My favorite recipe is the one where I pick up the phone and order food.

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My neighbor told me he heard me having sex this morning. I was putting on my shoes.

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Just looked around and realized it’s everyone’s first time living.

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I will unfriend, uncousin, unco-worker, unfollow, unfamily any draining soul real quick.

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Somethіng wrong іn your lіfe? There’s a nap for that.

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If you don’t laugh at my jokes then I will.

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It’s Monday again and I’m about to make it everyone’s problem.

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One of the most embarrassing things in the world: walking downhill.

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No more relationships for me, the last one was an embarrassment to my gangsta.

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I don’t wanna brag, but I’ve been told I’m micro-management material.

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There are days when trying to control your class is like trying to hug a tornado.