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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

I always need to pee, but it’s just because my heart is so big it pushes on my bladder.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

I taped a picture of my paycheck on my front door to keep all the solicitors away.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

I don’t mind being fully naked or my top half being naked, but I hate being naked from the waist down only. This is why I could never be a cartoon duck.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

Work can be tiring at times, and you might feel like quitting. But remember those plane tickets.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

In honor of the fall equinox, I will also be cold, distant and filled with darkness.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

Ears are great for tucking your hair behind in the wind. Big shout out to ears.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

A fitness trainer showed me the proper way to inhale and exhale and then got pissed when I told her she had nice breaths.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

Some days you are the table and some days you are the toe.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

Keep moving, lady, I don’t have room for you in my delusions right now.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on WeChat:

My bed has a stronger influence on me than my ambitions.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Take a broken girl, fix her. And she will go back to the same guy again.

Seen just now on Facebook:

I would rather lose you than the argument.

Going viral on Pinterest:

My favorite 90s skill: Uninstalling my car stereo and hiding it in my glove box in under 15 seconds.

Spotted on Telegram:

Still waiting for aliens to abduct me, which feels pretty rude considering I’ve been dressed and ready for years.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Money does not buy happiness, but it’s better to cry in a sports car than on a bicycle.

Just landed via Twitch:

Maybe hot chocolate wants to be called beautiful chocolate at least one time.

Trending via Pinterest:

When I get the vibe from someone that fitting in is super important to them my first instinct is to bite them.

Trending via Reddit:

I’m living in a parallel universe where I suck at parking.

Trending via Pinterest:

For someone who is afraid of failure, I’m very unmotivated.

I have officially reached the age where I am bothered by lights being on, doors left open, loud noises, and people.

1 month ago

Humorous quote about aging and increasing irritability with noisy, careless behavior.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Embracing my inner "light police"—dim the lights, shut the door, and shh… adults need their peace! 😆🚪🔇💡

age, aging, am, annoyance, being, door, doors, humor, i, left, light, lights, loud, noise, noises, open, people, where

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76 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Giving all the dogs in my neighborhood matching sweaters for Christmas so they can be in a gang.

75 shares on Messenger this month:

Started the year single. Ending the year single. Consistency is key.

65 shares on Reddit this month:

Marriage is like a phone call at the night: First there’s the ring, and then you wake up.

91 shares on Discord this month:

Me, to the printer: “Hey, could you print this out for me?” Printer: “Sure, but first I’ll show you all the sounds I can make.”

46 shares on Twitch this month:

Just got sacked from my job at a think tank for thinking about donuts.

69 shares on Threads this month:

I lost my composure in 1992. I haven’t seen it since.

54 shares on Telegram this month:

My life is just a series of awkward moments separated by snacks.

17 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m surviving motherhood, one teenage meltdown at a time.

62 shares on Reddit this month:

First date idea: unlock and switch phones with the other person for exactly two minutes and if no one is horrified then the date continues.

27 shares on Instagram this month:

One of the best examples of someone posing a question that they already know the answer to is the WeightWatchers website asking me if I accept cookies.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

Keep your temper. Nobody else wants it.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

I’m not gaining weight, I’m retaining candy.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

I need someone to wring out my brain like a dishrag.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

Imagine being hungry and some guy tries to teach you to fish.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

Getting mad at your hair is a whole different kind of angry.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

When I’m done eating… I have to show my hands to my cat, like I’m a blackjack dealer.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

I have three kids. I should be terrified of sex.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

We all know that mirrors don’t lie. I’m just very grateful that they don’t laugh.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

My only knowledge of animals is that turtles like pizza and cats like lasagna.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

Some things are better left alone, like me, for instance.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Discord:

Who called it an undertaker and not a host mortem?

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Eating watermelon and minding my own business.

Going viral on X:

Whatever you do today, do it with the confidence of a 4-year old wearing a Batman cape.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I don’t go crazy. I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Girl who is still crazy: I was crazy back then.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Clearly, hell is empty, the demons are all here.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Gonna toot my own horn here because I made it through another day without turning any of my feelings into felonies.

Just landed via Snapchat:

The sound of a buzzing fly is enough to ruin my whole mood.

Live now on Threads:

Trying to squeeze in more nothingness today, but my schedule is already packed with procrastination!

Just landed via Threads:

Long story short, I survived.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I have officially reached the age where I am bothered by lights being on, doors left open, loud noises, and people.

Gonna waterboard my houseplants so they know who’s the boss.

Beds are always the coziest when it’s time to get up and you don’t want to.

Imagine working at Pornhub. At like the corporate office as a developer or whatever. White collar. That’s gotta be a weird job. Working there has gotta be bloody weird.

I would do absolutely anything to get 8 hours of sleep, except for going to bed 8 hours before I need to wake up.

The thing about sleep is that I’d like to get some of it.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I have officially reached the age where I am bothered by lights being on, doors left open, loud noises, and people.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Gonna waterboard my houseplants so they know who’s the boss.

Beds are always the coziest when it’s time to get up and you don’t want to.

Imagine working at Pornhub. At like the corporate office as a developer or whatever. White collar. That’s gotta be a weird job. Working there has gotta be bloody weird.

I would do absolutely anything to get 8 hours of sleep, except for going to bed 8 hours before I need to wake up.

I followed a diet but it didn’t follow me back, so I unfollowed it.

The thing about sleep is that I’d like to get some of it.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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