Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

That awkward moment between birth and death.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

My budget for this month is a smile, and I don’t know how long that will last.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

It’s so cold that men who wear shorts outside in the winter are wearing TWO pairs of shorts.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

Gentle parenting is making sure your kids can’t hear what you say when you’re peeling a mango.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

I’m never wrong. Just different levels of right.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

Why is it that your clothes only get caught on the door handle when you’re in a bad mood?

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

Working with children gives you so much in return. Lice, for example.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

Who the hell keeps letting it be Monday again?

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

Umbrellas are great if you only want to get wet sideways.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

Kinda miss when crushes were butterflies instead of complex emotional calculations about compatibility and red flags.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,533

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Humanity was engineered as a biological weapon but left abandoned early in its development.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

I wouldn’t describe myself as an “adult”, per se. More like a “long child”.

Spotted on X:

“This was on sale!” is why I’m always broke.

Going viral on Pinterest:

When I hear the word “horror”, the first thing I think of is bills, not Halloween.

Freshly posted on X:

I hate people that talk to their Apple watch. Fake Power Rangers.

Seen just now on Instagram:

You cannot trust me at a zoo because I’ll release the animals.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

“Is everything okay?” Bro, nothing has been since I turned 12.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I want the job where I push scared skydivers out of planes.

Spotted on Reddit:

That moment of panic when they invite you inside at the start of the birthday party you thought was a drop off.

Making waves on Snapchat:

While the optimist and pessimist argued about the glass of water, the opportunist drank it.

I don’t simply want to kill a mosquito; I want to bite them back over and over to make them itch.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Time for some revenge… blood-bank style! 🦟🩸 Scratch that, mosquitoes! 😆😂"

annoyance, back, bite, humor, i, irritation, itch, kill, mosquito, over, pest, playful, revenge, sarcastic, simply, want

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’ll bet the guy who invented the snooze button never invented anything else.

0

2 months ago

button, creativity, guy, humor, inventor, irony, procrastination, sleep, snooze, snooze button
I even procrastinate things I actually want to do.

0

2 months ago

actually, even, humor, i, laziness, motivation, procrastinate, procrastination, productivity, self-awareness, things, want
Using ChatGPT requires you to actually be smart; otherwise, it just regurgitates your dumb takes back to you.

0

2 weeks ago

actually, AI, back, ChatGPT, dumb, dumb take, humor, intelligence, just, otherwise, sarcasm, smart, take, technology, using
Can we all agree that Mini Cooper drivers need to put an extended flag on the back of their cars so the stalls where they’re parked stop looking empty?

0

2 months ago

agree, back, cars, cooper, drivers, empty, empty stalls, flag, humor, looking, mini, Mini Cooper, need, parked, parking, put, stalls, stop, where
Sitting with my legs really wide to experiment with gender.

0

2 months ago

body, body language, experiment, gender, humor, language, legs, playful, self-expression, sitting, wide
Forget a dinner date, let’s go sit in court listening to people’s cases.

0

5 months ago

activity, alternative, case, court, date, date alternative, dinner, dinner date, forget, fun, fun activity, listening, sit

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

75 shares on Snapchat this month:

Don’t buy me flowers. A bouquet of KitKats will suffice.

70 shares on LinkedIn this month:

When a documentary starts with an old person going, ‘We’re a small town, we didn’t lock our doors at night,’ oh, we’re gonna find out what made them start.

49 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I suppose someone has to do all the consuming and obeying.

38 shares on Slack this month:

I hope the aliens aren’t good at basketball. My chances of making it into the NBA are already slim.

89 shares on Snapchat this month:

My bear’s diarrhea problems are really starting to worry me. The vet says he’s getting better but he’s not out of the woods yet.

86 shares on Facebook this month:

I wonder if my recorded call has ever been used for training or quality purposes.

40 shares on Instagram this month:

I am never hungrier than when I leave the dentist and told I can’t eat right away.

33 shares on Telegram this month:

My favorite part about talking to my teens is when they give me direct eye contact, listen intently, nod understandingly and then do the exact opposite of what I just said.

59 shares on Telegram this month:

Lowkey terrifying when someone attractive is actually into you, omg.

11 shares on Reddit this month:

That little pocket on jeans is the perfect size for the money I have left over after I pay all my bills.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

Please help my husband and I decide on dinner. We’ve narrowed it down to “It doesn’t matter” and “It’s your turn to choose”.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

It goes like this: You are born and then you basically do almost everything wrong. Then you die.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

Doctors are always giving me Ibuprofen. Man, give me something I can sell.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

Make every hug more interesting by mysteriously whispering, “the Dark Lord stands at the crossroads!”

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

It’s strange that we say time is a great healer when it kills 100% of people.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

I love men with a provider fetish.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

Take your days off, these jobs don’t care about you.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

You gotta separate the art from the artist. Like, for example, sometimes the artist is really nice but their art sucks.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

I bring a sort of “this isn’t actually urgent” vibe to the workplace that managers don’t like.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

The dumbest person you know is being told, “You’re absolutely right!” by ChatGPT.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Messenger:

I thrive in a waiting room. You need me to sit in a chair and look at my phone? No worries, love, I do this at home.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

I never argue, I just explain why I’m right.

Just landed via Reddit:

My kidnappers sent me back early with a full apology, some money, and several of their fingers.

Freshly posted on X:

Before social media, you had to actively go out and find crazy people.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Dress for the demons you want, not the demons you have.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

I wonder how many calories I can burn petting my cat.

Going viral on X:

I held the door for an old person today and he was like, “didn’t we go to high school together” and we did.

Making waves on Slack:

This gratitude journal looks a lot like a grocery list.

Just shared via Threads:

I give such good nudes that nobody ever needs to ask me for a second one.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Being in love will have you put your pride aside and go to places you never thought you would, like New Jersey.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I don’t simply want to kill a mosquito; I want to bite them back over and over to make them itch.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I’ll bet the guy who invented the snooze button never invented anything else.

I even procrastinate things I actually want to do.

Using ChatGPT requires you to actually be smart; otherwise, it just regurgitates your dumb takes back to you.

Can we all agree that Mini Cooper drivers need to put an extended flag on the back of their cars so the stalls where they’re parked stop looking empty?

Sitting with my legs really wide to experiment with gender.

Forget a dinner date, let’s go sit in court listening to people’s cases.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨