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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

I’m surprised some of you are allowed out of your house on your own.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

Who needs a dominatrix when you can be beaten up by an automatically retracting vacuum cleaner cable?

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

I don’t like people who take drugs, for example: airport security.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

I can cope well with most situations. Hearing someone smack is not one of them.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

Girl dinner, but it’s the hearts of men who wouldn’t take ‘no’ for an answer.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

Getting older means talking to less people and complaining about more people.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

3,702

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

For financial reasons, I will be passing away.

Making waves on Discord:

I remember when my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? And I told him everyone knows he doesn’t hire stupid people.

Going bananas on Threads:

If trees offered Wi-Fi, we would plant more of them. Too bad they only produce this oxygen thing.

Trending via TikTok:

Excuse me, but would you sign my petition to ban petitions?

Going viral on Slack:

A simple “hi” can be the beginning of two years of therapy.

Breaking via Threads:

Germany is now advising people to stock up on cheese and sausages. This is called the Wurst Käse scenario.

Just shared via Messenger:

Why did they call it K-pop and not Seoul music?

I think my boss is delusional; he keeps shaking his head and calls me Jesus Christ.

1 month ago

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Commentary:
When your boss keeps confusing your work ethic with turning water into wine 🍷😇 #PromotionPending

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

“The only thing standing between you and your dreams is you!” Yeah, have you met me? That’s gonna be a problem.

1 month ago
dream, dreams, humor, introspection, me, motivation, obstacles, only, problem, self, self-awareness, standing, thing
Painted all of my red flags orange for fall.

2 months ago
fall, flag, humor, orange, paint, red, red flag, relationship, seasonal, sign, warning, warning sign
Horror movies have ruined the joy of skinny-dipping for me.

1 month ago
activity, comedy, experience, fear, fun, fun activity, horror, horror movie, joy, me, movie, personal, personal experience, skinny-dip, swimming
Channeling my inner pretzel to achieve expert-level bad posture.

5 months ago
bad, body, flexibility, humor, inner, joke, posture, pretzel, self-deprecation
My red flag is that I don’t make playlists on Spotify. I just add every song I’ve ever liked to the ‘Liked Songs’ playlist and shuffle that, like an iPod.

4 months ago
add, ever, every, flag, humor, i, iPod, just, liked, liked song, music, playlist, playlists, red, red flag, shuffle, song, songs, Spotify
I have never in my life learned from another person’s mistakes, I would literally let a giant wooden horse into my house right this second.

1 month ago
absurdity, another, cautionary, cautionary tale, giant, horse, house, humor, i, irony, lesson, let, life, life lesson, mistake, mistakes, never, right, second, self-awareness, tale, wooden, wooden horse

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

Coconut water taste like it’s been in someone else’s mouth.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

If you’re reading a book in public, you better be on at least page 140 or something.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

When I say “the other day”, it can be anytime between yesterday and my birth.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

Stephen King’s It is the bone chilling story about adults who are forced to spend time with their childhood friends.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

I’d be less aggressive in the morning if I could drive to work in a tank.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

When you’re a snowman, everything smells like a carrot.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

My hobbies include saying, “I’m so tired,” and then staying up for three more hours doing nothing.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Messenger:

My boyfriend just said “I encourage you to try all things” to our cat who was licking up Buffalo sauce.

Just landed via Discord:

I don’t post for money or fame, I post because there’s something seriously wrong with me.

Breaking via Slack:

I don’t remember if I took my pills, but I can’t check because I can’t remember where I put my glasses.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

My mood is currently on “shuffle”.

Shared recently on Facebook:

I just come here for the free life advice and inspirational quotes from people who’s lives are complete train wrecks.

Going bananas on YouTube:

Oh my God, “unc” means uncool. I thought it meant uncle. Like you’re carrying the energy of someone’s weird uncle.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right louder.

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Activity Log ✨

I think my boss is delusional; he keeps shaking his head and calls me Jesus Christ.

“The only thing standing between you and your dreams is you!” Yeah, have you met me? That’s gonna be a problem.

Painted all of my red flags orange for fall.

Horror movies have ruined the joy of skinny-dipping for me.

Channeling my inner pretzel to achieve expert-level bad posture.

My red flag is that I don’t make playlists on Spotify. I just add every song I’ve ever liked to the ‘Liked Songs’ playlist and shuffle that, like an iPod.

I have never in my life learned from another person’s mistakes, I would literally let a giant wooden horse into my house right this second.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Seize the day! Unless it sucks. Then seize the next one.

Whenever my Mother-in-Law’s stories end with “And I turned out OK” I’m looking around like who’s gonna tell her.

I love reaching into my messy bag looking for something and everyone around me hears like glass breaking and bombs going off and a cat meowing from inside there.

“You’ve changed!” Yeah, I don’t like you.

Had salad for the third night in a row and now I get why you’re so angry, vegans.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

You see how in cartoons, when they’re hungry, their friends start looking like a chicken leg? That’s how ovulation feels.

Born to hate people. Somehow ended up in customer service.

I used to judge cat owners for giving in to their pets’ whims too easily, but holy shit, these animals are relentless and would starve themselves to organ failure just because one time, weeks ago, they had a taste of some ‘better’ food.

“You’re at the age where both 1990 and 2003 are flirting with you.”

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Goodnight to the men who know one woman is enough. The rest can die.

It was the worst of times, it was the worst of times.

Airports are so funny. Like, “Oh, you’re flying across the country? Would you like to hang out in a mall first?”

What’s your favorite song about a white boy playing funky music?

Coworker: Where are you going after work? Me: Away from you.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

I don’t do exercise because one time I kneed myself in the face doing a burpee.

Took the road less travelled after buying the sat nav less expensive.

3 friends is enough. 1 for the movie theater, 1 for drinks and apps, 1 for texting concerning mental health information.

I get real disrespectful with serving sizes. A bag is not gonna tell me what to do.

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I think my boss is delusional; he keeps shaking his head and calls me Jesus Christ.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

“The only thing standing between you and your dreams is you!” Yeah, have you met me? That’s gonna be a problem.

Painted all of my red flags orange for fall.

Horror movies have ruined the joy of skinny-dipping for me.

Channeling my inner pretzel to achieve expert-level bad posture.

My red flag is that I don’t make playlists on Spotify. I just add every song I’ve ever liked to the ‘Liked Songs’ playlist and shuffle that, like an iPod.

I have never in my life learned from another person’s mistakes, I would literally let a giant wooden horse into my house right this second.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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