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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

Why did they call it an Amazon wishlist and not an ‘Oughttobuyography’.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

I don’t even know what I’d do if a sailor called me a landlubber. I’d probably lose my cool.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

“Hope this email finds you doing well!” The email found me, therefore I am unwell.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

I hate when someone on a magazine cover stares at me while I eat.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

Printers and computers treat each other like they broke up the night before, and you’re their mutual friend.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

Don’t let anyone ruin your day. Be a man. Ruin it yourself.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

Tinder is a food delivery app if you’re good at it.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

He doesn’t realize it yet, but this Saturday, I’ll be asking him to untangle 400 feet of Christmas lights.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

You look like the type of person that would fart in bed and Dutch Oven yourself.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has downloaded:

Processed food was literally designed for you to eat. Organic is just some crap they found on the ground somewhere.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,369

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on X:

No matter how bad your day seems, just remember that someone out there has line danced to Achy Breaky Heart.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Proposing at someone else’s wedding is out. Die at their funeral like a real man.

Going bananas on Slack:

Lord, please take this gas out of my stomach and put it in my car.

Trending via Pinterest:

Lasagna has never broken my heart. Just saying.

Going viral on Facebook:

Are you gonna confess your undying love for me or what, bro?

Breaking via Slack:

Of course I look tired, it’s hard pretending to be awake.

Making waves on TikTok:

Shoutout to drug dealers for teaching the metric system to Americans.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I like to keep my wife guessing by walking around the backyard carrying a ladder and a chainsaw.

Just landed via Telegram:

It’s not my job to police the internet, but I just saw someone post a recipe for cauliflower cookies and reported them for harmful content.

Shared recently on Threads:

I think airplanes would be way cooler if the wings flapped like a bird.

Having a good heart has done nothing but made me look stupid.

2 months ago

0

Having a good heart has done nothing but made me look stupid.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Having a good heart is like being the MVP of the kindness game, but sometimes you end up scoring for the wrong team! 🏀😅 Keep shining bright, even if you occasionally trip over your own halo! 👼🤦‍♂️ #GoodHeartProblems"

appearance, done, good, good heart, having, heart, irony, kindness, me, nothing, self-reflection, stupid

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

There is always enough for the needy, there is never enough for the greedy.

0

2 months ago

abundance, always, charity, enough, fairness, generosity, greed, greedy, inequality, need, needy, never, scarcity, selfishness, sharing
You should be able to call out of work if your partner is so cozy and warm in the morning.

0

2 months ago

able, call, comfort, cozy, morning, partner, should, warm, work
The night is dark and full of terrors. My day is long and full of meetings. Same thing.

0

2 months ago

comparison, dark, day, exhaustion, full, humor, meetings, night, same, same thing, terrors, thing, work
I was the most patient parent and then I had kids.

0

2 months ago

expectations, family, humor, i, irony, kids, parent, parenting, patience, patient
Please hesitate to get in touch with me.

0

2 months ago

communication, contact, hesitate, humor, irony, me, please, touch, wit
Women swear they be broke… Then, all of a sudden, here comes that Shein delivery.

0

2 months ago

broke, delivery, fashion, here, humor, online, online shopping, Shein, shopping, spending, sudden, swear, women

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

16 shares on Twitch this month:

If lying was a job some people would be billionaires.

53 shares on Discord this month:

It’s important to listen to both sides of the debate because you need to hear both the reality of the situation and also the dumbest thing anyone’s ever said.

71 shares on Pinterest this month:

Welcome to your 40s. “I’m too old for this shit” is now your excuse and explanation for everything.

11 shares on X this month:

First date idea: Couples Colonoscopies.

34 shares on Twitch this month:

I came, I saw, I took a selfie as proof that I came and saw.

72 shares on Messenger this month:

Children will see a neatly hanging dish towel and be like oh hell no.

51 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If women came with instructions, men wouldn’t read them anyway.

89 shares on Pinterest this month:

Sorry I’m late — I was standing in the shower, thinking about stuff.

32 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Not a religious man but I do say a short prayer whenever I open a gas station restroom door.

32 shares on Messenger this month:

Tonight I will make history, by turning off incognito mode.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Girls really only want one simple thing; and that one thing is all of your attention.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

If you’re happy and you know it, keep it to yourself. No one likes a braggart.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

There’s no-one who can get more drunk on power than the admin of a village Facebook group.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes a lover girl, sometimes a dinosaur.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Experts say you can make any statement sound more credible by adding ‘experts say’ at the beginning.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Oasis didn’t just write good songs. They wrote the soundtrack for a whole generation.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Not to brag, but I drove and found a place I was looking for without turning down my music today.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Whenever a study shows excessive screen time causes brain damage I’m like “yeah, me know”.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Animals are so crazy because, why is your mom only one year older than you?

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I cheat on my taxes by sleeping with other people’s taxes.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,445

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

Will mosquitoes ever develop a pizza obsession and end their pursuit of human blood?

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

And to think I survived a global pandemic for this.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

If you tell me to watch until the end, the end better be in five seconds.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has shared:

I hate it when I’m singing a song and the artist gets the words wrong.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

It’s completely absurd that Silicon Valley is pushing AI on us before they figured out how to keep fries fresh for longer.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

How did they get kids to pose for oil paintings? Mine won’t sit still for 4 seconds for a family photo.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has viewed:

Please hesitate to reach out.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

If stores want to accurately display clothes for people over 40, the mannequins should be laying on a couch.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

Nobody lures you into a gingerbread house in the forest anymore.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

My toxic trait is that I expect people to have common sense, and I get mad when they don’t.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I’ve been reading the room for 20 minutes. It’s not looking so good.

Going viral on Messenger:

I’m brave but not “order something different from the restaurant menu” kind of brave.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Clicking on a suspicious link at work just to feel something.

Shared recently on Messenger:

This entire year has been the Nightmare Before Christmas.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Watching someone else control the computer and doing it differently than you would, is one of life’s greatest challenges.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

My favorite part about health insurance is how your teeth and eyeballs are add-ons.

Just shared via Discord:

I’m eating sandwiches you haven’t heard of in jeans you can’t pronounce.

Just shared via Pinterest:

It’s a good thing that our phones only convey sight and sound. No offense, but from most of you I would never want to receive a smelfie!

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Every Friday, I’m like, “This weekend I’m getting my life together,” and then… I don’t.

Trending via Reddit:

Billionaires didn’t get rich by working harder. They got rich by making sure you work harder, get paid less, and spend more.

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