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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

I have more photos of food on my phone than I do of my children.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has downloaded:

My mom asked me to hand out invitations for my brother’s surprise birthday party, and that’s when I realized he was the favorite twin.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

I think it’s very sexy of me to still move with love in a world like this.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

Using a remote to type on a keyboard on the TV is truly one of the worst human experiences that we endure.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

Floppy disks are like Jesus. They died to become the icon of saving.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

As long as you’re still fishing fruit flies out of your drink, you’re not drunk.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

Please try to schedule meetings around my need for attention.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

If I were Juliet, I would NOT be pleased to find a man standing under my balcony at midnight. Sir, I am in my jim-jams.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

Worst thing about cutting off all your hair is you go to work and everyone treats you like Today’s Special Boy.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

I ordered one of those Tempura mattresses. Way too crunchy.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,304

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Discord:

I think my type is a nice person.

Just landed via Pinterest:

I’ll make you feel safe in that you’ll know you can outrun me if we are being chased by a murderer.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Everybody boo’d up, and I’m getting treated like celery on a hot wing plate.

Just shared via Facebook:

I quit boxing the moment I realized my opponent was allowed to punch me in the face, too.

Making waves on Pinterest:

In the 80s, if you woke up feeling thirsty, you could drink some of your waterbed.

Going viral on Slack:

At my next therapy session, I will be discussing the trauma I’ve been dealing with ever since the grocery store layout was altered.

Freshly posted on X:

Doing my bit for the evolution of the human race by eating lots of carbs and never exercising. We will adapt!

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I still haven’t heard one good argument why I should stop believing in Santa.

Spotted on Twitch:

The sexiest woman you know is trying to maintain her balance between insanity and genius.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Welcome to downtown where the crosswalk signals are merely suggestions and you hope the puddles are water.

On Twitter, you will always find someone who is tweeting your thoughts but with better grammar.

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On Twitter, you will always find someone who is tweeting your thoughts but with better grammar.
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Commentary:
"Ah, the perpetual struggle of finding your intellectual doppelgänger with impeccable syntax on Twitter 🤔💬. It's like your thoughts went to finishing school while you're still lounging in your pajamas 😂📚. #GrammarGoals #LostInTranslation"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

81 shares on Reddit this month:

Proudly doing my part to cause the male loneliness epidemic.

56 shares on Snapchat this month:

It’s so much easier to suggest solutions when you don’t know too much about the problem.

71 shares on Pinterest this month:

Oh, to live in an apartment alone and do whatever I want.

73 shares on Reddit this month:

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

78 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m as single as a one Dollar bill, and I don’t need any change.

80 shares on LinkedIn this month:

You have hopes and dreams. I have nopes and screams.

83 shares on Facebook this month:

I deserve a percentage of your pay if you ever stole any swag from me.

38 shares on X this month:

I told my computer I needed a break, now it sends me reminders to stretch while I’m lying on the couch.

77 shares on Messenger this month:

You can just comment, “You two look nice,” on a photo of three people. It’s free and legal.

41 shares on LinkedIn this month:

We’ve been talking about eating the rich for so long, they got over-ripe.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Professor, set the time machine for right now. I’m trying to be more present.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Men will ask you zero questions about yourself, and then say they never met anybody like you.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

The fatigue is reaching levels that shouldn’t even be possible.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Whoever said money can’t buy happiness, clearly never paid for a divorce.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Rap fell off when literacy stopped being a requirement.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I miss when The Weeknd made haunted strip club music. Didn’t know how good I had it.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Today, I’m wearing pink to raise awareness for people like me who forget to separate their red laundry from their whites.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t like to call it a xenomorph — I prefer the term “the alien from Alien.”

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Time to get off the internet, I’ve already had enough stupid for the week.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

When a girl says “5 mins,” think about it like five minutes left in the 4th quarter, and both teams have all their timeouts.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,313

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

Telling your parents about your problems is like adding another problem to your life.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

Fun fact: The confetti you’ll see in Times Square tonight was made from one CVS receipt.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

How do I get someone to unknow me? I no longer want to be known by these people.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

Problems are like balls. Everyone thinks they have bigger ones than you.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

Tried Adderall to help my productivity but now I’m just intensely aware of all the things I should be doing.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

I don’t simply want to kill a mosquito; I want to bite them back over and over to make them itch.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

Why would I date a nonchalant man? I like my men how I like my thong.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

Most meetings end with the conclusion that everything needs to be discussed in another meeting.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

I love all the Winter Olympic events, sliding downhill on a piece of wood, sliding downhill on two pieces of wood, sliding downhill in a piece of wood. All amazing.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

The secret to work life balance is generational wealth.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on YouTube:

A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.

Making waves on TikTok:

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Ever since I was a kid, I always knew I wanted to live in a galaxy far, far away.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Cannabis has many benefits. For example, it makes you retarded. But in addition, it also makes you lazy. No worries though, it also makes you fat and insane.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Instead of calling it the John I’m going to start calling my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning.

Trending via TikTok:

Your phone is a casino designed to steal your time.

Freshly posted on X:

Before sleeping, most people will imagine stuff they want to happen. Like sleeping.

Seen just now on Reddit:

None of this matters and we are all going to die. Have a great weekend!

Going bananas on Threads:

And what do we do when we are sad? “Add to cart”

Going viral on Snapchat:

Women call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.

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