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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

I’m optimistic, in a pessimistic way.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

I’m so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

No, he didn’t ghost you, you just left him speechless, forever.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

One week of daily crunches and I have abs…urdly underestimated how long it will take to see results.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

The worst part about borrowing money is having to pay it back or move to a new city.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

The magician told me to “Pick a card! Any card!” So I took his Visa.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

I have heard that people without dogs have to pick up dropped food themselves.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

Sorry, I’m poor, I can’t afford to pay attention.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

I thrive in a waiting room. You need me to sit in a chair and look at my phone? No worries, love, I do this at home.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

“You smell so good!” Okay, so kiss me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

789 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,951

Funny Quotes Topics

13,923

Funny Quotes Images

10,951

31 minutes ago

3,433

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via LinkedIn:

Of course I stay hydrated. Carbohydrated.

Live now on Facebook:

I used to eat my feelings but now it’s so expensive, I might as well go to therapy.

Seen just now on Twitch:

If you ever need me, call me any time, day or night, and I’ll return your call when I get around to it.

Making waves on Snapchat:

I rode around the block on my bike for the first time in years and now I understand why Lance Armstrong took performance enhancing drugs.

Shared recently on Instagram:

If a man says he’ll fix it, he will fix it. There’s no need to remind him every six months.

Spotted on TikTok:

Nice to finally get back that hour they stole earlier this year.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Been whispering “I like invented her” about my newborn every few hours.

Reported on Slack:

My lotion bottle says to use it on areas of irritation, so I slathered it all over my coworker, Deborah.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I don’t make mistakes, I date them.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I like how people say “travel safely” like I’m the one flying the plane.

I just refuse to take a single bite of my food until I find something good to watch.

6 months ago

I just refuse to take a single bite of my food until I find something good to watch.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When the quest for the perfect show is more important than your growling stomach… 🤔🍔📺 Better bring out the popcorn and start the search for your culinary and entertainment match made in heaven! Who needs food when you've got the drama unfolding on screen? 🍿😂 #FirstWorldPriorities

bite, entertainment, food, good, humor, i, just, priorities, procrastination, refuse, single, something, take, watch

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

789 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,951

Funny Quotes Topics

13,923

Funny Quotes Images

10,951

31 minutes ago

3,425

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

Enjoy it now because you’re only going to get older and fatter.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

What we need is an evil Santa who steals our children’s most annoying toys.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

Life is too short, and death is too long.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

Some people are like “I’m a people pleaser,” and not a single person is pleased with them.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

There is no bigger day for microwaves than the 26th day of December. This is their Olympics.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

You’re in his DMs, I’m outside his window with a JBL speaker streaming Taylor Swift.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

“It can’t get any worse than this”, I lie to myself knowing it will absolutely get worse.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

Can’t, I’m pulling it together.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

Researchers have discovered that birthdays are healthy. People who have more grow older.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

I have heard that people without dogs have to pick up dropped food themselves.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Rent really don’t make no sense. Like, why is my apartment getting a raise every year? Who is doing the performance review?

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Not a religious man but I do say a short prayer whenever I open a gas station restroom door.

Making waves on Reddit:

I love coming home and being at home and sitting inside my home and staying home.

Reported on Threads:

Just walked by an empath and his head exploded.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Might start a YouTube channel “will it hurt if I drop it on my foot”.

Trending via Discord:

In a massage chair at the mall just moaning really loud.

Going viral on Discord:

Apparently, telling your friends not to stress about their wedding because “it’s your first marriage” is not the right thing to say.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

April Fool’s next week and still no one has asked me to be their fool.

Just shared via Discord:

I replaced my old flat pillow that hurt my neck with a new fat fluffy pillow that hurts my neck.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera.

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