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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

Let’s see how long my Monday slump lasts this time. Last week it was until Friday.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

The worst part about being drunk and seeing double is when you realize it’s just one slice of pizza.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

To whoever has my voodoo doll, please stop making her go to work.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

I thought my mixed signals were perfectly clear.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

Trying to be cute today but my face isn’t cooperating.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

If you give a man a fish, he’ll eat for a day. But if you teach a man to fish, you’ll get the house to yourself on Saturdays.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

I switched from coffee to orange juice and told my doctor I felt better. He said it’s the vitamin C and natural sugars, but I think it’s the vodka.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

I named my dog “5 Miles,” so I can tell people I walk 5 miles every day.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

I wish companies would use pictures of models looking frazzled and exhausted on their websites, so I can get a real idea of what their clothes will look like on me.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

Don’t ask me ‘how are you?’ unless you’re willing to sign an NDA.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,347

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Life is what happens in between trips to the fridge.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

My kid asked where babies come from and I said everywhere, man, they’re worldwide.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

An email so annoying, you wanna return the computer to the store.

Trending via Messenger:

Some people are like wallpaper… same pattern repeating every time.

Just shared via TikTok:

Alligators can live up to 100 years which is why there is an increased chance that they will see you later.

Trending via Facebook:

Why are conclusions necessary in essays? Were you not following?

Spotted on Discord:

I have so much planned today that I was already tired thinking of it yesterday.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Today my coworker asked if I wanted to hold her new baby and neither of us were prepared for me saying why?

Just landed via Instagram:

There’s something so spiritual about new life. When I look my baby nephew in the eyes, I can’t stop thinking about how amazing it will be to connect with him on LinkedIn.

Freshly posted on X:

At some point, I need to admit my ‘guilty pleasure’ music taste is just my music taste now.

Got thrown out of the grocery store for holding a rotisserie chicken up like Simba again.

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Got thrown out of the grocery store for holding a rotisserie chicken up like Simba again.
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Commentary:
"Looks like the grocery store wasn't prepared for your epic lion king tribute with a rotisserie chicken 🍗🦁 Maybe they just couldn't handle your raw talent! Time to find a new stage for your poultry performances 😄🛒 #HakunaMaTatastegreat"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

86 shares on Slack this month:

A girl can casually just say something, and you already know you’re not going to date or marry her.

15 shares on Twitch this month:

Can’t say “I’m tired” without my mom making it a competition of who is the most tired and who has more reason to be.

10 shares on Messenger this month:

I don’t drink alcohol. I like suffering raw.

77 shares on WhatsApp this month:

You see how in cartoons, when they’re hungry, their friends start looking like a chicken leg? That’s how ovulation feels.

68 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’m so lucky people can’t hear what I’m thinking.

87 shares on LinkedIn this month:

When you’re over 40 and a part of your body starts hurting for no reason that is nature sending a “what ya doing?” text.

61 shares on Facebook this month:

I always leave my friends voicemails in case they suddenly decide to be a musician and need an interlude.

13 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m not lazy, I’m an inactivist.

95 shares on Threads this month:

Ain’t no girls in my messages, just a bunch of verification codes.

29 shares on X this month:

We should all go into advertising and fix what’s going on with commercials. They need our help.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

There should be a socially acceptable way to say, “I’m not sure what to say to that. Can you please say something different?”.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

This place was really tidy yesterday. It’s a shame you missed it.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Most insane people live outside of madhouses.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

The 80s were wild, man. You had bands naming themselves after predatory cats with hearing problems.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Laundry has to be the most sinister chore. Always waiting, always lurking.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve been having a rough day for about 5 years now.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ll never understand why the volume in movies is always mixed in such a way that you can barely understand the dialog and your neighbor gets war flashbacks during action scenes.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Wait, some of you are actually seeing for free? No glasses, no contacts? Wow!

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but I finally get why people love cauliflower.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Computers used to scream out in pain when we connected to the internet. This was a warning and we did not heed it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,290

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

You know you’re getting old when you’re entering your birth year online and you need to spin that thing like you’re on wheel of fortune.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

I can’t keep up anymore. Happy birthday to everyone for the rest of your life.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

Golf is a great way to learn all of the new curse words your subconscious has been cooking up in the lab.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

I can already feel that the day is going to seize me instead of the other way around.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

I don’t want to exacerbate things. That would just make things worse.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

At therapy, saying “Don’t worry about it” to every question.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

God, please — if you don’t want someone to love me, at least make me a millionaire.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

Solitude never hits you with unsolicited opinions.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

I’m only drinking a lot of beer tonight because I need the room in the fridge.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

Brain, I know you’re trying hard, but you are not doing a good job.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on YouTube:

We’re so close to “Let’s circle back next year” season, I can taste it.

Making waves on Twitch:

I hate everyone in front of me at this checkout line, everyone behind me is cool.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Terrifying if true: Her eyes lighting up a room.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Why do you always wanna change your life before you fall asleep, then in the morning you wake up like ‘Nah!’

Spotted on Pinterest:

Thanks for leaving my door open; I was running low on houseflies.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Since it’s impossible to know which period of my life is the middle, I’ve decided to have an ongoing crisis.

Going bananas on WeChat:

There aren’t any emojis that really express any meaningful sort of anguish.

Making waves on TikTok:

I get unreasonably happy when a YouTube video has subtitles that aren’t auto-generated.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

I hate when I turn off my brights for an incoming vehicle and then realize it’s a Cybertruck.

Live now on Pinterest:

You ever got inside jokes with yourself, or is that schizophrenia?

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