Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

If you’re riding in my car, that little middle piece is for my elbow — not yours.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

One of the hardest things to do as an adult is to go back to work after a long weekend.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

You know that moment when you get up in the morning, you’re full of energy and you can’t wait to get to work? Me neither!

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

And for my next trick, I’m going to miss you in a million unspoken ways.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

Slowly descending into madness. Anyone want anything?

Someone from 🇺🇬 has shared:

You’re still ragebaiting? Everyone is on vagueposting now. Keep up.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

Parenting is cheering on your kid’s winning softball team all weekend and then cheering on the Sunday rain for cancelling the rest of the games.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

Forget carrying me to bed; carry me to the end of the workweek. Then we can talk.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

Weight gain makes me sad. Luckily, eating cheers me right back up.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

My husband needs a hearing aid, but refuses to get one because it’s the key to our happy marriage.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,277

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Snapchat:

Not eating the cookie I’m craving. I better wake up skinny tomorrow.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

The first time I saw a kiwi I thought it’s a potato with fur.

Trending via Threads:

I gave you a follow back, not a Tinder match, don’t “Hey, beautiful” me.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Unfortunately for the both of us, I really like you.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Being anti-AI right now feels like being one of the few unbitten humans in a zombie apocalypse.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Most puns make me feel numb, but math puns make me feel number.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Dear algorithm, please show this post only to people who have innate psionic abilities and would use their abilities for the betterment of humanity if given a chance.

Just landed via X:

Roses are red, violets are blue. When I listen to rock music, my neighbors do too.

Making waves on TikTok:

Kids these days are soft. I’m pretty sure I died once when I was 7, and my mom made me walk it off.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

There has been a British voice in my head saying, “Bit sad innit,” for the past few weeks.

I just tried to groom my dog myself, and I now fully understand why the dog groomer charges more for a haircut than my own stylist.

2 weeks ago

Witty quote about DIY dog grooming highlighting humorous cost comparison with stylists.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Oh, the trials and tribulations of DIY dog grooming! 💇‍♀️🐶 Who knew those furry friends could be such demanding clients? Maybe it's time to leave the styling to the professionals and stick to the simple tricks like fetch and belly rubs. 😉 #DogGroomingStruggles"

care, dog, dog groomer, experience, funny observation, groom, groomer, grooming, grooming experience, haircut, i, just, myself, observation, own, pet, pet care, stylist, understand

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

84 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I like to establish dominance by yawning the minute someone tries to make small talk with me.

66 shares on Twitch this month:

Many men also have a walk-in closet. For them, it’s just called a floor.

62 shares on Reddit this month:

You get to a certain age and realize stretching is non-negotiable.

82 shares on WeChat this month:

I do my best to kill everyone with kindness, but they don’t seem to be dying.

30 shares on Messenger this month:

Foolproof? Yeah, well we’ll see about that.

55 shares on Threads this month:

The sexual tension between me and vanishing without context is insane.

28 shares on X this month:

I am losing touch with reality and I couldn’t be happier.

42 shares on Telegram this month:

The sexual orientation where you’re attracted to both and men and women but they’re not attracted to you is called Bi-yourself.

17 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Body by sandwich.

13 shares on Telegram this month:

I find it extremely hard to believe that you’re rolling on the floor laughing.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

What base is it when you’re flirting with a woman, and she asks, “Are you all right”?

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Lego bricks are classic educational toys. You step on them once and you can do ballet.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

“I’m tired of being forced to eat microplastics. I’m ready for big plastics now.”

13 folks are currently checking 👀

If overthinking burned calories, I’d never need to exercise again.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Why is everyone looking for intelligent life in space? Can we please start on Earth first?

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Calling the police when someone unfollows.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

So apparently problems don’t go away if you ignore them.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

You can’t make everyone happy. You’re not a jar of Nutella.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Lazy Rule: Can’t reach it, don’t need it.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

My real introduction to classical music came from watching Tom & Jerry cartoons as a kid. Also how I got into sadism.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,374

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

We’re putting that movie you love back in theaters on one random Wednesday — and we’re not gonna tell you until Tuesday.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

It’s so important to warm up before any physical activity, like getting out of bed.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

Our pronunciation of the word “colonel” does feel like group psychosis.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

I need a Netflix show called: “Background noise while you scroll on your phone.”

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

I don’t hate you, I just don’t want to see you alive.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

90% of the things I worry about never happen. Worrying seems to be working.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

I hate liars, but what I hate more is when they think I’m an idiot and won’t find out the truth.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

I don’t hate you, but I hope you run out of hot water before you’re finished your shower.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

I don’t care if it’s cliché, I will always enjoy a ‘small town but something messed up is happening’ story.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

“Don’t judge a book by its cover” is a beautiful, powerful sentiment that I fully ignore when book shopping.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Twitch:

Adulthood is basically just trying to fall asleep at night and stay awake during the day.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

My toxic trait is that I expect people to have common sense, and I get mad when they don’t.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Welcome to your 40’s: you have big plans tonight. No, you don’t.

Just shared via Instagram:

You tell people you’re not trying to drink and they act like you just turned down 100k.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

It’s so embarrassing when you make a silly face at a baby, and they do not care at all.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Instead of renting an apartment, I’m going to save up for a lighthouse and go insane in it.

Trending via WeChat:

Told my homie I was “going through it” and he just said “go around it”.

Breaking via Messenger:

Sometimes when I’m having a particularly stressful day, I take a pregnancy test to remind myself that at least one thing in my life is still going as planned.

Shared recently on WeChat:

It’s Monday again and I’m about to make it everyone’s problem.

Trending via Threads:

People who say that they don’t have time for my bullshit should wake up an hour earlier.

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