Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

Playdates were invented to force parents into cleaning their home.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

I generally don’t know what the hell I’m doing, but I’m really good at it.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

People who live in glass houses should install frosted glass around the toilet part.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

When I was a kid, there were two ways to die, natural causes and talking back to your parents.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

People say “go big or go home” like going home is a bad thing. Heck yeah, I want to go home, and I’ll have a nap when I get there.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

We must all do our part for the planet. The other day I unplugged a row of electric cars nobody was using.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

They should invent a word for when you’re alive but not really living.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

After you do your laundry, you should be allowed to get in the dryer and tumble for a little. No charge.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

The way turkeys feel about November is probably how treadmills feel about January.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

Keep your friends close, but your smartphone closer.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

239 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,508

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,508

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,240

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WeChat:

Went fishing and actually caught a fish. So now I gotta deal with this shit.

Broadcasted on X:

“Time After Time” is my favorite song about doing the dishes.

Live now on YouTube:

My problem is I buy outfits I don’t have shoes for and shoes I don’t have outfits for.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Bragging about how I’ve “really turned my life around recently” without mentioning in which direction.

Trending via Reddit:

My only plan for this weekend is to move just enough so the people don’t think I’m dead.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

For the amount of meat you get out of clam, I feel like we could just leave them alone.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Mercury retrograde: because adulting is hard, and sometimes you just need a celestial excuse.

Just landed via Pinterest:

I installed a bike rack on my car so my neighbors think I do something else besides drink.

Just shared via Slack:

At least 80% of my day is spent holding back my inappropriate thoughts.

Making waves on TikTok:

I’ll marry the person who can go to a family event with me and still like me afterward.

I like to swear a lot so that people will keep their kids away from me.

0
I like to swear a lot so that people will keep their kids away from me.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, that's one way to maintain personal space! 🔞🤬 It's like a modern-day version of a "keep out" sign. Just sprinkle a few choice words and voilà, instant privacy! Just remember, kids might be gone, but adults might find you oddly entertaining. 😅

, , , , , , , , , , ,

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes
🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

82 shares on WeChat this month:

Going to the bathroom at night with my flashlight on and a dog next to me feels like I’m gonna solve a mystery.

27 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Oh, to live in an apartment alone and do whatever I want.

49 shares on Threads this month:

I need someone to look at me the way I look at memes.

57 shares on Twitch this month:

One week of daily crunches and I have abs…urdly underestimated how long it will take to see results.

14 shares on Facebook this month:

How do you politely tell someone that they ruined your life?

53 shares on Instagram this month:

Everyone hates drama, yet somehow the tabloids remain in business.

48 shares on Discord this month:

My favorite dance move is trying to get out of my own way.

50 shares on Slack this month:

Whenever I’m with real yappers, I realize I might actually be a listener.

12 shares on X this month:

A penguin is a bird the way a hot dog is a sandwich.

36 shares on X this month:

Going on dates is hard because do I like them or do I just have sooo much fun being me.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I didn’t know that Rome wasn’t built in a day. I wasn’t on that job.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m so thankful I live on the planet that has pizza.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I feel like people just come to the airport to cough.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Welcome to your 40s: you’re not having a midlife crisis, you’re just awake.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Women don’t pretend anymore to dig for something in their purse and then pull out their middle finger.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

“You look tired.” Yes, bro, I stayed up all night obsessing over things I have no control over.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Bro to bro: Never get your haircut on the day of a special event.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Therapy? I have Spotify.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not joining no alternate Twitter app. If this gets taken down, I’m starting a family.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s like ten thousand tweets when all you need is a life.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

239 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,508

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,508

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,611

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

Your opinions are not my business.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

Iced coffee and crying, the most Californian afternoon.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

There are 400 billion stars in our galaxy and perhaps two trillion galaxies in total, and I just wonder if Miss Universe fully understands her achievement.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

They charge you for the groceries and then they charge you for the toilet paper when you turn the groceries into poop. Open your eyes!

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

A simple “hi” can be the beginning of two years of therapy.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

It’s so cold that men who wear shorts outside in the winter are wearing TWO pairs of shorts.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

Why does Bruce Wayne, the billionaire, not simply rig Gotham City’s elections in favor of tough-on-crime candidates?

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

An Amish party in the desert called churning man.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

“I asked Grok. I asked ChatGPT.” Yeah, well, I asked my mom. She said no.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

Santa has the right idea: only visit people once a year, eat a snack, leave early.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I just tried to poach an egg and I now understand why Eggs Benedict is $23

Spotted on Reddit:

“Why does my back always hurt?”, I say, while never sitting upright in a chair.

Breaking via Messenger:

Can’t wait for this AI bubble to pop so we can all go back to normal, just like how the internet completely disappeared after the dot-com bubble popped.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Called in telepathically this morning, so they know I’m thinking of them.

Going viral on Pinterest:

I love it when strangers smile at me and I smile back, and we have that nice stranger smiling moment.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Commas are like garlic, you measure with your heart.

Breaking via Slack:

You can pronounce it “Nude Jersey” and no one will know.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Who called it a Cybertruck and not a Deplorean?

Broadcasted on WeChat:

I don’t need a maid. I just need someone to tell me once a week that they’re coming to visit, and I’ll panic-clean my entire house in less than an hour.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

If you tell lies about me, I’ll tell the truth about you.

© 2026. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴