Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"I mean, who can really rely on a flimsy little handle to safeguard a precious cargo like cake? 🎂🚫 Better tote that sweet treat with enough caution to make Fort Knox security jealous! 🔒😅 #HandleWithExtremeCare"

baking, box, cake, food, handle, hold, humor, i, just, never, transport, trust

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The title of my autobiography is going to be ‘You’d Think I’d Learn By Now, But Nope.’

0

2 months ago

autobiography, going, growth, humor, ID, irony, learn, learning, lessons, life, life lessons, mistakes, personal, personal growth, self-reflection, think, title, titles
I should be able to eat one huge meal a month, like a snake. This every-few-hours shit sucks.

0

2 weeks ago

able, complaint, eat, eating, food, huge, humor, hunger, i, meal, month, shit, should, snake, sucks
You can make a salad without lettuce if you want, there are no rules.

0

2 months ago

cooking, creativity, food, humor, kitchen, lettuce, rule-breaking, rules, salad, want
Might lay here until someone draws my chalk outline.

0

5 months ago

chalk, chalk outline, crime, crime scene, here, humor, joke, lay, laziness, outline, resting, sarcasm, scene, someone, waiting
It’s a fabulous time to be alive if you love: verification codes, verifying your email, yelling ‘REAL PERSON’ into a phone at a robot, reading nightmarish news all day, every day, hot.

0

5 months ago

alive, call, code, codes, day, email, email verification, every, fabulous, frustration, hot, humor, life, love, modern, modern life, news, nightmare, person, phone, phone call, reading, real, robot, time, verification, verification code, yelling
Don’t disrespect me and then be the moral compass on how I respond.

0

2 months ago

attitude, comeback, compass, disrespect, humor, i, me, moral, moral compass, respond, response

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

58 shares on WeChat this month:

Imagine hating me and I’m just here trying to push a door that says pull.

14 shares on Pinterest this month:

Meatloaf is a good safe word. It means I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that…

97 shares on Slack this month:

I didn’t just turn into a grouchy old woman overnight. It took years of people letting me down, pissing me off, and dealing with idiots to get this good at it.

80 shares on YouTube this month:

“What’s your blood type?” I don’t know, boiling!

76 shares on TikTok this month:

The woman that cleaned my house could make a lot of money by threatening to release the before and after photos.

93 shares on Threads this month:

If you love a friend, let them go. If they come back with coffee, it was meant to be.

64 shares on Snapchat this month:

I hate when people ask me: “Why are you so quiet?” Because I am. That’s how I function. I don’t ask others, “Why do you talk so much?” It’s rude.

17 shares on Instagram this month:

That awkward moment when someone keeps watching you while you are eating.

18 shares on TikTok this month:

Can I be speaker? I’m pretty good at saying a lot without saying anything at all.

10 shares on Reddit this month:

The problem is that younger me didn’t account for the fact that there’d be an older me.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

The crematorium is my last hope for a hot body.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

Never underestimate my desire at any given moment to go home.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

Please don’t match my crazy. One of us has to be rational here, and it’s definitely not going to be me.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

I’ve been locked out of Tinder because of “unusual activity”. I must’ve got a match.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

Finding a person to make eye contact with during stupid meetings is essential to survival in the workplace.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

Halloween is cool, but nothing is spookier than my previous choices in men.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

Within a week, we’ve had a major jewel heist, a mafia-involved poker ring, and sports gambling corruption. We’re living in the 1920s.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

Don’t worry, I’m only dead inside from the waist up.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

l identify as a Christmas tree. Lit on the outside, dead on the inside.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

I make sure to post my political opinions after my selfies have gone viral to cull the herd.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Messenger:

Relationship rule: If the woman has told something and the man doesn’t remember, the man hasn’t listened. If the man has told something and the woman doesn’t remember, the man has never told it.

Spotted on X:

I come from a long line of people with something wrong with them.

Shared recently on Slack:

Odd—my boss told me to meet him at the abandoned quarry at midnight for my performance evaluation.

Trending via YouTube:

I held the door for an old person today and he was like, “didn’t we go to high school together” and we did.

Making waves on Instagram:

Be the horrifying lore of your family’s lineage.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Old age is like a glorious, extended long weekend, but you always know Monday’s coming.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Whoever coined the term coined the term coined the term coined the term.

Breaking via Snapchat:

They should invent a small lifestyle change that has an instantaneous, huge payoff.

Live now on X:

Hiring a mortician to do my makeup while I sleep.

Trending via Reddit:

She said she liked animals but apparently all the fruit flies around my apartment was a “turn off”

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I will never trust a cake transport box enough to just hold it by the handle.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

The title of my autobiography is going to be ‘You’d Think I’d Learn By Now, But Nope.’

I should be able to eat one huge meal a month, like a snake. This every-few-hours shit sucks.

You can make a salad without lettuce if you want, there are no rules.

Might lay here until someone draws my chalk outline.

It’s a fabulous time to be alive if you love: verification codes, verifying your email, yelling ‘REAL PERSON’ into a phone at a robot, reading nightmarish news all day, every day, hot.

Don’t disrespect me and then be the moral compass on how I respond.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨