Hey, people, my age. Remember going into the computer lab at school?

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I’m accused of being a plagiarist. Their words, not mine.

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Sometimes I need a break from myself but it’s like, ugh, everywhere I go there I am.

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There’s only one way we’ll at least occasionally get normal elected officials and that’s if we pick them by random lottery.

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Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious.

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I’m like … if parking too far away from the curb was a person.

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Just stay single, y’all… I’m here apologizing for taking a nap.

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So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn’t for throwing at people who stress you out?