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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

I can’t wait to see my older sister so she can point out I have more gray hair than she does.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has shared:

Cute how I complain that my kids are spoiled when I’m the one who spoils them.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

I put the dance in “Good riddance!”

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

No one talks about the resentment you have towards yourself after you didn’t listen to your gut.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

If small talk burned calories, maybe I’d consider it.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

Giving people access to the internet was a massive mistake.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

I feel sorry for dogs. They learnt to fetch newspapers, but newspapers are dying. Killed by an internet driven by cats.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

Can somebody explain to me why it’s bad if immigrants take our jobs, but it’s good if AI does?

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

If someone else makes you a sandwich, it’s always better than if you do it yourself. It’s the same with sex.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

You can never really “own” earbuds. You just have to appreciate the time you had together.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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3,765

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Facebook:

I need you to think about me 23/7. You get 1 hour a day for yourself.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Being a dog must be wild, everyone you meet is your masseuse.

Spotted on Instagram:

It’s a good thing Titanic is only a movie. A lot of people would’ve died.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

That moment when you cut into a seedless watermelon and find out it’s only allegedly seedless.

Making waves on Messenger:

Brainwashing is always considered terrible and horrible. But there are many brains that would benefit from a wash.

Broadcasted on Threads:

You never know how strong you are until someone’s story runs more than 5 minutes long.

Going viral on Discord:

Bloopers in movie credits is a lost art form.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

If you knock down a policeman, they’ll get backup.

Freshly posted on X:

When I worked as a restaurant critic, I wrote under a nom nom nom de plume.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Have you ever apologized to your car after you hit a pothole?

I’m not going to die because of an accident. Nor because of an illness. But from small talk. Someone will say one boring sentence too many and I’ll drop dead.

1 month ago

Witty quote about avoiding small talk’s deadly boredom, playful and humorous in tone.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Watch out for those lethal small talk conversations! 💬😵 Stay safe out there, folks – one boring sentence could be your downfall 💀😂"

accident, boredom, boring, conversation, dead, death, die, drop, going, humor, illness, say, sentence, small, small talk, someone, talk, too

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

95 shares on Facebook this month:

Jane Austen gave us men who crossed fields in the rain. Mine left me on read, and liked someone else’s story.

92 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Solitude never hits you with unsolicited opinions.

34 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Just drafted the drunk text I’m going to send after one drink this weekend.

72 shares on Messenger this month:

All my passwords are protected, by my poor memory.

65 shares on Twitch this month:

My sex life is so dead, it has its own tombstone.

14 shares on LinkedIn this month:

A coffee the size of Manhattan please.

36 shares on Facebook this month:

Applying for jobs feels like auditioning to be enthusiastic about a blind date you haven’t even met yet.

25 shares on YouTube this month:

The one thing I’ve never had in my car’s glove box is a pair of gloves.

59 shares on Twitch this month:

I don’t go crazy. I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time.

80 shares on TikTok this month:

I see no action figures, puzzles, or board games. I thought you said you wanted to play with me.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

Neurodivergents will be like, ‘I’m so tired,’ and then refuse to sleep because they haven’t had enough me time after surviving the day.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

No one lies more than a parent who says, “We’ll see.” You know we’re not seeing anything.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

Thinking about ignoring daily mess by creating new holiday decor mess.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has viewed:

I’m not moody; I’m just on shuffle.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

Due to personal reasons, I will be screaming into a pillow.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

Jesus invited prostitutes to dinner and was praised for compassion. I do it, and suddenly I ‘made Christmas awkward.’

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

Nothing flies faster than the ketchup out of the bottle when you only want a little.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

As an academic, I sometimes dream about writing fiction instead, and then I remember grant proposals.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

January is the Monday of the year.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

Nothing brings neighbors together like a few cops cars in front of another neighbor’s house that no one likes.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on TikTok:

Did you ever buy a pack of underwear, take them out, and think, wow, these are huge… then try them on, and they fit perfectly?

Just shared via X:

Jurassic Park came out decades ago, and now I feel like a fossil.

Going bananas on Reddit:

Might mess around and reply to all work emails with “make me”.

Trending via Discord:

At least men and women can agree on one thing: it feels amazing to take a bra off.

Shared recently on Twitch:

None of the Instagram story fonts represent me.

Making waves on Twitch:

Sorry, I can’t come over tonight. I’ve become too invested in these fictional characters and whether or not they will kiss.

Making waves on Slack:

“Can you multitask?” Yes, actually I am losing my mind and chilling at the same time.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Nothing makes me more stabby than when my husband ignores me and starts talking to the dog.

Shared recently on X:

Mrs. Doubtfire is my favorite movie about violating a custody agreement.

Making waves on Threads:

Referring to my boss’s wife as my boss-in-law.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m not going to die because of an accident. Nor because of an illness. But from small talk. Someone will say one boring sentence too many and I’ll drop dead.

Going out to eat and shopping by yourself is actually one of the most peaceful and therapeutic things ever.

Money will not leave you on read for 9 hours.

My kids want to know what’s for dinner, like they’re going to be happy with the answer.

All these laws are really getting in the way of my driving.

I smoke weed for my mental health and your personal safety.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m not going to die because of an accident. Nor because of an illness. But from small talk. Someone will say one boring sentence too many and I’ll drop dead.

Keep the laugh going 😂

The modern condition is mostly trying to do things on your own that people have historically achieved with a large support network, and wondering why you’re tired all the time.

Going out to eat and shopping by yourself is actually one of the most peaceful and therapeutic things ever.

Money will not leave you on read for 9 hours.

My kids want to know what’s for dinner, like they’re going to be happy with the answer.

All these laws are really getting in the way of my driving.

I smoke weed for my mental health and your personal safety.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨