Trendy Funny Quotes

  • Even in my early 20’s, I was diagnosed with late stage 40’s.
  • If my dog knew how many photos I have of him sleeping, he’d file a restraining order against me.
  • I’m so single, I have no one to drunk text.
  • Just washed my windows and not a single bloke came out and said ‘You can do mine next!’ This used to be a real country.
  • One day there will be condoms with Bluetooth that tell you whether you’re good in bed, how many calories you’ve burned and when the next train leaves.
  • In my 20’s: why is eating healthy such a big deal anyways. In my 40’s: oh.