Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✹

Someone from đŸ‡±đŸ‡č has downloaded:

Why is smoking the only addiction jobs give you breaks to do? I should get 15 minutes every hour to cook up some parlays.

Someone from đŸ‡čđŸ‡± has shared:

Horoscope: Many good things are in store for you! Unfortunately, the store is closed for repairs.

Someone from đŸ‡ŒđŸ‡ž has copied:

One of my greatest strengths is appearing busy so people don’t try to speak to me.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

Girls love a gay best friend until he turns 35 and asks to borrow your womb.

Someone from đŸ‡±đŸ‡ž has copied:

If we start dating now, we could be feeding each other deviled eggs on Thanksgiving, and breaking up before we have to exchange gifts for Christmas.

Someone from đŸ‡čđŸ‡· has shared:

When they know you know they did you dirty, they stay gone. And that’s the best thing.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

One day you’re 18 eating pizza for every lunch, then suddenly you’re 30 and eating salad with celery and kale juice.

Someone from đŸ‡čđŸ‡Œ has copied:

Taylor Swift is a psyop designed to get my wife to hum little tunes here and there.

Someone from 🇬đŸ‡Č has downloaded:

It used be called “talking to yourself” but the new term for it is “podcasting”.

Someone from đŸ‡źđŸ‡¶ has viewed:

That awkward moment when someone keeps watching you while you are eating.

Funny Quotes Data đŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,577

Social Media Log đŸ’«

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Autumn at last. Sitting on the sofa all day with a blanket and tea and watching movies. Just like in summer, but with a blanket and tea.

Just landed via Discord:

Welcome to your 40’s. You now have to second guess your age as you can’t believe you’re that old.

Just landed via WeChat:

I want a small, tasteful wedding. No family. No friends. No groom. Just me eating a big cake.

Just landed via TikTok:

“Bye, have a great day, I’ll see you after school”, I tell the orange in my kid’s lunch.

Trending via Reddit:

Calm yourself, Lucifer. You did the right thing coming to me for advice.

Trending via Reddit:

Don’t ask me for work advice, I’m just going to tell you to quit your job.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

For my birthday, I want everyone to tell me how much they love me and why in immense detail.

Spotted on Telegram:

I wish I lived in a sitcom, and my friends just barged into my apartment uninvited.

Just shared via Discord:

I’ll be like “I’m fine” then shake my leg at 150 mph.

Just shared via YouTube:

If a man speaks in the forest and his wife is not there to hear him, is he still wrong?

How long past date can I eat eggs? Like are they still good or am I naming them now?

0
How long past date can I eat eggs? Like are they still good or am I naming them now?
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the eternal egg conundrum! đŸłđŸ€” Just remember, eggs don't come with a best before date imprinted on them like a secret code. It's all about the float test: if they sink, they're wink-wink 😉, but if they float, it's a firm nope! đŸ„šâ›”ïž Don't let those eggs go rogue and turn into a science project, unless you're looking for a new pet bacteria!

, , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Related Funny Quotes đŸ€

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes
đŸŽČ Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! đŸ˜‰âœŒïž Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. đŸ˜‚đŸ’„

đŸŽ‰đŸ„‚ New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

60 shares on Threads this month:

Cholesterol has a special place in my heart.

83 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Hired a financial advisor, and his first piece of advice was that I don’t make nearly enough money to justify paying a financial advisor.

24 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My theory is that women’s voices contain frequencies that men simply can’t hear.

59 shares on WeChat this month:

Never forget that your fave celebs were trying to sell you cartoon monkey pictures during a pandemic.

63 shares on Twitch this month:

If only vehicles could be equipped with little blinky lights on the corners to alert other drivers the direction they wished to turn.

28 shares on Messenger this month:

I assume fish have beautiful names for eachother, unpronounceable by human tongues.

45 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Twitter when Franz Ferdinand got shot would have been the best day ever.

22 shares on X this month:

After having a week off, my boss returns to work today. Please respect my privacy during this difficult time.

75 shares on Facebook this month:

We really do need a separate grocery store for people who’ve been on Earth before.

31 shares on Messenger this month:

Why is experimental noise music always scary metallic noises and never fun sounds like people clapping and laughing and like bubbles and stuff?

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes đŸ’„

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Thinking about taking some time off to focus on cheese.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry I’m late. I was in the car waiting for my song to end.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate it when my AirPods die instead of me.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

In a relationship with my bedroom fan.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

If you start liking someone, just block them. Follow me for more relationship advice.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Congress taking an entire month off in a country where most people don’t get more than 2 weeks’ vacation is awesome.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Need to shave my legs again. Blow-drying takes far too long.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Good morning to everyone except myself cause I wish I was still asleep.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Helvetica is my favorite font that sounds like a heavy metal band.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not lazy, I’m an inactivist.

Funny Quotes Data đŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,430

Activity Log ✹

Someone from đŸ‡ČđŸ‡Č has viewed:

At the beginning of a relationship, people call their partner’s odd behavior “cute little quirks”. Some years later, the police call it “motive”.

Someone from đŸ‡ČđŸ‡Ÿ has copied:

The wind is about to blow me to Oz, so if you see me flying past your window, mind your business.

Someone from đŸ‡­đŸ‡· has downloaded:

Relationship status: my last pickpocket had really gentle hands.

Someone from đŸ‡ČđŸ‡© has bookmarked:

Born to say “are you f*****g stupid”, forced to say “wow, I’ve never thought about it like that before”.

Someone from đŸ‡łđŸ‡” has bookmarked:

We need to stop telling AI that it’s paintings are bad. That’s how Hitler got started.

Someone from đŸ‡±đŸ‡ș has viewed:

I’m at the age where I can remember things that never happened.

Someone from đŸ‡©đŸ‡Ș has copied:

Please don’t be mean to me, because I can be meaner and I hate being mean.

Someone from 🇹🇮 has viewed:

Women are like a fitted sheet. No matter what you do or how hard you try, they just never seem to cooperate.

Someone from đŸ‡«đŸ‡Ż has bookmarked:

I have a mental illness that makes me think that people will change their minds if I present the correct arguments with the appropriate facts and data.

Someone from đŸ‡Č🇰 has viewed:

I have the patience of a nearly ripe avocado.

Social Media Log đŸ’«

Just shared via Discord:

I did vote once but only because I thought the line was to a buffet.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Never go to bed angry. Stay up and finish the argument like an adult.

Live now on Discord:

Sending your selfies to NASA because you’re a star.

Shared recently on Instagram:

It may sound crazy but some of us are nice without hidden agendas.

Just landed via WeChat:

Overheard the most hilarious conversation on my morning commute, then realized it was just me talking to myself in my car.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Grocery shopping while hungry feels like online shopping while drunk.

Seen just now on X:

My last husband’s name is Don. I just added an E to it and walked away.

Just landed via X:

I love when lashes make me look evil.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

Not to brag, but I ate all of my bananas before they turned brown. Don’t be jealous.

Just landed via Slack:

The goth urge to live in a haunted Victorian estate and be feared by the townspeople.

© 2025. All rights reserved.

Made with ❀ in Sydney â˜€ïžđŸŒŽ