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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

I don’t hold grudges. I just remember facts very aggressively.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

I identify as Michael Jackson, so my pronouns are “he/hee.”

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

Sorry I left you on read, I didn’t mean to open it just yet.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

As I’m moonwalking away, they didn’t even notice I had stolen a brownie.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

What age do you learn to cook pasta for one and not for a whole village? Asking for a friend.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

Shit posting is cheaper than therapy.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

When I’m president, everyone who listens to techno, house or rap will be allowed to drive a little faster than others.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

“It’s the most wonderful crime of the year!” I crooned running away with the pot of Santa’s donations.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

Awkward is the new sexy. At least that’s what I’m telling myself, so I don’t cry in front of strangers.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

You don’t scare me, you’re not my ID photo.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,440

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via YouTube:

They say the best things take time. That’s why I’m always late.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Am I just getting old or are people getting more annoying?

Live now on Twitch:

I feel like my greatest accomplishment today has been not saying what I’m thinking out loud.

Going viral on TikTok:

Girls be like, “I hate this man,” then have sex with him.

Live now on Facebook:

“Kiss From a Rose” makes you think Batman Forever is the most romantic movie ever made.

Just landed via Telegram:

There are two types of people: Those who steal food off your plate and those who you keep in your life.

Just landed via Pinterest:

I always like to remember the time before the internet. It was so good not to know how cruel and stupid humanity really is.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

An escape room, but it’s just your thoughts. Good luck.

Live now on Twitch:

Liking someone who likes you back is probably really good for your mental health.

Seen just now on X:

Please take your Apple Watch off if you are wearing a dress or formal attire. You look like a spy kid.

Mentally, I’m in a forest screaming. Physically, I’m answering emails with a fake smile and clenched jaw.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Balancing my inner Tarzan with my outer office zombie life! 🤪🦍📧

answering, email, emails, fake, forest, frustration, jaw, mental, mental state, mentally, physically, screaming, smile, state, stress, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

A web developer and an SEO expert walk into a bar, bars, nightclub, pubs, tavern, beer, alcohol, drinks, alcoholic beverages, bars in my area, places to drink.

0

2 months ago

alcohol, area, bar, beer, developer, drink, drinking, drinks, expert, humor, nightclub, nightlife, place, place to drink, places, pub, seo, SEO expert, tavern, walk, web, web developer
My kids asked me what games I used to play on my iPad as a kid. I told them I used to speak into a fan to sound like a robot.

0

5 months ago

asked, childhood, fan, game, games, humor, i, iPad, joke, kid, kids, me, play, question, robot, sound, speak, speech, technology, told, used
I remember when I was broke… I’m still broke, that’s why I remember so well.

0

2 months ago

broke, financial, financial struggle, humor, i, joke, memory, money, remember, self-deprecating, self-deprecating humor, still, struggle, well, why
Don’t forget to look directly into the sun for at least 10 minutes per day because that’s where all the vitamins are.

0

2 months ago

advice, day, forget, health, humor, irony, least, minutes, sarcasm, sun, vitamins, where
I wonder if that football guy will be at the Taylor Swift game again today.

0

2 months ago

again, celebrity, football, game, guy, humor, i, sports, swift, taylor, Taylor Swift, today, wonder
The days will soon be shorter again. Then it won’t rain for so long.

0

2 months ago

again, change, days, humor, rain, seasons, shorter, soon, time, weather

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

54 shares on Reddit this month:

I got my superpowers when I was bitten by a radioactive idiot.

17 shares on TikTok this month:

Picking up women at the bar and then gently setting them down.

89 shares on Pinterest this month:

Whoever said, “Laughter is the best medicine,” clearly never tried Revenge.

19 shares on Telegram this month:

Relationships are only serious when photos are posted by a man.

83 shares on X this month:

Need a professional way to say, “I do not care, don’t mention this to me again.”

93 shares on WeChat this month:

Humans are the only species that would cut down trees, make paper out of them, and then write “Save the Trees” on it.

78 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Desperately seeking my soul, mate.

17 shares on Snapchat this month:

At the self-checkout, I make small talk with myself and I wish I would just shut up.

83 shares on Reddit this month:

I like to swear a lot so that people will keep their kids away from me.

73 shares on Messenger this month:

Farting, but with eye contact.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

Went to the grocery store hungry. I didn’t need to pay rent this month anyway.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has downloaded:

Shy with a mean resting face is a crazy combo.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

“Baby on board” Okay, well, can you tell him to drive faster?

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

Prime Video will find the movie you were looking for and then say, “Oops, you gotta pay for it.”

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

A Bug’s Life” (1998) radicalized me.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

If you’ve never had a cheeseburger change your mood, you’ve never had a cheeseburger.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

Going to bed early is easy, going to sleep early is a whole other set of problems.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

Due to rising prices, Dollar Tree is changing their name to ‘Tree Fiddy’.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

I do block people right away; you’re not going to stress me out on my own phone, with my own internet, and in my own house.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

After 25, you’re pretty much 30.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Reddit:

One downside of marrying a doctor is you have to give up eating apples.

Shared recently on X:

It’s a good thing Titanic is only a movie. A lot of people would’ve died.

Breaking via Snapchat:

A hammock is a terrible place to receive bad news.

Shared recently on Threads:

Please have a seat and witness my self-destruction firsthand.

Just landed via Reddit:

I don’t need therapy, I need a bagel with cream cheese.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Not looking for a sugar daddy, but something more of a pay pal.

Just shared via Threads:

My muffin top has become a full blown birthday cake.

Shared recently on Facebook:

No, I’m not stressed. I just constantly grind my teeth and clench my jaw for fun.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Every girl has a dude in her inbox talking to himself.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I’m so lazy, I let my battles pick me.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Mentally, I’m in a forest screaming. Physically, I’m answering emails with a fake smile and clenched jaw.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

A web developer and an SEO expert walk into a bar, bars, nightclub, pubs, tavern, beer, alcohol, drinks, alcoholic beverages, bars in my area, places to drink.

My kids asked me what games I used to play on my iPad as a kid. I told them I used to speak into a fan to sound like a robot.

I remember when I was broke… I’m still broke, that’s why I remember so well.

Don’t forget to look directly into the sun for at least 10 minutes per day because that’s where all the vitamins are.

I wonder if that football guy will be at the Taylor Swift game again today.

The days will soon be shorter again. Then it won’t rain for so long.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨