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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

“Doing the dishes” is completely pointless and only wastes water. You’re just going to put food on them again in a few hours.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

Best friends: they know how crazy you are but still choose to be seen in public with you.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

Adulting is when you realize that all you need is a home, stable income and a peaceful partner.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

Still can’t believe we have a federal holiday to celebrate the 1996 hit movie Independence Day.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

Boobs always win. That’s why we don’t play rock, paper, boobs.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

My only knowledge of animals is that turtles like pizza and cats like lasagna.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

For years I thought an oncologist was just the doctor they kept on-call at all times.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

If oats can be milk, you can be whatever you want.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

Dear 8 hours of sleep, I miss you so much.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

My teen is asking for noise-cancelling headphones like I’m going to give him the gift of ignoring me better.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,326

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

Perhaps moths don’t seek the light, but are simply fleeing the darkness.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Somewhere, a therapist you never met knows about you.

Just landed via YouTube:

Tattoo idea for men: spider webs in the corners of the receding hairline.

Just landed via TikTok:

My parents still haven’t apologized for making me ugly.

Going viral on Facebook:

I told my suitcase we wouldn’t be going on vacation this year; now it’s dead inside and I’m left with emotional baggage.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Currently helping my husband look for his $20 I spent yesterday.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I hate how l am a “I have an appointment at 4pm so I can’t do anything all day” type of person.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I make her eyes roll back. Not in bed though. I’m just annoying.

Shared recently on Reddit:

The only thing you can count on with some people is that you can’t count on them.

Live now on Discord:

If anything I post makes you mad, just know that it pleases me.

Just found out about confirmation bias, and now every article I read totally proves I was right to be worried about it.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"After reading up on confirmation bias, I've realized I'm absolutely biased about how biased I am! 🤔😂 #MindBlown #TotallyConfirmed"

article, bias, cognitive, cognitive bias, confirmation, confirmation bias, every, found, humor, i, irony, just, pattern, prophecy, psychology, read, right, self-fulfilling, self-fulfilling prophecy, skepticism, thinking, thinking pattern

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Hate when I view someone’s story, and it’s their birthday.

0

5 months ago

awkward, birthday, hate, i, media, notification, social, social media, story, view
I smile at all animals, just not the human ones.

0

2 weeks ago

animal, animals, human, humor, i, just, ones, sarcasm, smile
Going to work has backfired on me so many times.

0

2 months ago

backfire, daily, daily grind, going, grind, humor, irony, job, me, struggle, times, work
Don’t tell me that everything was better in the past. I was there.

0

2 months ago

better, everything, experience, humor, i, me, memory, nostalgia, past, perspective, tell, truth
Forget pheromones, barbecue smells are always attractive.

0

2 months ago

always, attractive, barbecue, cooking, dating, food, forget, humor, pheromones, scent, smells
Responding to any and all emails with ‘wow ok’

0

2 months ago

communication, email, emails, humor, ok, procrastination, reaction, response, sarcasm, work

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

42 shares on TikTok this month:

If an alien is 60 million light years away and is watching us through a telescope, it will see dinosaurs.

35 shares on Instagram this month:

I wish I could be as excited about being awake as my dog is about me being awake.

100 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m homeless. Minus the ‘m’.

21 shares on Slack this month:

The sweater is an item of clothing that a child has to wear when parents are cold.

85 shares on Threads this month:

Relationship status: my last pickpocket had really gentle hands.

53 shares on Snapchat this month:

Men are very good at being women lately.

90 shares on Telegram this month:

Need someone to feed me Doritos while I read, so I don’t mess up the pages. No weirdos.

43 shares on TikTok this month:

Due to inflation, alien abduction no longer comes with free probes. Humans are required to bring their own probes or may purchase a probe on board the spacecraft for a moderate fee.

95 shares on Messenger this month:

Julia Garner most confusing name because it calls to mind both Julia Roberts and Jennifer Garner, but she is neither.

62 shares on Snapchat this month:

The ideal man is always thinking of several cool things at once (throwing a football really far, a truck with big wheels, giving a lot of high fives).

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

Who needs therapy when you can just cry in a fast-food parking lot.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

Gravity, at all times, is trying to pull your pants down.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

If my son ever came out as gay, I’d be so furious. Furious that he never gave me fashion advice.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

Can’t. Too busy saving daylight.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

At the end of the day, it’s the friend that doesn’t take your ghosting phases personally.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

Amazon cart: Order now and it will arrive today. Amazon confirmation email: LOL, just kidding, it’ll be a week from tomorrow.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

Maybe if we sit extremely still, Monday won’t be able to see us.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

Christmas bonus so small you have to call your bank and ask “is it in yet?”

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

Me in hell: “So did it hurt when you fell from heaven.” Lucifer: “Get out!”

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

Uber Eats “you forgot to finish your order” notification is funny because I didn’t forget, I just came to my senses.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Just a reminder that with Die Hard, Robin Hood and Love Actually, ‘Alan Rickman ruins Christmas’ is a whole movie subgenre.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Almost all of my bad decisions are food-related.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Accept the truth that a clean kitchen and finished laundry are just myths. Embrace the chaos and find your inner calm.

Just landed via Messenger:

Half the world is mentally ill. The other half is to blame.

Trending via Reddit:

I love when I clean my whole apartment just to sit in it like a Victorian widow waiting for bad news.

Spotted on YouTube:

Today, I used a wire I’ve kept in my box of cables since 2011. Please applaud.

Shared recently on Reddit:

To everyone I’ve wronged this year. Next year same time, same place.

Spotted on Reddit:

I wonder if this next thunderstorm is thinking of me, too.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

How silly of me to forget that I am the love of my life.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Why do moths eat sweaters? Have they tried sandwiches or avocados?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Just found out about confirmation bias, and now every article I read totally proves I was right to be worried about it.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Hate when I view someone’s story, and it’s their birthday.

I smile at all animals, just not the human ones.

Going to work has backfired on me so many times.

Don’t tell me that everything was better in the past. I was there.

Forget pheromones, barbecue smells are always attractive.

Responding to any and all emails with ‘wow ok’

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨