Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

Why do my kids have Veteran’s Day off, they haven’t done shit.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

I’ve decided that I need to eat more vegetables, so I’m gonna make a carrot cake later.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

Stupid cow blocking the road. HOW DAIRY!

Someone from 🇦🇲 has viewed:

“Why don’t you tell us anything anymore?” I’ve updated my privacy policy.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

God saw you do that.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

They can steal your recipe, but the sauce won’t taste the same.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

Twitter is basically a psychiatric ward where all the patients diagnose each other.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

Oh, I didn’t tell you? Must have been none of your business, then.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

If your god commands you to kill others, find another god.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

Phone is a cigarette for eyes.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,518

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Slack:

Statistically speaking, people don’t object enough at weddings.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the best thirst trap poster of them all?

Just landed via Telegram:

I’m not fat. I just eat in advance.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Life is so dull when you don’t have someone to flirt with.

Seen just now on YouTube:

The word aerobics comes from two Greek words: aero, meaning “ability to,” and bics, meaning “withstand tremedous boredom.”

Shared recently on Reddit:

The billionaires have decided that the people with nothing have too much.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

One man’s worst nightmare (me) is another man’s peace (also me).

Just shared via Pinterest:

I have never seen an alcohol company using a drunk person for any advertising, are they ashamed of their customers?

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Humans were not meant to have this many passwords.

My Uber driver didn’t try to talk to me the entire ride. Five stars.

3 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Silent car rides should be the new luxury service! 🚗🤫🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟

customer, customer experience, driver, experience, five, humor, me, rating, ride, silence, stars, talk, transportation, try, Uber

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

They say money doesn’t solve all problems, but it will surely solve all of mine.

0

2 months ago

humor, money, problems, sarcasm, solve, wealth
Don’t listen to any thoughts about yourself if your hair isn’t washed. It’s just not true.

0

2 months ago

advice, care, cleanliness, confidence, hair, humor, just, listen, personal, personal care, self-image, thoughts, true, yourself
Children are so giving. For example, my kids gave me a cold.

0

2 months ago

children, cold, example, giving, humor, kids, me, parenting
When they make a Hate Island, somebody link me.

0

2 months ago

commentary, hate, humor, island, link, Love Island, me, sarcasm, social, social commentary, somebody
Sunday is my favorite day where I pretend I’m going to do something productive.

0

2 months ago

day, favorite, favorite day, going, humor, i, pretend, procrastination, productive, relaxation, something, Sunday, where
Alcohol is a vicious cycle: regret, recovery, repeat.

0

2 months ago

addiction, alcohol, cycle, drinking, humor, recovery, regret, repeat, self-awareness, vicious, vicious cycle

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

39 shares on YouTube this month:

Adulting is only fun when you have the funds.

59 shares on TikTok this month:

Not to brag, but my date returned after using the restroom.

60 shares on Snapchat this month:

My boss was like, “People working from home are just pretending to work,” and it’s like, dude, what do you think I’m doing in the office?

47 shares on YouTube this month:

Unlike the brain, the stomach alerts you when it’s empty.

18 shares on Snapchat this month:

Going to the gym for my health and wellbeing? No, I just wanna look good naked.

70 shares on Pinterest this month:

Just because I’m up sharing posts at 7 a.m. doesn’t mean I’m up. Don’t call my phone.

90 shares on Snapchat this month:

This time last night, there was a spider so big in my bathroom it put me under a glass on a postcard and carried me out.

45 shares on Facebook this month:

“Nothing burger” is such a funny phrase. Americans when nothing: so imagine a burger.

72 shares on Threads this month:

My mirror needs a screenshot button.

70 shares on TikTok this month:

“You handled it so well.” Nah, I didn’t. I lost my spark, felt crazy, distanced myself from everyone, and hated myself.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

I’m the kind of crazy you weren’t warned about because no one knew this level existed.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

“I’m like Sisyphus but with dishes. Dishyphus.”

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

I think my soulmate might be carbs.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

Ladies, if you receive flowers with no card on them today, they’re from me.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

I did nothing wrong. I tried to do nothing and did it wrong.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

Follow me on Instagram if you want to see me post absolutely nothing for weeks.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

I’m thinking of maybe killing off a few characters in the book I’m writing. That will really spice up my autobiography.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

I was going to buy my wife a car for Christmas but then I remembered I don’t live in a commercial.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

I’ve got a soft heart and a savage mouth. I’m like a Hallmark card written by Gordon Ramsay.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

The medicine for headache goes to the stomach to do what, exactly?

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Slack:

You should be allowed to miss work if you’re not feeling sexy.

Live now on Telegram:

Had chicken and egg for dinner because I wanted to eat the whole family.

Making waves on TikTok:

Can’t. Just put my hair in a bun and that’s just about enough exercise for today.

Broadcasted on Threads:

“You’re an adult, maybe it’s time to stop fighting with people on the internet.”

Just landed via Snapchat:

The rule should be: if you can smell the cookout, you’re invited to the cookout.

Shared recently on Reddit:

If my calculator had a history, it would be more embarrassing than my browser history.

Spotted on Slack:

Called in, “Hey, macarena!” this morning.

Just shared via Threads:

As funny as it sounds, the easiest way to get women is by having a girlfriend.

Spotted on Discord:

I’m very strong, but not in a get a jar open kinda way.

Trending via Slack:

Mothers be doing unnecessary housework and then get mad at you when they’re tired.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My Uber driver didn’t try to talk to me the entire ride. Five stars.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

They say money doesn’t solve all problems, but it will surely solve all of mine.

Don’t listen to any thoughts about yourself if your hair isn’t washed. It’s just not true.

Children are so giving. For example, my kids gave me a cold.

When they make a Hate Island, somebody link me.

Sunday is my favorite day where I pretend I’m going to do something productive.

Alcohol is a vicious cycle: regret, recovery, repeat.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨