok:

Doesn’t matter if the chicken or the egg came first. Still a weird thing to just appear.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Apart from “It’s okay”, what other death threats do women use?

Just shared via Twitch:

Thank you for contacting the abyss. Your scream is very important to us.

Spotted on Discord:

I don’t hate you, but I hope you run out of hot water before you’re finished your shower.

Shared recently on WeChat:

The actors you see in movies are probably home by now.

Making waves on Discord:

You’re way hotter in your forties and fifties than in your twenties. The glow up is in the grow up.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Can’t believe I didn’t get invited to that party I would have made up an excuse not to go to.

Every morning I wake up and make the worst possible time management decisions anyone has ever made.

3 weeks ago

Witty quote about morning struggles and poor time management choices, humorous and relatable.

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Commentary:
Looks like there are 48 hours in your 24-hour day! ⏰😂📆

anyone, decision, decisions, ever, every, humor, i, management, morning, procrastination, self-deprecation, time, time management, wake, wake up, worst, worst decision

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Social Media Stars ⭐

56 shares on Threads this month:

Anxiety should have a loyalty rewards program.

77 shares on Twitch this month:

What doesn’t kill you makes you weird at intimacy.

92 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m not exaggerating when I say, if I ever clogged a toilet at work, I would immediately quit, change my name, and then move to a different city.

29 shares on Threads this month:

Old age is like a glorious, extended long weekend, but you always know Monday’s coming.

61 shares on Discord this month:

I admire how time manages to quickly heal wounds but takes forever to remove awkward tan lines.

15 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I don’t care if I’m standing in the window, if I said I ain’t home, I ain’t home.

78 shares on X this month:

I love spending my parents’ money, they must pay for bringing me into this world.

59 shares on Instagram this month:

My role at Thanksgiving dinner is to Blair Witch it alone in the corner.

87 shares on TikTok this month:

Yesterday I wore something from 5 years ago and it actually fit. So proud of myself. It was a scarf, but still, let’s be positive here.

10 shares on Threads this month:

Date night idea: fight another couple.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

On Twitter, you will always find someone who is tweeting your thoughts but with better grammar.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

I think it’s time we acknowledged how incredibly stupid most super wealthy people are.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has shared:

You don’t scare me, you’re not my kid noticing her sibling got a bigger slice of cake.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

When I say someone is a good doctor, it’s entirely based on the strength of their waiting room Wi-Fi.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

Day number 3 without coffee: Lost hearing in my left eye.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

Controlling your emotions while on your period is an extreme sport.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

The most important thing to remember when driving is that not everyone is smart.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

It’s okay, wobbly chair, I’m unstable too.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

Airport beer at 6 a.m.? No problem. The airport is a lawless place that is free from judgment.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

It actually is crazy how many people I know would benefit from being visited by three ghosts.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

If cartoons have taught us anything, it’s the uselessness of little umbrellas when plummeting from a cliff.

Seen just now on X:

God saw you do that.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Taking yesterday’s bad mood on a multi-day tour.

Trending via Snapchat:

I wish I was as tired in bed at night as I am after lunch at work.

Just landed via X:

Through repetition and sheer will I’ve mastered gracefully falling on my head.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I get easily confused in the morning. Also in the afternoon and evening.

Trending via Slack:

This site could use some more people who like to argue about literally anything.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

An air mattress is the best way to tell your houseguests not to stay too long.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

There is sex without love, there is love without sex, and there is me without both.

Going viral on X:

Anyone else’s phone make a retching noise when you unlock it with Face ID?

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Activity Log ✨

Every morning I wake up and make the worst possible time management decisions anyone has ever made.

I really think my coworkers and I deserve an Oscar for acting like everything at work is fine.

The dead bodies on Mt. Everest remind me that it’s perfectly fine to stay home and be lazy.

Whoever named the grapefruit when there was already a fruit named grape. Incompetent legend. I wish we could hang out.

Told a couple of jokes at a Zoom meeting. Turns out I’m not even remotely funny.

In an alternate universe, the hard way is always learning me.

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Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Every morning I wake up and make the worst possible time management decisions anyone has ever made.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I really think my coworkers and I deserve an Oscar for acting like everything at work is fine.

The dead bodies on Mt. Everest remind me that it’s perfectly fine to stay home and be lazy.

People are too judgmental these days… I can tell just by looking at them.

Whoever named the grapefruit when there was already a fruit named grape. Incompetent legend. I wish we could hang out.

Told a couple of jokes at a Zoom meeting. Turns out I’m not even remotely funny.

In an alternate universe, the hard way is always learning me.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨