Got thrown out of the grocery store for holding a rotisserie chicken up like Simba again.

28 shares on Pinterest this month:

If a government has online beef with a pop star, it has already lost.

38 shares on YouTube this month:

I ordered a new umbrella on Amazon and had it delivered straight to the lost and found office to maximize efficiency.

76 shares on Reddit this month:

Sledding is the best! (until you have to walk back up the hill)

94 shares on Telegram this month:

Hey, wanna intertwine delusions and make them a reality or nah?

44 shares on Messenger this month:

I can admit that I am intrigued by people weirder than I am.

33 shares on Snapchat this month:

If I ask “What’s your zodiac sign?” it’s either because we’re vibing or you’re getting on my nerves.

20 shares on Twitch this month:

The trouble with living alone is that it’s always my turn to do the dishes.

100 shares on Telegram this month:

“It’s the most wonderful crime of the year!” I crooned running away with the pot of Santa’s donations.

88 shares on Messenger this month:

If insomnia were a sport, I’d have endorsement deals.

97 shares on Discord this month:

Common sense is so rare these days that it should be considered a superpower.