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Commentary:
"If only burning calories could be as effortless as consuming them 🍔💤 Maybe we should invent a workout routine that involves napping and overeating – then we'd all be fitness experts in no time! 💪😴🍕"

day, eating, exercise, fitness, humor, i, laziness, love, napping, rest, serving, serving size, size, snack, times, wish

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Good news, I just decided I don’t care about anything anymore.

5 months ago
anything, apathy, attitude, care, decision, good, humor, i, indifference, just, news, sarcasm
Want to lose weight for the summer? Don’t worry, just check in your luggage at the airport. You’ll never see those pounds again.

1 month ago
again, airport, check, dieting, humor, just, lose, loss, luggage, never, pounds, summer, travel, want, weight, weight loss, worry
My wife bought new towels and they’re different colors, so I know the entire color scheme of my house is about to change.

1 month ago
change, color, color scheme, colors, different, house, humor, i, know, new, scheme, towels, wife
I love replying to people within seconds. Hello. I am here. Always.

1 month ago
always, always available, am, available, communication, digital, digital presence, hello, here, humor, i, instant, instant response, love, media, online, online communication, people, presence, quick, quick reply, reply, replying, response, seconds, social, social media, texting
I could be staring at my hand locking my front door, and I still won’t feel 100% sure my front door was locked.

4 weeks ago
anxiety, door, doubt, everyday, everyday life, feel, forgetfulness, front, front door, hand, humor, i, life, locked, locking, staring, still, sure
Being the forward-thinking person I am, I kept my winter fat through the summer.

1 month ago
am, being, fat, forward-thinking, humor, i, person, summer, weight, winter, winter fat

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

I used to think the cat was dumb for staring out the window, waiting for birds, but I’d probably stare too, if occasionally a pizza flew by.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

Remember when the FBI would threaten you at the beginning of every VHS tape? That was pretty cool.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

Fun fact: Did you know that removing junk food from your diet can help you lose up to 90% of your will to live?

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

Peer pressure has nothing on me; all my bad decisions are made single-handedly.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

Using a remote to type on a keyboard on the TV is truly one of the worst human experiences that we endure.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

Back to work at last! I couldn’t sleep for sheer anticipation.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

If insomnia were a sport, I’d have endorsement deals.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Pinterest:

Being naked with shoes on feels more naked than being totally naked.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

My dream car is a taco truck.

Spotted on Telegram:

Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you, but not in the one ahead.

Just landed via Threads:

Imagine if we had to worry about dinosaurs too, on top of everything else.

Trending via TikTok:

For introverts, the worst kind of head-on collision is running directly into the person we’re avoiding at the grocery store.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

“You look tired!” Bro, I want to stop existing.

Live now on LinkedIn:

I heard time is money, so I quit my job. Now I have lots of time!

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Activity Log ✨

I wish I loved exercise as much as I love napping 3 times a day and eating 5 times the suggested serving size.

Good news, I just decided I don’t care about anything anymore.

Want to lose weight for the summer? Don’t worry, just check in your luggage at the airport. You’ll never see those pounds again.

My wife bought new towels and they’re different colors, so I know the entire color scheme of my house is about to change.

I could be staring at my hand locking my front door, and I still won’t feel 100% sure my front door was locked.

Being the forward-thinking person I am, I kept my winter fat through the summer.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Google AI is awesome because it kills the planet and doesn’t work.

I’ve touched enough cacti to know they are sharp, but also not enough to stop touching cacti.

Update on my fitness journey: My wife just handed me a bag of apples at the market and said, “careful, it’s heavy.”

Hey, man, we’re worshiping a false god later. If you wanna pull up.

So far, no one has seriously tried to bribe me, which is a shame because I am extremely corrupt. Maybe I need a position with more power.

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Carrying a conversation counts as cardio.

Toddlers: the brutally honest roommates nobody asked for!

Might lay here until someone draws my chalk outline.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

They say we learn from our mistakes. That’s why I’m making as many as possible… I’ll be a genius soon.

Kitchen sex, because it might be your only chance of getting laid on an island this summer.

To quote Hamlet Act III, Scene III, Line 92 “No.”

The problem with believing that nothing matters except you, is that eventually everyone will just leave you alone to take extra special care of yourself.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Well, that’s not very in love with me of you.

I am at the age where I question throwing away a box because, “It’s a really nice box.”

Next on Tiny Houses: A family of 6 moves into a boat emoji.

I always tell my kids that it’s okay to make mistakes just as long as you learn how to blame them on other people.

Make sure you stock up on condoms, so you don’t produce any more idiots.

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I wish I loved exercise as much as I love napping 3 times a day and eating 5 times the suggested serving size.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Good news, I just decided I don’t care about anything anymore.

Want to lose weight for the summer? Don’t worry, just check in your luggage at the airport. You’ll never see those pounds again.

My wife bought new towels and they’re different colors, so I know the entire color scheme of my house is about to change.

I love replying to people within seconds. Hello. I am here. Always.

I could be staring at my hand locking my front door, and I still won’t feel 100% sure my front door was locked.

Being the forward-thinking person I am, I kept my winter fat through the summer.

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