I made soup while whispering “He was never mine,” like it’s 1893, and I just lost my beloved to a duel.

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Going to a DaBaby concert because I need some alone time, and I know no one else will be there.

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Sex in the snow is wintercourse.

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There is no sex. I lied. You are gonna lay here and take personality quizzes with me.

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I hope the world needs to be saved from the apocalypse with video game skills so my teen’s entire life won’t have been a complete waste.

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Dudes be named Will but won’t.

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Okay, that’s enough todaying for today.

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When the grocery store moves the aisles around, you should be able to call the cops.