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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

Today is a wonderful day to leave me alone.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

A peaceful transition of power happening between me and this red wine just now.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

The first Humans saw the sun go up and then back down, and so they decided to call it a day.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

Respect people who wear glasses because they paid money to see you.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

That period between finding out you got a new job and actually starting the new job is one of the best times in life.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

The devil couldn’t reach me, so he made sure that the love I give is never reciprocated.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

You’re over 35. Better go pee before you leave, pee when you get there, pee while you’re there, and pee before you leave.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

3,691

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Instagram:

Agriculture can’t possibly be a dying industry. Bot farms are booming.

Going viral on Messenger:

Alexa, take responsibility for my actions.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Not my room, not my elephant.

Spotted on Twitch:

A piece of chocolate contains just enough energy to take another one.

Just landed via Threads:

Trust my gut? The thing that tricks me into buying gas station sushi and roller dogs? No thanks.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

My toxic trait is that I expect people to have common sense, and I get mad when they don’t.

Just shared via Telegram:

According to a study, people believe anything that starts with ‘according to a study’.

My kids will never appreciate the amount of extroverting the introvert me does for them.

4 months ago

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Commentary:
Parenting: the ultimate extrovert marathon for introverts 🚶‍♂️😅🏃‍♂️🎉

amount, appreciate, effort, extrovert, family, humor, introvert, kid, kids, me, never, parenting, social, social effort

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Life tip: If all of your bathrooms are full and you’re waiting for someone to finish, just turn off the WiFi in the house.

1 month ago
bathroom, bathrooms, family, finish, full, home, house, humor, internet, just, life, life tip, patience, prank, someone, tip, turn, waiting, wifi
If you’re gonna spend so much time in my head, would it kill you to tidy up a bit?

1 month ago
bit, clean, head, humor, kill, mind, much, spend, thoughts, tidy, time
You unfollow me because you are afraid of falling in love with me. I know!

2 months ago
afraid, confidence, dating, humor, i, know, love, me, media, relationship, social, social media, unfollow
Due to foreseen circumstances well within my control I will be late.

2 months ago
circumstance, circumstances, control, excuse, humor, i, irony, late, procrastination, well
No longer praying on your downfall. I will be directly involved.

1 month ago
confidence, downfall, humor, i, involvement, longer, prayer, praying, sarcasm, teasing
I don’t get how alcohol turns y’all evil. I just start giggling and get slutty.

1 month ago
alcohol, evil, fun, giggling, humor, i, just, laughter, party, slutty, start

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Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

The season is back when women are 80% scarf.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

You should always wear a helmet when doing dangerous things or talking about politics.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

I’m not a fan of camping, if I wanted to sleep outside I wouldn’t pay my mortgage.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

Why a bug would spend such a long fraction of its short life immobile on my ceiling beats me.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

When science finally locates the center of the universe, some people will be surprised to learn they’re not it.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

Starting is the hardest part. Unless it’s eating chocolate. Then stopping is the hardest part.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

Sorry, I didn’t text back. I don’t like talking to people anymore.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Instagram:

Did you get that psychic damage I sent you?

Going viral on YouTube:

Nobody will know you’re stoned if you’re always stoned.

Making waves on Reddit:

Are you stupid, sand? You could just lay here forever on this beautiful beach, but no, you have to try with all you’ve got, to get into my shoes.

Breaking via Telegram:

Can’t. Too busy saving daylight.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Every email sent to me should end with ‘but if your tummy is hurting, don’t worry about it.’

Breaking via LinkedIn:

And for my next trick, I will appear to know what I’m doing.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

The older I get, no.

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Activity Log ✨

My kids will never appreciate the amount of extroverting the introvert me does for them.

Life tip: If all of your bathrooms are full and you’re waiting for someone to finish, just turn off the WiFi in the house.

If you’re gonna spend so much time in my head, would it kill you to tidy up a bit?

Due to foreseen circumstances well within my control I will be late.

No longer praying on your downfall. I will be directly involved.

I don’t get how alcohol turns y’all evil. I just start giggling and get slutty.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Animals are so crazy because, why is your mom only one year older than you?

Call a girl beautiful 1000 times and she won’t notice. Call her fat once and she will never forget. That’s because elephants never forget.

I finally figured out my lifelong dream of becoming a human blanket, but my friends still call it napping on their couch.

I want a chiropractor to crack my entire body like a glow stick.

Just once I’d like to read a medication label that says: Warning, may cause permanent weight loss, increased energy and wrinkle removal.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Whenever I close an app and immediately open it back up, I really feel how dire it all is.

I lied, there is no sex. You’re helping me repot plants.

The bowling ball actually hangs out with the pins after work. There isn’t beef there.

There’s a weird kind of grief that comes with late August, and I can’t explain it.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Boxes of pasta don’t need a plastic window. I believe pasta is in the box.

I need to stop living by the words “life is short.” It’s hurting my bank account.

Are you spaghetti because I want you to meat my balls?

For this Halloween I’ve trained my eyebrows to leap off my face and destroy those who’ve angered me.

The cool thing about being a procrastinator is, really bad ideas also don’t ever make it off the ground.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

The older I get, the more I understand why witches lived alone in the woods.

Thought I would mix things up today and sit in a new spot on my couch. Absolute chaos over here.

Petition to add fitted sheet folding to the olympics.

I’d make room in my pillow fort for you.

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My kids will never appreciate the amount of extroverting the introvert me does for them.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Life tip: If all of your bathrooms are full and you’re waiting for someone to finish, just turn off the WiFi in the house.

If you’re gonna spend so much time in my head, would it kill you to tidy up a bit?

You unfollow me because you are afraid of falling in love with me. I know!

Due to foreseen circumstances well within my control I will be late.

No longer praying on your downfall. I will be directly involved.

I don’t get how alcohol turns y’all evil. I just start giggling and get slutty.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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