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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

Adults should get spring break from their jobs.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

I want to be so rich that when I see a spider in my house I won’t kill it, I’d buy another house.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

“There are no words in the English language that have all the vowels in alphabetical order,” he said facetiously.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

Dear everyone. Upset, bored, angry or hungry. I’m here for you. Sincerely, fridge.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

Me and my boys are broke, so we take turns taking pictures of one iced matcha.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

All these years on the internet we have been working for artificial intelligence.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

Vote for me and I’ll remove all the calories from cheese.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,833

Funny Quotes Topics

17,014

Funny Quotes Images

14,833

Updated

Dec 9, 2025

Users Online

3,916

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Slack:

Celebrating President’s Day by not doing anything I promised I would.

Trending via Threads:

If I ever get the death penalty, I hope “by chocolate” is an option.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

The kids in Mrs. Doubtfire were pretty dumb if they couldn’t figure out that their nanny was famous actor Robin Williams the whole time.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Yeah, I’ll get up soon, I just need to look at the internet first. Yes, the whole thing.

Shared recently on Messenger:

It’s Monday, but at what cost?

Going viral on Facebook:

There should be a true crime story about feeding someone a peanut butter sandwich and giving them nothing to drink.

Just landed via Threads:

You ever get road rage while walking behind someone moving slowly at the grocery store?

I hope this 17th text in a row with no response finds you well.

4 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Guess the only thing ghosting harder than my phone battery is you! 👻📱😂

communication, finds, hope, humor, i, message, no response, patience, response, row, sarcasm, text, texting, waiting, well

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I always knew I’d get old. How fast it happened was a bit of a surprise though.

1 month ago

age, always, fast, humor, i, life, old, realization, surprise, time
Lord, please take this gas out of my stomach and put it in my car.

1 month ago

car, gas, humor, lord, prayer, put, request, stomach, take
I often choose gift bags instead of wrapping, not just out of laziness, but also because I have the fine motor skills of a drunken panda.

1 month ago

bag, choose, drunken, drunken panda, fine, fine motor skills, gift, gift bag, gift giving, giving, humor, i, just, laziness, motor, Panda, skills, wrapping
This meeting could have been a painting in a museum of boredom.

4 weeks ago

boredom, frustration, humor, meeting, museum, office, painting, sarcasm, satire
Her idea of a romantic setting is one that has a diamond in it.

1 month ago

diamond, humor, idea, love, relationship, romantic, setting
Want to know what someone is really like? Play Monopoly with them.

1 month ago

activity, competitive, fun, fun activity, game, humor, interaction, know, Monopoly, personality, play, relationship, social, social interaction, someone, want

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

Everyone’s an expert after the fact.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

I’ve never met a garlic bread I didn’t get on with.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

Workplace Wrapped: you had 60k minutes of meetings this year that could’ve been an email.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

Dear predictive text, I am tired of sending people “Thanksgiving” when they send me a recipe or directions.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has viewed:

Ah, the magical land of Monday—the gift that keeps not giving!

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

I love putting on warm underwear fresh out of the dryer. Plus, it’s fun to look around the laundromat and guess who they belong to.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

Dear God, thank you for the job I have. But if you have a lottery win planned for me, I’m ready! Thank you.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Twitch:

Sometimes I feel useless, but then I remember I breathe out carbon dioxide for plants.

Just landed via Snapchat:

If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

Spotted on Snapchat:

She said she liked animals but apparently all the fruit flies around my apartment was a “turn off”

Just shared via X:

Smile like a monkey with a new banana.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Adulting in 3 words: it’s always something.

Spotted on WeChat:

The most surprising part of adulthood is parenting your parents.

Spotted on Threads:

I have nothing nice to wear for the government shutdown.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I hope this 17th text in a row with no response finds you well.

I always knew I’d get old. How fast it happened was a bit of a surprise though.

Lord, please take this gas out of my stomach and put it in my car.

I often choose gift bags instead of wrapping, not just out of laziness, but also because I have the fine motor skills of a drunken panda.

This meeting could have been a painting in a museum of boredom.

Her idea of a romantic setting is one that has a diamond in it.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Whoever said diamonds are a girl’s best friend clearly has never met shredded cheese.

Lasagna has never broken my heart. Just saying.

Welcome to adulthood: your chin looks lonely, here’s another one.

Jesus died for your sins. If you don’t sin then he died for nothing!

If I’m ever on life support, unplug me, then plug me back in. See if that works.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Just remembered I can just get drunk after work instead of quitting. That was a close one.

Has anyone seen my invisibility cloak?

Staring at the sky for answers, nothing new.

Well, it took several decades, but I might have finally run out of things to say.

Blocking isn’t enough. I wanna throw tomatoes at you like you’re a medieval criminal.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

A big part of my job as a parent is moving things away from the edges of countertops.

“Dress for the job you want, not for the job you have” is all well and good until you’re rocking a tutu.

Call me dramatic, but I think I deserve a love confession in the rain.

Sorry I’m late, there was bubble wrap.

Netflix subtitles be like “speaking foreign language”. Bro, translate it!

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Imagine falling in love and then finding out that they put antlers on their car for the holidays.

The best thing about dogs is you can act like something really good just happened, and they’ll instantly start celebrating too. They have no idea what the context is; they’re just always ready to party, no matter what.

Fall in love? I can barely fall asleep.

Are cassette tapes considered classical music yet?

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I hope this 17th text in a row with no response finds you well.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I always knew I’d get old. How fast it happened was a bit of a surprise though.

Lord, please take this gas out of my stomach and put it in my car.

I often choose gift bags instead of wrapping, not just out of laziness, but also because I have the fine motor skills of a drunken panda.

This meeting could have been a painting in a museum of boredom.

Her idea of a romantic setting is one that has a diamond in it.

Want to know what someone is really like? Play Monopoly with them.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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