Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

It’s that time of year where every jacket you choose is wrong.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

I need a six-month vacation twice a year.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

Your coworker is not hot; they’re just within 10 feet of you 40 hours a week.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has bookmarked:

Probably the worst thing you can do when your wife gives you a disapproving look from across the room for being on your phone is finish typing this.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

I am cutting contact with my 3-year-old narcissist nephew.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

Microwaves have zero chill. We get it, time is up. Calm down.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has viewed:

Once you’ve read the dictionary, every other book you read is just a remix.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

They should invent a body that doesn’t keep the score.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

I did not spend years turning the faucet off while I brushed my teeth, so corporations could ruin the environment with festering AI slop.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

Me before grocery shopping: only healthy foods, no impulse buys, I can do this. Me during grocery shopping: they make chocolate filled marshmallows?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,477

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WeChat:

The urge to buy people gifts they’ve mentioned they liked once.

Live now on Messenger:

I made a smoothie that needs a spoon.

Just landed via YouTube:

Normalize responding to work emails with: “What the hell are you talking about?”

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Every time you rub your eyes, they should change color a little.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Pilot is one of the few jobs where you can get fired for going above and beyond.

Breaking via Slack:

The Playstation is broken and the child has noticed that I live here too.

Going viral on Messenger:

Don’t judge me on my likes, I’m confusing the algorithm.

Just landed via TikTok:

Someone from Facebook Marketplace is coming over to either buy the chairs I have for sale, or to murder me.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Humans were not meant to have this many passwords.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I haven’t broken a mirror lately, but my water broke and I’ve had seven years of kids crawling into my bed.

I don’t simply want to kill a mosquito; I want to bite them back over and over to make them itch.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Time for some revenge… blood-bank style! 🦟🩸 Scratch that, mosquitoes! 😆😂"

annoyance, back, bite, humor, i, irritation, itch, kill, mosquito, over, pest, playful, revenge, sarcastic, simply, want

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

A gentleman always straightens out the vending machine after shaking it.

0

2 months ago

activity, always, etiquette, fun, fun activity, gentleman, humor, machine, neatness, shaking, vending, vending machine
You can never really “own” earbuds. You just have to appreciate the time you had together.

0

2 months ago

appreciate, appreciation, earbud, humor, just, loss, never, nostalgia, own, ownership, relationship, technology, time, together
Lying to stupid people can give you a profound sense of satisfaction, it can also make you president.

0

2 months ago

deception, give, humor, irony, lying, people, politics, president, satisfaction, sense, stupid, truth
The cinema vibe is my favorite, you literally forget about the world for like 2-3 hours.

0

2 months ago

cinema, entertainment, escape, favorite, forget, hours, literally, movie, relaxation, vibe, world
Tweeting with no audience feels like screaming jokes into a cornfield.

0

5 months ago

audience, communication, cornfield, feels, humor, joke, jokes, loneliness, media, screaming, social, social media, tweeting
Not to brag, but I ate all of my bananas before they turned brown. Don’t be jealous.

0

2 months ago

bananas, before, brag, bragging, brown, eating, fruit, healthy, healthy snack, humor, i, jealous, jealousy, self-confidence, snack, turned

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

41 shares on WeChat this month:

Buying new glasses this week, so a whole bunch of you are about to get a whole lot uglier.

44 shares on Twitch this month:

Never vacuuming so I don’t disrupt my carpet’s natural micro biome.

86 shares on Snapchat this month:

This meeting could have been a cave painting.

95 shares on LinkedIn this month:

First date idea: we deactivate your Instagram.

79 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Pouring an ice-cold glass of anxiety.

61 shares on Discord this month:

Hmm, that’s a bit too harsh. Let me put “lol” at the end of it.

54 shares on Threads this month:

Everyone gives pleasure in some way, one when they enter a room, the other when they leave it.

16 shares on Twitch this month:

April fools prank: replace all the sugar in your house with cocaine.

77 shares on Telegram this month:

Once I started spending my own money, I realized my mom was right. We do have food at home.

28 shares on Twitch this month:

Not being able to teleport is continuing to be a huge inconvenience for me.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

I couldn’t work at a zoo. I’d have a penguin in my car by the end of the shift.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

Being famous on social media is like being rich in Monopoly. It’s not real, so calm down.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

Trust my gut? The thing that can’t even handle milk.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

When I was a little girl, I always dreamed of growing up to satisfy user needs in a way that meets business goals for transformative outcomes.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

“Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go” by “Wham” encourages you to do something you shouldn’t do.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

I have an addiction to pattern recognition.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

I love when someone is like “I’m funny because I have trauma and it’s a coping mechanism” and it’s like “Okay, not to add to your trauma, but you’re not funny!”

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

Despite removing all the stains, I still lost my job as a church window cleaner.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

That very depressing moment when you find out the fire alarm that went off at work was just a test.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

I typed my name into Google’s search bar and it immediately auto-filled to “Doesn’t even listen to instructions” before crashing under the weight of disappointed search results.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Facebook:

In my defense, Your Honor, I was left unsupervised.

Trending via Facebook:

“Get a life!” Have you seen some of the lives out there?

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Sawing a hole in a table from underneath to steal a cake is a lot harder than cartoons would have you believe.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Whoever has my voodoo doll, if you could take some stuffing out of the midsection and give it a little forehead kiss, that would be great.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

As everyone was arguing about politics, no one saw me leave with the cake.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Yesterday, I went to the grocery store, and I managed to come home without any junk food. Now, I’m mad that we don’t have any junk food.

Making waves on Discord:

My parents didn’t raise me to be rude, I had to practice.

Live now on Snapchat:

ChatGPT’s primary use is to generate plausible excuses to leave dinner at the in-laws’.

Seen just now on Slack:

An interviewer asked me how well I can perform under pressure; I said I’m much better at Bohemian Rhapsody.

Live now on Threads:

Coffee ain’t cutting it anymore. I need to eat batteries.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I don’t simply want to kill a mosquito; I want to bite them back over and over to make them itch.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

A gentleman always straightens out the vending machine after shaking it.

You can never really “own” earbuds. You just have to appreciate the time you had together.

Lying to stupid people can give you a profound sense of satisfaction, it can also make you president.

The cinema vibe is my favorite, you literally forget about the world for like 2-3 hours.

Tweeting with no audience feels like screaming jokes into a cornfield.

Not to brag, but I ate all of my bananas before they turned brown. Don’t be jealous.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨