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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

Probably the most empowered I’ve ever felt was that time I stuck a fork in a socket.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

Don’t hate me because I can fall asleep within seconds; hate me because I can sleep through the night without having to get up to go to the bathroom.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

I haven’t cleaned my shower in so long, it’s becoming a terrarium. Absolutely gorgeous.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

No, I can’t tonight. I already have plans to look at my phone somewhere else.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

Let’s play a game called you bring me food and I eat it.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

I’m officially at the age where I hate unnecessary noises and useless friends.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

I can’t believe I was arrested for impersonating a politician. I was just sitting there doing nothing.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

Anyone else get excited about going to bed because you know there’ll be coffee in the morning, or is that just me?

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

If I ever have a daughter, I’m going to call her Erica, but spell it Airwrecka.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

I don’t want to alarm anyone, but my doctor says I have an irreversible terminal condition called aging.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,609

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via TikTok:

Wanna come over and see my mis-matched sock collection?

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Who can better express pain and grief and misery than a man with a harmonica?

Seen just now on X:

Whether you rip off a bandaid quickly or slowly, I find it’s best to ask the wearer’s permission first.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

The healthy food in my fridge should be grateful really. It survives much longer than everything else.

Seen just now on Twitch:

I don’t always cook dinner but when I do, I use every pan in the kitchen.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Ever since I turned 20, someone is always in Japan or Italy. Is it like this forever?

Going viral on Messenger:

You seem really unhinged, we should grab coffee sometime.

Spotted on Facebook:

Grab your own butt! Love yourself!

Freshly posted on Slack:

I have never seen an alcohol company using a drunk person for any advertising, are they ashamed of their customers?

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Being in a rich person’s house is so stressful. Like, why am I struggling to find the trash?

Mentally, I’m in a forest screaming. Physically, I’m answering emails with a fake smile and clenched jaw.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Balancing my inner Tarzan with my outer office zombie life! 🤪🦍📧

answering, email, emails, fake, forest, frustration, jaw, mental, mental state, mentally, physically, screaming, smile, state, stress, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’ve just learned terrible news. My department at work is planning a team-building retreat. Thank you for your thoughts during this difficult time.

0

4 months ago

colleague, department, difficult, difficult time, humor, just, learned, news, office, planning, retreat, sarcasm, team building, terrible, thank, thoughts, time, work
Do you say “Excuse me” to your pet when you walk by them, or are you rude?

0

3 months ago

excuse, excuse me, humor, manners, me, owner, pet, pet owner, politeness, rude, say, walk, walking, walking by
“You’re under the weather?” We all are, idiot. It’s in the sky.

0

2 months ago

humor, idiocy, idiot, observation, sarcasm, sky, under, weather, wit
Using Indeed feels like being an ugly guy on a dating app.

0

2 months ago

app, being, dating, dating app, feeling, feeling insecure, feels, guy, humor, hunt, insecure, job, job hunt, job search, online, online dating, search, self-esteem, ugly, using
Replying to all emails with “ya think?”.

0

2 months ago

communication, email, humor, reply, response, sarcasm, think, workplace
I’m sick of diarrhea. I want to livarrhea.

0

2 months ago

diarrhea, humor, i, illness, joke, livarrhea, pun, sick, want, wordplay

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

33 shares on Snapchat this month:

Dating now is basically choosing which red flag you’re willing to tolerate.

26 shares on Twitch this month:

Every app is a dating app if you are creepy enough.

83 shares on Telegram this month:

Songs discovered from movies are usually a masterpiece.

15 shares on X this month:

Not to brag, but I skipped my mid-life crisis and went straight to cranky old man.

87 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Your call is really important to us but first enjoy this clarinet number for the next seventy five minutes.

39 shares on Messenger this month:

I was once told that if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. Due to this, I’ve been observing a vow of silence since 1997.

75 shares on TikTok this month:

When I get married, I want my wedding video to be filmed like it’s an episode of The Office. I want camera zooms, eye contact, side commentary— all of it.

86 shares on Snapchat this month:

Never trust someone who can eat 24/7 but is still skinny.

37 shares on X this month:

Public urination isn’t a crime if you do it in your pants.

20 shares on Pinterest this month:

Evenings after work finish too quickly, one meal, one show, and it’s already tomorrow morning.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I’m totally flexible.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

A hacker called me and said he had all my passwords. I got a pen and paper and said ‘Thank God for that, what are they?’

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

One thing no one mentions about being an adult is how much time you debate with yourself over keeping a cardboard box because it’s a really good box.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

Olympic gymnast: does the most amazing thing I have ever seen in my entire life. Announcer: Oh dear, that will be a point deduction.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

Used dark mode so much that I became physically repulsed when I see a white screen.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

Half of my problems are because I said “sure” instead of “no.”

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

Sometimes I’ll call in, disguise my voice, and insist on speaking to me, or I’ll take my business elsewhere.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

I’m not super into getting older but I do like how nobody asks me to help them move anymore.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

It’s scary when the washing machine spins really fast.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

Liking a song isn’t enough, I need to be able to call the artist and tell them they did a great job.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Telegram:

The world contains protons, neutrons, electrons, and morons.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

“You like talking to yourself?” God forbid I seek advice from an expert.

Just shared via Discord:

Wolves are just dogs that nobody has called a “good boy” yet.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Washing machine minutes are not the same as regular minutes.

Making waves on Instagram:

My brain logged me out due to inactivity, and I can’t remember the password.

Spotted on Facebook:

I’d imagine the sound of clowns having sex would just be a cacophony of bicycle horns.

Going viral on Reddit:

Hired a financial advisor, and his first piece of advice was that I don’t make nearly enough money to justify paying a financial advisor.

Spotted on YouTube:

Who called it a shopaholic and not a boughtanist?

Seen just now on Twitch:

Me and the fellas making welcome gift baskets for the aliens.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Mentally, I’m in a forest screaming. Physically, I’m answering emails with a fake smile and clenched jaw.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I’ve just learned terrible news. My department at work is planning a team-building retreat. Thank you for your thoughts during this difficult time.

Do you say “Excuse me” to your pet when you walk by them, or are you rude?

“You’re under the weather?” We all are, idiot. It’s in the sky.

Using Indeed feels like being an ugly guy on a dating app.

Replying to all emails with “ya think?”.

I’m sick of diarrhea. I want to livarrhea.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨