Wordgag 🎅

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

To accommodate the size of my wife’s new water bottle, we’ve replaced the passenger seat of her car with a cupholder.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

At my next therapy session, I will be discussing the trauma I’ve been dealing with ever since the grocery store layout was altered.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

I learned Morse code, and then I couldn’t sleep because the rain kept telling me to go fuck myself.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

The only thing we need to bring back is duels.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

Today I broke my personal record for most consecutive days lived.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

Doctor: Your body has run out of magnesium. Me: OMg.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

I am crumbling under the tyranny of constantly needing to ‘Create an Account’.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

Boss: You’ll never find another job like this. Me: That’d be great.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

If someone texts “Do you have a minute,” it’s a trick. Don’t fall for it.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

Reading a book and coming across a character’s name that you don’t know how to pronounce, so for the rest of the book, every time you see it, your brain just goes ‘skdjfkskakfk.’

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

501 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,094

Funny Quotes Topics

17,246

Funny Quotes Images

15,094

Dec 22, 2025

4,025

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Facebook:

My real introduction to classical music came from watching Tom & Jerry cartoons as a kid. Also how I got into sadism.

Seen just now on Threads:

I’m a people pleaser, unless you don’t like that. Then I’m not.

Going bananas on YouTube:

Welcome to middle age. Everything you encounter is either blurry or too loud now.

Spotted on Facebook:

Changing your mind is an underrated activity.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I hated rats even before my girlfriend left me for one.

Going bananas on Threads:

I remember when the only in-flight movie choices were either you watched or you didn’t.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

As someone with OCD, I can’t help but respect how Pringles are just like, no, this is the order you must eat them in.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Saw someone from high school. She said she hadn’t seen me in years. That’s likely because I’d always seen her first.

Going viral on TikTok:

I didn’t really feel old until my doctor hit me with the “at your age…”

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I’ve heard that people who don’t have Facebook use their free time to lie naked on top of each other. Ew, imagine that.

I just tried to groom my dog myself, and I now fully understand why the dog groomer charges more for a haircut than my own stylist.

2 months ago

0

I just tried to groom my dog myself, and I now fully understand why the dog groomer charges more for a haircut than my own stylist.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Oh, the trials and tribulations of DIY dog grooming! 💇‍♀️🐶 Who knew those furry friends could be such demanding clients? Maybe it's time to leave the styling to the professionals and stick to the simple tricks like fetch and belly rubs. 😉 #DogGroomingStruggles"

care, dog, dog groomer, experience, funny observation, groom, groomer, grooming, grooming experience, haircut, i, just, myself, observation, own, pet, pet care, stylist, understand

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

There should be a tented fingers emoji. For when you’re feeling ruminative.

0

2 months ago

emoji, feeling, finger, fingers, humor, rumination, should, tent, thinking
You give my middle finger an erection.

0

1 month ago

adult, adult humor, finger, give, humor, insult, joke, middle, middle finger, sarcasm, vulgar
This pillow isn’t going to scream into itself.

0

2 months ago

comfort, expression, going, humor, pillow, relatable, scream, sleep
Oh good. Another day.

0

1 month ago

another, day, good, humor, irony, oh, pessimism, routine, sarcasm
Filling my PEZ dispenser with Ibuprofen for whimsical pain relief.

0

2 months ago

antics, candy, dispenser, humor, ibuprofen, medicine, pain, pain relief, PEZ, quirky, relief, whimsical
“You’re such a stalker!” God forbid a woman wants to know more about her future husband.

0

1 month ago

curiosity, dating, future, God, humor, husband, know, relationship, stalker, wants, woman

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

29 shares on X this month:

Don’t be ashamed to fart while you urinate, cause there is no rain without thunder.

82 shares on Pinterest this month:

A middle finger hits different when your nails are done.

49 shares on X this month:

If we’re walking together, just know I’ll definitely bump into you because I can’t walk in a straight line.

35 shares on WeChat this month:

I’m trying to be awesome today, but I’m too exhausted from being so awesome yesterday.

12 shares on Messenger this month:

I miss you (the money I spent).

93 shares on Telegram this month:

I keep my mind active by worrying.

93 shares on Twitch this month:

Mercury is no longer in retrograde, so never trust a cow because the sun can’t swim.

38 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The worst part about waking up is all the remembering.

35 shares on Threads this month:

Unless it’s manic, I don’t want to hear about your Monday.

10 shares on WeChat this month:

I haven’t lost my virginity because I never lose.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

80 percent of my life now is just “hmmmm… should I bring my jacket or not?”

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Let’s build a fort with blankets and pillows, and just stay in it all day.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Eventually, kids get old enough to see which parent was the problem.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Why can’t men admit when they doze off? What’s wrong with them?

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Millennials are just 30-40-year-olds who look 20-30 years old and feel 80-90 years old.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Photos are cool because they are like now but for later.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Having sex with the same person gets freakier and nastier each time.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Unfortunately, I wasn’t built for casual dating, I’m only built for intense soul crushing love at first sight.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I have decided to purchase the grocery store because it is now cheaper than the groceries inside it.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m so broke, I owe myself money.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

501 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,094

Funny Quotes Topics

17,246

Funny Quotes Images

15,094

Updated

Dec 22, 2025

Users Online

3,788

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇦 has copied:

My mom always used to tell me that I look cute when I sleep. My boss has a different opinion.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

Instead of saying “Good morning,” my wife and I go straight into explanations of how badly we each slept.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

Viewing someone’s LinkedIn after they’ve viewed yours to assert dominance.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

The man who invented the Ferris wheel never met the man who invented the merry-go-round. They traveled in different circles.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

To bed then. To bed with you! Guards, take him to my bed!

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

Savannah is one of the only girl’s names that’s also a significant “biome”.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has copied:

Dear sleep, I’m sorry we broke up this morning. I want you back!

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

Robot bartender rips me in half after listening to my problems for over an hour.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

Mr. Beast is like if they made Dubai into a person.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

Whenever my hormones try to get me to reproduce after all, I go to IKEA and watch the goings-on there. After that, I’m good again.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Facebook:

AirBnB is fun for when you want to be financially abused by a stranger with a binder filled with rules.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

My body is in shock this morning from having to wake up early and wear hard pants.

Making waves on YouTube:

I’m beginning to think that for some of you, the wheels on the bus do not go round and round.

Just landed via X:

Filling my PEZ dispenser with Ibuprofen for whimsical pain relief.

Spotted on YouTube:

There are no laws against pineapples on pizza.

Live now on LinkedIn:

“Grey” is a better spelling than “gray” because “e” is a greyer letter than “a.” I will not elaborate.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Old people like to golf every day because they are so sick of everyone’s shit and just wanna repeatedly whack something.

Trending via Messenger:

Foreplay is great, I particularly like the part where I peel them, chop them into pieces, then roast them in the oven until they’re all crispy and delicious.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

The global energy crisis could be solved if only we could harness the power of my wife slamming my car door.

Trending via Discord:

Mrs. Doubtfire is my favorite movie about violating a custody agreement.

© 2025. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴