Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

I love my cat so much, but how the hell are you that small and take up an entire queen-size mattress?

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

The leading cause for injury in old men is them thinking they are still young men.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

I’ve already broken all my resolutions and like four commandments.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

I’m gonna get my vasectomy done at Home Depot like a real man.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

Everyone is getting idioter.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

And for my next trick, I’m going to miss you in a million unspoken ways.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

Why talk to bots when my plants listen just fine?

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

Job applications are so stupid. “What’s your desired salary?” Ten billion dollars. Next question.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

Just learned in psychology that when a man goes to sleep first, it’s because he’s comfortable around you and wants you to go through his phone.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,402

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Facebook:

Establish dominance by eating a salad in front of your indoor plants.

Freshly posted on Threads:

My phone just filmed a 2 hour documentary about life inside my purse.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Why hasn’t Lululemon created a bra-line named Lulumelons?

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

I hate Valentine’s Day but I do enjoy infant archery.

Spotted on X:

Grant me the serenity to supernaturally change the things I cannot accept.

Just shared via WeChat:

Life is what happens in between trips to the fridge.

Going bananas on Instagram:

Before we all die from nuclear war or a global climate crisis, can we get a little alien invasion as a treat.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Some people are so fake, their lock screens don’t recognize them.

Just landed via X:

Petition to make check-in at hotels 11am and check-out 3pm, not the other way around. Like, WTF?

Seen just now on Threads:

I love surprising my girl, today she woke up single.

Just found out about confirmation bias, and now every article I read totally proves I was right to be worried about it.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"After reading up on confirmation bias, I've realized I'm absolutely biased about how biased I am! 🤔😂 #MindBlown #TotallyConfirmed"

article, bias, cognitive, cognitive bias, confirmation, confirmation bias, every, found, humor, i, irony, just, pattern, prophecy, psychology, read, right, self-fulfilling, self-fulfilling prophecy, skepticism, thinking, thinking pattern

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Roses are red, violets are blue, sunflowers are yellow. I bet you were expecting something romantic, but no, this is just gardening facts.

0

2 months ago

expectation, flowers, gardening, humor, i, just, nature, poetry, red, romance, romantic, roses, roses are red, something, surprise
Taking the day off to brush up on conspiracy theories and really get this Thanksgiving party started.

0

2 months ago

activity, conspiracy, conspiracy theory, day, day off, fun, fun activity, humor, party, relaxation, Thanksgiving, theory
It’s obvious now that democracy is a busted flush and that in future politicians should be selected via several rigorous rounds of Taskmaster.

0

2 months ago

competition, democracy, entertainment, flush, future, governance, humor, obvious, politicians, satire, selection, should, Taskmaster
Always tell people different stories about yourself, so when they talk about you, they’ll argue.

0

2 months ago

always, argue, different, humor, people, self, story, talk, tell, yourself
Have you ever been so hungry but had no food in the house, so you took a nap instead?

0

2 months ago

ever, food, funny situation, house, humor, hunger, hungry, nap, procrastination, relatable, situation, tiredness
At bedtime, I ceremonially move the claw clip from my hair to the bag of chips, signifying the end of the day.

0

2 months ago

bag, bag of chips, bedtime, chips, claw, claw clip, clip, daily, daily routine, day, end, end of day, hair, humor, i, move, ritual, routine, snack, snack time, time

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

33 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My husband thinks he can just order me around like he’s one of the cats.

72 shares on Instagram this month:

If you’re going to give me some food for thought, it had better be a pizza, or I’m out.

92 shares on YouTube this month:

Holiday dinners with family are like real life boss levels with the worst loot.

72 shares on WeChat this month:

No more bare minimum, I want the moon and the stars. Maybe even a planet at this point.

83 shares on X this month:

Blocking people isn’t enough. I need their favorite TV show to get cancelled.

73 shares on Threads this month:

I already know how it will end. One of my children will unplug my life support to charge their phone.

53 shares on Snapchat this month:

That very depressing moment when you find out the fire alarm that went off at work was just a test.

60 shares on X this month:

Exorcist came by. Says house isn’t possessed, just incredibly poorly built.

21 shares on X this month:

Welcome to Twitter, where everyone is an expert on everything.

13 shares on Messenger this month:

I don’t understand my wardrobe. It’s full, but I don’t have clothes.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

I used to question authority, but now I question everything.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

Nudes are played out. Send me a video of you reading out loud so I know you’re not dumb.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

It’s amazing how much I accomplish around the house right before someone is coming over.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

Coffee should just be free for anybody over 30.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

If liars’ pants really did catch on fire, watching the news would be a lot more fun.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

No, he didn’t ghost you, you just left him speechless, forever.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

My only addiction is coffee, which is just like crack but is legal and tastes good.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

I don’t rise and shine. I caffeinate and hope.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

Betrayal only comes from someone we’re close to. Just like herpes.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

Fifteen years ago, makeup was all powders and dusts. But now, it’s all goo and liquid. From this, I can infer that by 2040, it will all be made of pigmented gases.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Snapchat:

If A-B-C-D didn’t take their sweet time in the alphabet song, LMNOP wouldn’t have to sprint every time.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

My wife almost fell down the stairs today and that got us into a heated argument whether my gasp was out of concern or excitement.

Going viral on Pinterest:

The devil couldn’t reach me so he made sure my love life was bullshit.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Took a break from Twitter for my mental health, so I’d figure I’d come back to ruin it again.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Let the good times roll. Let the bad times crawl. Let the acceptable times do the hopscotch.

Just landed via Reddit:

If, I, want to, put, a comma, there, then, I will put, the comma, there.

Trending via Instagram:

Too many losers and not enough people telling them they’re losers.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

When I tell a joke that doesn’t land, I follow up with a worse one to make my audience realize how good they had it with the first joke.

Making waves on Messenger:

When you are in your 20s, there is going to be an urge to binge The Sopranos. it is very important that you press play.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Anyone know how to get an air guitar out of a vacuum?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Just found out about confirmation bias, and now every article I read totally proves I was right to be worried about it.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Roses are red, violets are blue, sunflowers are yellow. I bet you were expecting something romantic, but no, this is just gardening facts.

Taking the day off to brush up on conspiracy theories and really get this Thanksgiving party started.

It’s obvious now that democracy is a busted flush and that in future politicians should be selected via several rigorous rounds of Taskmaster.

Always tell people different stories about yourself, so when they talk about you, they’ll argue.

Have you ever been so hungry but had no food in the house, so you took a nap instead?

At bedtime, I ceremonially move the claw clip from my hair to the bag of chips, signifying the end of the day.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨