Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
Ah, the classic bedtime routine of checking the news and losing all hope before hitting the hay. 🌍😴 Keep calm and carry on…if you can manage to sleep after scrolling through the chaos! 💤😅

before, happening, horrible, horrible things, humor, i, irony, peaceful, sarcasm, sleep, things, tired, today, try, world

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’ve never been married, but I tell people I’m divorced so they won’t think something is wrong with me.

0

2 months ago

divorce, humor, i, marriage, married, me, never, people, pressure, relationship, self-perception, single, social, social pressure, something, tell, think, wrong
As a man, it’s my job to mistake kindness for flirting.

0

2 months ago

flirting, gender, gender stereotype, humor, job, kindness, man, mistake, misunderstanding, stereotype
Hey girl, are you a burger? Because I love you.

1

1 month ago

burger, flirting, girl, humor, i, joke, line, love, pickup, pickup line
My best friend is married and buying a house. I ate popcorn for dinner.

0

2 months ago

adulthood, best, buying, dinner, friend, house, humor, i, lifestyle, marriage, married, popcorn, priorities
Sometimes it feels better not to talk. At all. About anything. To anyone.

0

5 months ago

anyone, anything, better, communication, feelings, feels, interaction, introversion, mood, quiet, silence, social, social interaction, solitude, sometimes, talk, talking
My favorite part of The Godfather is when the guy wakes up and screams because the Mafia has stolen the bottom half of the horse he keeps in his bed.

0

2 months ago

absurdity, bed, bottom, favorite, Godfather, guy, half, horse, humor, mafia, movie, movie scene, scene, scream, screams, stolen

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

64 shares on WhatsApp this month:

You gotta separate the art from the artist. Like, for example, sometimes the artist is really nice but their art sucks.

10 shares on WeChat this month:

I love to sleep, I wish I could get paid to sleep.

42 shares on Telegram this month:

We all know that mirrors don’t lie. I’m just very grateful that they don’t laugh.

18 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If you’re the type of person who likes to be left alone, I’m with you. Better yet, I’m not with you.

45 shares on Threads this month:

This family has a lot of nerve wearing all these clothes after I just did laundry.

48 shares on Instagram this month:

Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.

93 shares on YouTube this month:

If I shook my head at every stupid thing I saw, I’d have permanent whiplash.

76 shares on Messenger this month:

Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

22 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Let’s lay on the couch together, play on our phones, and ignore each other, babe.

21 shares on Twitch this month:

Rewatching Avengers: Age of Ultron. Despite the title, they never tell you how old Ultron is.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

“Unc” is short for “unclear.” It’s unclear what it means. “Uncle” is short for “unclear” as well.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

Oh, Amazon, no. Please do not tell me how many packages I had delivered this year; that is none of my business.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

Long-term relationship? Like Tom and Jerry?

Someone from 🇸🇱 has downloaded:

The only narcissist I allow in my life is my cat.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

People call me a “Trekkie,” but I’m not. I’ve only seen Star Wars a couple of times.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

Making things weird is probably the only thing I’m good at.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

Dear autocorrect, that’s not what I was trying to say. I’m getting tired of your shirt.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

When the blood pressure machine comes out for one person, the whole family has to get involved.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

Girls be like, “Baby, I have a great idea,” and it’s a trip you have to pay for.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

Are oranges called oranges because they are orange, or is the color orange called orange because an orange is orange?

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Are you gonna confess your undying love for me or what, bro?

Going viral on Discord:

There’s poetry in walking away without closing the door too loud.

Trending via Telegram:

Forget cheating, that’s young people’s shit. I’m ready to get married and have an affair.

Just shared via X:

Reverse cowgirl so I can bend backward and look at him like the Exorcist.

Trending via Discord:

So a baby crawls across the floor to it’s bottle and it’s cute but when I do it Im in need of an intervention?

Just landed via TikTok:

Are you there, bathroom walls, ceiling, floor, mirror, sink, and towels? It’s me, the kids toothpaste.

Going viral on X:

Rapunzel, let down your CVS receipt!

Broadcasted on TikTok:

What must a pancake think when it’s being flipped? Doubtless something jolly.

Seen just now on Threads:

I either text back right away or never, because I saw your text, replied in my head but forgot to actually type it.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

If anyone needs me, I’ll be in this whirlpool of emotions over there.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m so tired. Let’s see all of the horrible things happening in the world today before I try to sleep peacefully.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I’ve never been married, but I tell people I’m divorced so they won’t think something is wrong with me.

As a man, it’s my job to mistake kindness for flirting.

Hey girl, are you a burger? Because I love you.

My best friend is married and buying a house. I ate popcorn for dinner.

Sometimes it feels better not to talk. At all. About anything. To anyone.

My favorite part of The Godfather is when the guy wakes up and screams because the Mafia has stolen the bottom half of the horse he keeps in his bed.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨