Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

“Your call is very important to us. Please stay on the line until your call is no longer important to you.”

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

Please no more relationships that are supposed to be a lesson. I’m already quite the scholar.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror this morning, so I guess once again my personality will be doing all the work today.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has shared:

I’ve left my past behind me, so if I owe you money, sorry, I’ve left it behind me.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

The incontinent optimist sees the bladder as half empty.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

Tornadoes are the most relaxing things in the news.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

Women are like a fitted sheet. No matter what you do or how hard you try, they just never seem to cooperate.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

Please continue to leave me out of the loop.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

That’s kind of sexy of you to be a little weird.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

My favorite Slipknot member is the one who wears the mask.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

354 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,623

Funny Quotes Topics

17,675

Funny Quotes Images

15,623

Jan 12, 2026

3,392

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Reddit:

After all these years, Jude Law has finally noticed me and responded to my love letters. Something about staying 500 feet away. I’m getting it framed.

Trending via TikTok:

Explaining myself is too much work. Please just judge me.

Making waves on Discord:

Twitter is great because you can get good life advice from other emotionally unstable adults.

Seen just now on X:

I started calling the new guy at work “Grok” because he thinks he knows everything.

Going viral on Slack:

The thing about being 50+ is that whenever an opportunity to pee is available – you’re wise to take it.

Live now on Reddit:

I have more photos of food on my phone than I do of my children.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

The only thing faster than an escalator is an escasooner.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

For all those wondering, yes, I am retired. I was tired yesterday, and I am tired again today.

Going viral on WeChat:

Welcome to your senior years, where you get mad when they rearrange the grocery store.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

No crypto for me, thanks, at least not until I figure out how dollars work.

If you love a friend, let them go. If they come back with coffee, it was meant to be.

3 months ago

If you love a friend, let them go. If they come back with coffee, it was meant to be.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Remember, true friendship is fueled by caffeine just as much as companionship. ☕️ Letting them go only to return with a coffee is the ultimate test of loyalty and good taste! 😂 Who needs love letters when you can have a latte instead? 💌☕️"

back, coffee, companionship, friend, humor, let, love, loyalty, meant, meant to be, relationship

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I don’t have read receipts on my phone because why would I tell on myself like that?

2 months ago

communication, honesty, humor, i, myself, phone, read, read receipt, receipt, self, technology, tell
I think you are suffering from a lack of vitamin ME.

2 months ago

confidence, ego, humor, i, lack, me, playful, sarcasm, self-love, suffering, think, vitamin
I just need my friends to know I would do absolutely anything for them, except reply to their message.

1 month ago

absolutely, anything, communication, except, excuse, friends, friendship, honesty, humor, i, just, know, loyalty, message, need, procrastination, reply, texting
Ugh, he wants to go hiking as a first date, just like Hitler.

2 months ago

activity, awkward, awkward situation, context, date, first date, funny context, hiking, Hitler, just, outdoor, outdoor activity, situation, ugh
In retrospect, I guess “one drunken night of stupidity” isn’t the best response when a child asks you where babies come from.

4 months ago

awkward, awkward moment, baby, best, child, conversation, drunken, drunken night, family, family conversation, guess, honesty, humor, i, moment, night, parenting, response, retrospect, stupidity, where
The reason I don’t trust polls is because the people being polled are people who willingly answer the phone when an unknown number is calling them.

2 months ago

answer, being, calling, humor, i, number, people, phone, polls, reason, skepticism, trust, unknown, unknown number

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

36 shares on TikTok this month:

I love being single because how could I explain a 2 p.m. – 5 p.m. nap on a Saturday.

12 shares on Facebook this month:

I wear a lot of clothes for someone who hates doing laundry.

62 shares on Snapchat this month:

If life could stop teaching me lessons, that would be great.

100 shares on Snapchat this month:

I would go out more if there weren’t any humans out there.

11 shares on X this month:

Canceled a date for a date with another guy, and that guy canceled. It’s what I deserve.

21 shares on Snapchat this month:

At my next job, I’m gonna lie about having a kid so I can leave the office anytime I want like everyone else with children.

65 shares on Pinterest this month:

Not going is the new leaving early.

56 shares on Threads this month:

My real introduction to classical music came from watching Tom & Jerry cartoons as a kid. Also how I got into sadism.

30 shares on WeChat this month:

Life is like a box of chocolates. More expensive than I was expecting.

49 shares on Pinterest this month:

At my funeral, sit me up so I can see who’s talking to my man.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

24 folks are currently checking 👀

At least life has music.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s curious how kids are always really hungry right before dinner and right after dinner, but never during actual dinner.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Microdosing Christmas by being present.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I always thought orthopaedic shoes were overrated, but I stand corrected.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Happy Earth Day. You don’t look a day over 4 billion years and get hotter every year.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

A pie where there isn’t pastry on the bottom isn’t a pie. It’s soup with a hat.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Just imagine how great life would be if pizza made you skinny.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t have any generational wealth but I did inherit a great spaghetti sauce recipe.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Having a blocked nose really makes you appreciate the finer things in life, like breathing normally.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

The meeting of the Anonymous Pessimists was canceled. It wouldn’t have helped anyway.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

354 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,623

Funny Quotes Topics

17,675

Funny Quotes Images

15,623

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,716

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

“Is this a joke to you?” Unfortunately, everything is a little bit of a joke to me.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

Don’t worry. Artificial intelligence will never replace actual ignorance.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

Sorry, I wasn’t really listening but that’s awesome, unless it isn’t of course.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

Reading a book and coming across a character’s name that you don’t know how to pronounce, so for the rest of the book, every time you see it, your brain just goes ‘skdjfkskakfk.’

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

Every night at bedtime I do one small ritual: six hours on my cell phone.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

If a door closes, I’m just going to open it again.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

Yeah, I have a drinking problem. It’s called dehydration.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

I don’t always leave the house, but when I do, I shouldn’t.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

I hate when cashiers feel the need to check if my money is real. If I could make counterfeit money, I wouldn’t be at the Dollar Tree, Karen.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

“Autophagy” would be a beautiful name for a girl.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on TikTok:

Well, at least my cat is supportive of me doing less and laying around more.

Breaking via Snapchat:

I hate it when I imagine how a conversation will go and then in the actual conversation the person goes off script. That’s not your line, man.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Some people call me crazy. I prefer the term happy with a twist.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Is ChatGPT down for anyone else? I’m a cardiac surgeon in the middle of heart surgery.

Trending via LinkedIn:

If it’s a ghost ship, why does it have to be on water?

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I travel like I’m rich, then eat like I’m broke.

Just shared via Threads:

“There are lots of benefits to working here. We have fun social events and activities after work!” And what are the benefits?

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

I wear black because it’s slimming. Exercise is also slimming, but like I said, I wear black.

Making waves on Telegram:

Super excited for a brand new week of hoping for the best, but expecting the worst.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Addicted to eating one gigantic meal a day like a reptile.

© 2026. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴