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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

A lot of people think you need a lot of money to buy clothes. And they’re right.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

Everyone’s an empath until I need to borrow some cash.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

“It’s Raining Men” and “Let the Bodies Hit the Floor” are the same song from different points of view.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

Being a writer means having a story you want everyone in the world to read, except anyone who knows you.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

Who needs dystopian fiction when you can watch the news?

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

Just caught a moth and sent it back outside. Feeling like Mr. Miyagi.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

Life is short. Tell people you love them, so they block you sooner.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

An orgy where everyone looks identical is called a doppelgängerbänger.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

I’ve had enough. I’m ready to spend an eternity in the arms of my lover.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

I don’t have a yoga mat, but I have a Twister mat, and it’s the same thing.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,543

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Messenger:

English is so fake. How can you drink a drink, but you can’t food a food?

Shared recently on X:

I don’t know why doctors only give stickers to kids? Like, hello, I was also brave today.

Just shared via Messenger:

An article of clothing left on the floor long enough becomes clean again because the germs eventually get bored and leave.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Finally got around to emptying the vegetable drawer of the fridge before something started its independence movement in there.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

“I’m so grateful that so many things are none of my business.”

Freshly posted on Facebook:

If you’re dating an alpha female, you need to know that they need to be babied at night, or else they will turn into a dragon.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

I bought my antidepressants off of Temu and now I glow in the dark.

Just landed via TikTok:

Blowing over it is also dusting.

Just landed via Snapchat:

I noticed you haven’t posted in a few weeks, and just wanted to thank you.

Spotted on Snapchat:

People drive you insane and then say “see, I told you that you’re insane.”

My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.

Witty text on a funny quote about paycheck humor and workplace banter.
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Commentary:
"Looks like the presentation itself was the real joke! 💸😅 Hope the punchline was worth it, or at least enough to cover the disappointment. #CorporateHumor"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Funny Quotes Collections
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Social Media Stars ⭐

45 shares on Messenger this month:

Pretending you don’t notice people staring at you is a skill.

39 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m ready for the exciting last 30 seconds of the basketball game, which stretch into 25 minutes of fouls, time-outs, and commercials.

19 shares on X this month:

It’s perfectly normal if you want to watch an actor’s entire filmography because you find them attractive. Don’t let anyone stop you.

23 shares on Slack this month:

Starting a new life today, bye.

62 shares on YouTube this month:

Crossing my fingers one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse is single.

20 shares on Telegram this month:

“Date” is just another word for: Jeez, had I known that before, I would have stayed home.

30 shares on X this month:

Apologize for the job that you do. It would be nice if you were talented too.

30 shares on X this month:

Oh no, a login from a new device? And that device is my phone? The one that I use every single day? And the location is my house, you say? Thank you so much for warning me. I will contact Interpol.

25 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m giving up eating chocolate for a month. Sorry, bad punctuation. I’m giving up. Eating chocolate for a month.

35 shares on Facebook this month:

I simply accept my extreme loneliness as punishment for something I did in a past life, and don’t worry about it.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t you hate it when you lose things? Like the motivation to do anything.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I bought a 12 year old whiskey. His parents are furious.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

The paintings I always like the most in museums are the ones that have a bench.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

All I know for sure is that I could be wrong.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I fondly remember my days as a younger man when I didn’t care what the weather was going to do.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

This tape doesn’t even taste like scotch.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

My wife didn’t order anything from Amazon yesterday, so the driver gave us a knock this morning to make sure we were OK.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

My favorite emails are the ones that say your order has shipped.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

My first thought upon waking up in the morning is “not again”.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Got fired from my job at the zoo because I kept trying to wax the turtles.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,594

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

My dad’s handwriting makes a pharmacist look like a calligrapher.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

I can now see how sitting on a porch could fill an entire life.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

I’ve been blocked, unfollowed, and unfriended, but I’ve never been told I’m bad in bed.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

Can someone please just give me a participation trophy for making it through today, please?

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

When I like a woman, I start to gather gifts for her like a squirrel hoarding nuts.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

She was rare, like a shopping cart at the grocery without a wobbly wheel.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has shared:

How did we decide to go with cockpit?

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

Sorry, the deadline for complaints was yesterday.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

They get real weird at the gun store if you walk in crying and asking for “the biggest one”.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

My hair will never allow me to commit any crime; I leave my DNA everywhere.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Reddit:

A burrito is just a sleeping bag for beans.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Knowing a guy who knows a guy is one of the most valuable things in the entire world.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Finding a person to make eye contact with during stupid meetings is essential to survival in the workplace.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Monday holds the record for being the worst day of the week.

Just shared via WeChat:

Human interaction is a great way to learn all the new swear words your subconscious mind has come up with in the lab.

Just landed via Messenger:

Three out of five times, my intuition is right. Not in casinos, though.

Going viral on YouTube:

Harry Potter is sort of crazy. I would have never fought a war for my high school.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Your honor, if it pleases the court, I brought homemade brownies for everyone.

Just shared via Messenger:

Taylor Swift’s most unrealistic lyric is “he’d never tell you, but he can play guitar”, because I’ve never met a man who can play guitar that isn’t gonna tell you about it.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Type of hangover that makes you understand why normies spend $25 for a poor soul to bike a bagel to them.

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