Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

It’s not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

The government always waits until the last minute to prevent a shutdown, much like my approach to paying taxes.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

No, I didn’t eat enough protein today, but I did think of you with enough intensity to generate new muscle tissue in my heart.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

If you want to hang out with me, all you have to do is ask, and I’ll say no.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

The way that we’re constantly told not to eat silica gel makes me suspect that it contains all the world’s forbidden knowledge.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

“I asked ChatGPT”. I confided in Amazon. I confessed to McDonald’s. I have an inside joke with Exxon Mobil.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

About to watch Tenet for the first time and I enjoyed it.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

Mornings would be fine if they started later.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

They’re bluffing when they say you can still get knocked off the nice list this late in the game. Santa’s been delivering gifts in Japan for hours by now; that list is locked. Do whatever you want.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

I have the patience of a nearly ripe avocado.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,269

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via WeChat:

Hungry me has no respect for bathroom scale me.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Reverse cowgirl because first dates are awkward.

Freshly posted on Slack:

The worst part about re-watching Home Alone is you just know Kevin’s parents bought this house for like $250K.

Just landed via X:

90% of the things I worry about never happen. Worrying works.

Shared recently on TikTok:

My career goal is to be able to just delete my LinkedIn account at some point.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Wake me when AI does housework.

Live now on X:

Being on Twitter right now is like playing the violin on the Titanic, except we are also making fun of the iceberg and the iceberg is getting genuinely mad.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I’m off to club bed, featuring DJ Pillow and MC Blanky.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

I want to be so rich that when I see a spider in my house I won’t kill it, I’d buy another house.

Seen just now on Twitch:

There’s a famous ancient Chinese proverb, but it’s written in Chinese so I have no idea what it says.

I used an air fryer for the first time tonight, and I feel like I just discovered fire.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Just call me the modern-day caveman, but with less smoke and more crunch! 🔥🍟😄

air, air fryer, appliance, cooking, discovery, feel, fire, first time, fryer, humor, i, just, kitchen, modern, modern appliance, time, tonight, used

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Sometimes I glance over at my boyfriend, and he’s just looking at Google Maps, scrolling around.

0

4 days ago

around, boyfriend, distraction, funny observation, glance, Google, Google Maps, humor, i, just, looking, maps, navigation, observation, over, relationship, relationship humor, scrolling, sometimes
Taking my heart off my sleeve, I fold it up neatly and carefully place it back inside my chest.

0

2 months ago

back, carefully, chest, emotion, feelings, fold, heart, humor, i, inside, irony, metaphor, place, romantic, self-awareness, taking, vulnerability
At what point is a salad no longer a salad based on how much bacon I add?

0

2 months ago

bacon, cooking, diet, food, humor, i, point, question, salad
I’d be a horrible stalker… I’m always late.

0

2 months ago

always, horrible, horrible stalker, humor, ID, joke, late, procrastination, stalker
There is no bigger lie than “fun for the whole family”.

0

2 months ago

activity, bigger, expectation, family, fun, humor, lie, truth, whole
Lowkey terrifying when someone attractive is actually into you, omg.

0

3 months ago

actually, anxiety, attraction, attractive, crush, dating, fear, humor, insecurity, OMG, relationship, social, social anxiety, someone, terrifying

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

75 shares on Pinterest this month:

The world was better off when street gangs settled things with choreographed dance battles.

74 shares on Slack this month:

It’s so hot that my shadow just went back inside and gave me the finger.

43 shares on TikTok this month:

Good morning to everyone except my baby, who already said good morning to me at 1 a.m., 3 a.m., and 5:46 a.m.

99 shares on Instagram this month:

Strict parents raise good liars.

98 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I will never give another woman my heart until I see how she acts when a bee flies at her.

47 shares on Reddit this month:

Absolutely love wanting to do a lot of things and ending up not doing even one! Yay.

51 shares on Pinterest this month:

Half princess, half menace.

53 shares on Discord this month:

Ladies, if you receive flowers with no card on them today, they’re from me.

36 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’ve started dating myself exclusively but it’s not working out.

13 shares on Twitch this month:

That very depressing moment when you find out the fire alarm that went off at work was just a test.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

I can easily spot a wolf in sheep’s clothing but this guy was dressed like my grandmother which threw me off.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

My body is 70% water and 30% tired of pretending I know what I’m doing.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

My kids and I have this bit where I say something and they ignore me.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

It’s messed up how us humans have to obey all these laws while bears get to eat whoever they want.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

I may be the reason why our kids are ugly, but you’re the reason why they’re stupid.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

Easy there, unsaved number.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

Men are only nice for 3 weeks, then surprise you with another personality.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

Hyphenated. Non-hyphenated. The irony.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

I heard God is testing both of us at the same time. Wanna hang out?

Someone from 🇸🇻 has copied:

Men be like, “Ok, you wanna know the truth,” and lie even harder.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Pinterest:

Debugging is like being the detective in a crime where you are also the murderer. Following the clues of an idiot.

Seen just now on Slack:

People will be like “Nobody cares about your Spotify Wrapped,” and then post a picture of their baby.

Live now on Slack:

Showering at night is so sexy and clean and self-care vibes. Showering in the morning is so productivity core, cog in the machine core.

Shared recently on Threads:

I’m not “late”, I’m just very creative with my interpretation of “time”.

Shared recently on Slack:

After I drink coffee, I show my empty cup to the IT guy and say that I have successfully installed Java. He hates me.

Shared recently on Discord:

The dildo of consequences rarely arrives lubed.

Just landed via Twitch:

At the grocery store, progressively booing louder as the clerk scans each item.

Trending via WeChat:

If you start a sentence with “Let me reiterate…”, I’m gonna ignore it the second time too.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Just waiting for my laundry to be done so I can pop it in the dryer and forget about it again.

Spotted on Reddit:

Hardest part of beekeeping is thinking of all the names.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I used an air fryer for the first time tonight, and I feel like I just discovered fire.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Sometimes I glance over at my boyfriend, and he’s just looking at Google Maps, scrolling around.

Taking my heart off my sleeve, I fold it up neatly and carefully place it back inside my chest.

At what point is a salad no longer a salad based on how much bacon I add?

I’d be a horrible stalker… I’m always late.

There is no bigger lie than “fun for the whole family”.

Lowkey terrifying when someone attractive is actually into you, omg.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨