Commentary:
Guess I'm just too healthy for their liking! 🤷♂️🏥😂
47 Funny five quotes
It took two days to elect the Pope. It shouldn’t take five interviews over a month to hire someone.
Commentary:
If the Vatican can do it in 48 hours, why does my job hunt feel like a season of Survivor? 🤔⏳🗳️
It’s finally actually Saturday after just thinking it was Saturday every day for the last five days.
Commentary:
When your calendar finally agrees with your wild imagination 😉📅🎉
Not to brag, but I boiled the right amount of pasta. Once. Five years ago.
Commentary:
Achievement unlocked: Pasta Whisperer 🥳🍝 #OnceInALifetime
US etiquette question: Do you need to tip the guy at the border who reads your last five years of social media history?
Commentary:
Sure, I'll just Venmo him my therapy bill as a tip 😂📱💼
I talk to one guy, and he wants to break my heart. I talk to five guys, and they all wanna take me seriously.
Commentary:
Sounds like you're caught in the plot twist of a rom-com! 🍿🎬💔😅
There is literally no rule that says you have to get married and start a family. Normalize splitting a mansion with your five best friends and ten dogs.
Commentary:
Why split a mansion? My five friends and ten dogs already own the deed to my heart! 🏰🐾😂
Five out of six people find Russian Roulette to be a safe activity.
Commentary:
Playing it safe, as long as you're not number six! 🎱😂🔫
Saturday Night Fever, but it’s just me yelling, “Five, six, seven, eight!” while my cat lies down and refuses to participate.
Commentary:
Sounds like my cat's got a serious case of "paws-itively" no rhythm! 🐾🕺😹
Why does the weekend always feel like it lasts five minutes?
Commentary:
Weekends should come with a pause button, but they only give us a fast-forward remote! ⏩😂