Love Island is fun, but when is Job Island on?

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Ah coffee. The sweet balm by which we shall accomplish today’s tasks.

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Before the internet, people thought that there was only one idiot per town. We were so wrong.

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I do not like FaceTime unless we’re best friends or I’m in love with you.

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The goose: Canada’s most violent saxophone.

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You know you’re getting old when you clean the house to the music you used to go out to.

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“Are you free tomorrow?” No, tomorrow I’m still expensive.

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You think you’re your own worst critic? Just wait till you have kids.

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Lois Lane said, “Clark?” like she didn’t just make out with that same jawline in spandex twelve hours ago.

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Watching someone else control the computer and doing it differently than you would, is one of life’s greatest challenges.

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First rule for the new year is to not dwell on what went wrong this year.