Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

Acceptance truly begins when you ask Alexa to play classic rock and she plays a song that came out when you were in high school.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

One day you’re 18 eating pizza for every lunch, then suddenly you’re 30 and eating salad with celery and kale juice.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

You don’t get much engagement? Have you tried being retarded.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

My husband cleaned the kitchen for the first time in years. He’s in the living room, dressed in a suit, waiting for the award ceremony to commence.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

Teens be like, “This is the worst day of my life,” and it’s just that they were told to unload the dishwasher.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

Can somebody explain to me why it’s bad if immigrants take our jobs, but it’s good if AI does?

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

The most dangerous drinking game I play, is seeing how long I can go without coffee.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

“How is the job search going?” First of all, that is a violent question. And it hurts me, by the way. And second, how the hell should I know.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

You ask for a Swedish massage and then get mad when I roll meatballs on your back.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

Job applications are so stupid. “What’s your desired salary?” Ten billion dollars. Next question.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,709

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I don’t need to learn something new, I need to remember something old, like why did I come into this room?

Making waves on Threads:

iPad PR is so crazy because you think you absolutely need one until you get it.

Trending via Telegram:

The leading cause for injury in old men is them thinking they are still young men.

Making waves on Messenger:

I could never give up my dog, he knows too much.

Going bananas on Instagram:

November is for turtlenecks and depression.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

“Delusional” ain’t a strong enough word to describe people anymore.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Kids be like: “Nice bathroom mirror. It would be a shame if I spat toothpaste all over it.”

Seen just now on WeChat:

Having a Bible verse in your bio doesn’t make you a good person.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

No one told me middle age would be so fuzzy, and if you are wondering whether I mean my eyesight or my facial hair, yes.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.

I think probably the reason some people look better at 30 than at 20 is because they’re wealthier.

3 days ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Guess I gotta start saving up for my 30s glow-up fund! 💸✨😅

20, 30, age, aging, appearance, beauty, better, humor, i, lifestyle, money, people, reason, think, wealth

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Not a gold digger, but the other night a woman told me her grandpa owns a Christmas tree farm. That shit had me rubbing my hands like a fly.

0

4 months ago

Christmas, Christmas tree farm, digger, farm, flirting, fly, gold, gold digger, grandpa, hand, hand rubbing, hands, humor, me, night, rubbing, shit, told, tree, woman
Please be delicate with me, I’m built like a Nature Valley bar.

0

2 months ago

bar, built, delicate, food, fragility, humor, me, nature, Nature Valley, snack, valley, vulnerability
Adulting is realizing Monday is a better ‘off day’ than Friday.

0

2 months ago

adulting, better, day, Friday, humor, life, life realization, Monday, off day, realization, week, work, work week
You’d think someone in the room would’ve spoken up like “hey guys, maybe it’s a bad idea to make one ring to rule them all”.

0

2 months ago

bad, guy, humor, idea, Lord of the Rings, ring, room, rule, speak
Maybe Monday is more scared of us than we are of it… we don’t know.

0

5 months ago

attitude, fear, humor, know, maybe, Monday, motivation, scared, us, week
In the coffee shop, booing everyone who orders decaf.

0

5 months ago

booing, coffee, coffee shop, decaf, everyone, humor, shop

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

100 shares on Reddit this month:

Sometimes I’ll call in, disguise my voice, and insist on speaking to me, or I’ll take my business elsewhere.

94 shares on Instagram this month:

My husband keeps borrowing and losing my tweezers, so I’m naming this chin hair after him.

25 shares on Reddit this month:

That one friend who has a dangerously loose grasp on food safety.

19 shares on Twitch this month:

To whoever has my voodoo doll, please stop making her go to work.

85 shares on Instagram this month:

I poked your tweet with a stick, hoping it would do something.

86 shares on X this month:

Fun fact: Malcolm X was not his birth name. He was originally Malcolm Twitter.

33 shares on YouTube this month:

Maybe Baby wants to be put in the corner.

89 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My keyboard must be broken, I keep hitting the escape key, but I’m still at work.

61 shares on YouTube this month:

Excuse me, but would you sign my petition to ban petitions?

36 shares on Discord this month:

“I’m disgusted by how many of you still use Spotify. I use a fair trade, ethically conscientious mom-and-pop platform called Apple Music.”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

If you find my upper lip mole sexy, wait till you see the dark spot on my MRI.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

Rappers be making you feel guilty for no reason at all: “You was in the house eating dinner while I was in the streets hungry”. Like my fault, bro.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

I wanna date one of those guys who really loves their girlfriend.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

Playing Mortal Kombat at an arcade in the 90’s would fix me.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

To-do list: bite the hand that feeds me, put all my eggs in one basket, kill two birds with one stone, let the cat out of the bag, think inside the box, burn bridges, walk on thin ice, play with fire.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

My cat just sneezed a bunch of times in a row and then hissed at himself. What an icon!

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

I’m feeling sexy today. You’ve been warned.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

I’m not climbing a hill if I’m dying. That sounds terrible. I’ll die on this chair. Drinking orange Fanta.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

There’s nothing worse than being in public and you touch something that shouldn’t be sticky and it is.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

If you feel depressed, go for a run. You will soon find out your physical health is far worse than your mental health.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Call your family now and ask them what the wifi password is, so they have time to find the little paper it’s written on before Thanksgiving.

Spotted on X:

Don’t underestimate your white tee and denim jeans.

Just landed via Snapchat:

I’ve decided that I’m going to underthink today.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Just drafted the drunk text I’m going to send after one drink this weekend.

Live now on WhatsApp:

SHEIN does entirely too much on their app. Feels like a freaking casino every time you open it.

Just shared via Telegram:

Canceled a date for a date with another guy, and that guy canceled. It’s what I deserve.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Parenting is cheering on your kid’s winning softball team all weekend and then cheering on the Sunday rain for cancelling the rest of the games.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

If you gain 4 pounds in one weekend, that just means you’re an overachiever.

Spotted on Twitch:

Haunted house idea: a poorly lit Walmart littered with people you haven’t seen since high school.

Seen just now on WeChat:

It’s unbelievable how much work goes into having a mid-physique and a relatively clean house.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I think probably the reason some people look better at 30 than at 20 is because they’re wealthier.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Not a gold digger, but the other night a woman told me her grandpa owns a Christmas tree farm. That shit had me rubbing my hands like a fly.

Please be delicate with me, I’m built like a Nature Valley bar.

Adulting is realizing Monday is a better ‘off day’ than Friday.

You’d think someone in the room would’ve spoken up like “hey guys, maybe it’s a bad idea to make one ring to rule them all”.

Maybe Monday is more scared of us than we are of it… we don’t know.

In the coffee shop, booing everyone who orders decaf.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨