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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

On the next episode of Hoarders, they visit my subconscious.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

My wife and I always eat dinner as fast as possible so we can have a popsicle.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

Welcome to your 50’s. Your doctor and pharmacist are both in your contacts now.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

Just cleaned out my junk drawer if anyone needs a CD to reinstall Windows 95.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

I can’t believe she picked her husband, her boyfriend and her other boyfriend over me.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

My unemployed neighbor with an unlimited firework budget would like to wish everyone a happy 9th of July.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

Toddlers will take your last nerve, deep fry it and eat it for breakfast.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

Interviewer: “What did you learn from your previous job?” Me: “That I need a new job.”

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

Engaging in deforestation (trimming my bush).

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

Forced to say “it’s okay” instead of throwing a chair at them.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,434

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WeChat:

Who develops the algorithm? I want to speak to the manager.

Spotted on X:

The hairdresser asking me what special plans I have for the day like this wasn’t it.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Does anyone know where I can get my shit together?

Live now on Discord:

Before they perfected the Q-tip, you have to wonder what kinds of horrific things went wrong with tips A-P.

Going viral on Facebook:

I didn’t really feel old until my doctor hit me with the “at your age…”

Just landed via X:

If I complain about being out of shape, I don’t actually want fitness tips and workouts to try. I just want to complain and remain out of shape. What is wrong with you people?

Seen just now on Pinterest:

It’s called the Summer Olympics so one of the events should be running in flip flops to catch the ice cream man.

Making waves on Facebook:

The awkward moment when someone’s zipper is down and you don’t know whether to tell them or not.

Shared recently on Reddit:

The problem with leading by example is that no one pays attention.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Trying to be cute today but my face isn’t cooperating.

If I had just one hour left to live, I’d spend it in Math class… it never ends.

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Commentary:
"If I had just one hour left to live, I'd spend it in Math class… because at least I'll feel like eternity passed in those 60 minutes! ⏳➕✖️ #MathForever"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

92 shares on LinkedIn this month:

To the knife wielding psycho who walked in on me in the shower; I’m sorry you had to see that.

92 shares on X this month:

Very disappointed to find out that the universal remote control I bought does not control the universe.

49 shares on Snapchat this month:

When I get the vibe from someone that fitting in is super important to them my first instinct is to bite them.

64 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Reverse cowgirl, so we can both address the elephant in the room.

91 shares on YouTube this month:

Eating cold ravioli counts as breakfast if you’re still wearing yesterday’s clothes.

67 shares on Threads this month:

If a woman watches a TV show alone, who answers all of her questions?

80 shares on X this month:

What have I done to deserve this? Oh yeah, right, I remember.

97 shares on TikTok this month:

What happened to the huge corporate Christmas parties you see in all the ’90s movies? Seems like that doesn’t exist at all anymore.

53 shares on TikTok this month:

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

41 shares on Slack this month:

It turns out, as you get older, you don’t actually figure anything out; you just don’t have any energy to care anymore.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

You should be able to google what someone said to you at the bar last night.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

If you breakdance you buy dance.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

For Valentine’s Day, I’m gift-wrapping a shirt my husband hasn’t worn in years. It’s the thought that counts—and technically, I thought of it twice.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I love spending my parents’ money, they must pay for bringing me into this world.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

If I were a mouse and I lived in Moscow, I would think, haha, I live in Mousecow!

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes I sneeze so loud and hard I think I’m a dad.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Starting my period on election day because I’m a true patriot who bleeds for this country.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

My husband accidentally locked himself out of the house, and I didn’t hear him knocking until I finished eating the rest of his cheesecake. So weird.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I think it’s sad that getting married is one of the only ways to guarantee somebody will be forced to make a speech about how great you are.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s called the Summer Olympics so one of the events should be running in flip flops to catch the ice cream man.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,479

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

What genius called it road rage and not locomotive?

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

My favorite 90s skill: Uninstalling my car stereo and hiding it in my glove box in under 15 seconds.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

Spotify Wrapped: February was your basketball watermelon loudspeaker phone call hip hop moment.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

How long do you actually have to wear a muscle shirt until you get muscles?

Someone from 🇨🇦 has shared:

Restaurant toilets are dangerous! So many of my dates have gone to use them and vanished.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

Tonight, the moon is staring at me.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

I’m about to start telling people, “As long as that makes sense to you,” when they say shit that doesn’t make sense to me.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

Autumn is when men run around like it’s summer and women like it’s winter.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

Having a car is crazy cause you gotta take it to the car doctor.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

It’s so rude how many of you have the audacity to be out peopling around whenever I go somewhere.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

My friends put their kid to bed and then made us ice cream sundaes, which is exactly what I assumed was happening when my parents put me to bed.

Spotted on Messenger:

Going to the gym for my health and wellbeing? No, I just wanna look good naked.

Breaking via Slack:

The holidays may be over by my work ethic is still out of the office.

Making waves on Threads:

It’s funny how drinking 8 cups of water a day seems impossible, but 7 beers and 5 shots in two hours go down like a fat kid on a seesaw.

Trending via X:

This body is a temple; I suicide bomb every day.

Just landed via Reddit:

The thing about being 50+ is that whenever an opportunity to pee is available – you’re wise to take it.

Live now on X:

The best part of having a failing memory is that you can wrap up presents for yourself, and when it comes time to open them, you are honestly surprised.

Live now on TikTok:

Can we skip to the rich part?

Just shared via Facebook:

Having children is like living in a frat house – nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.

Going bananas on WeChat:

A baby cow is called a calf because it’s half a cow. Half cow. Calf. No further questions.

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