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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

Every time your mom tells you that she wants the best for you, she is talking about me.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

I never get as envious of parents as I do when their baby starts crying and they get to leave the event.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

Sorry I can’t come today. My sister’s friend’s mother’s grandpa’s brother’s grandson’s uncle’s fish died, and it was tragic.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

Partying hard on this Friday night, and by partying hard, I mean laying on my bed starfish-style.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

How many calories does an audible sigh burn? Because I don’t think my Apple Watch is giving me credit for them.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

If you compliment me, my glasses fog up.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

I went for an interview at IKEA. The manager greeted me by saying “come in, make a seat”.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

Remember: if nobody hates you, you’re not trying hard enough.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

Of course the laundry has to be done, but the wine doesn’t drink itself either.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

Since there is only one of me, does that make me limited edition?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,531

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on LinkedIn:

Sometimes I feel like I’m cheating on my recliner with my loveseat, in case you were wondering how emotionally invested I am in laziness.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Got possessed by a demon once, and everyone was like, “OMG, did you do something with your hair?”

Live now on YouTube:

I would like to see the USA go metric before I die, just so I can enjoy the outrage that would follow.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I’m blunt because the universe rolled me that way.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I usually start exploring the abyss around 7 p.m.

Going viral on Threads:

Silence is golden. But duct tape is silver.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Roses are red. Daisies are white. I’m in a grumpy mood. My underwear is too tight.

Shared recently on X:

Preparing for my beach vacation by watching Jaws.

Breaking via WeChat:

Remember when Mustangs were muscle cars and not an embarrassment to the name.

Just shared via Pinterest:

A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.

I wish I loved exercise as much as I love napping 3 times a day and eating 5 times the suggested serving size.

Humorous quote about loving naps and indulgent eating more than exercise.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"If only burning calories could be as effortless as consuming them 🍔💤 Maybe we should invent a workout routine that involves napping and overeating – then we'd all be fitness experts in no time! 💪😴🍕"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

89 shares on TikTok this month:

It must be hard having an erectile dysfunction.

79 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I may be sensitive, but everyone else could be a little kinder, too.

28 shares on Facebook this month:

Thanksgiving ain’t been the same ever since my uncle pulled that gun out on everybody.

86 shares on Threads this month:

British people be like “I was born in E-sex, grew up in Woke Ham, moved to Man Chest Hair, went to uni in Rotten Stall.”

82 shares on Instagram this month:

So rude to come up with solutions to my excuses.

60 shares on Facebook this month:

My skin has so much oil, I’m surprised countries aren’t fighting over who controls it.

78 shares on Pinterest this month:

Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.

86 shares on Instagram this month:

Puberty was a hair-raising experience.

78 shares on Slack this month:

I’m ready for the exciting last 30 seconds of the basketball game, which stretch into 25 minutes of fouls, time-outs, and commercials.

22 shares on YouTube this month:

I would just once like to feel as powerful as a toddler throwing their sippy cup whilst sitting atop their high chair.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Clubbing is a phase that you must go through and get over.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Milking stools only have three legs, because the cow has the udder.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

My greatest aspiration is to one day solve a murder on a train.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Why read the room when you can leave the room?

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Anyone know how to create an Outlook rule that sends every email to junk, deletes it, blocks the sender, and sets my laptop on fire?

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not lazy, I’m on power saving mode.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

If I’m ever mad at you, just talk to me in a sweeter and softer tone, and watch how quickly that anger disappears.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

The year flies by when you’re scrolling.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

My neighbors were up shouting all night. I could barely hear my bagpipes.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Vaginally speaking, he seems nice.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,529

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

After 30, an all-nighter is not getting up to pee.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

Most of Twitter could probably use a good bop on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

Breaking news: Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

Kids be like, I see you have a moment to yourself, and I must correct that immediately.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

My husband is looking for the remote control. I need everyone to stand up for a minute.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

Auto-correct and I are in a toxic relationship.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

Happy to report that “what time is it/time for you to get a watch” is still being used by the youths.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

Italy stands for I Truly Always Love You.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

My toxic trait is thinking I deserve a vacation… while still on vacation.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

Training a cat is very easy. After a few days, you do what she wants.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Bon Jovi must be at least 3/4 of the way there by now.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

People always ask me “Do you believe in God?” and I say of course it’s important to have self-belief.

Just landed via Instagram:

I’m the friend who shows up with a shovel and an alibi.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Being held for questioning sounds more romantic than it is.

Making waves on Discord:

I have read the room and decided to be illiterate.

Shared recently on Instagram:

The most disturbing thing about waking up at 4 a.m. is realizing some people do this on purpose so they can exercise.

Seen just now on WeChat:

“I’m going to get more sleep tonight” is always the first lie I tell myself in the morning.

Trending via Threads:

Are you ever so happy to be in bed, you wish you could be even more in bed than you already are?

Shared recently on TikTok:

When one door closes, lock it securely, along with all your other doors and windows, before any inspirational quotes get in.

Just landed via Reddit:

Patience and forbearance are those qualities you develop when there are too many witnesses.

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