Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • When someone touches my phone, I automatically turn into a ninja.
  • The list of women who haven’t slept with me is really impressive.
  • My husband pissed me off so I wrapped his remote and put it under the tree.
  • “It can’t get any worse than this”, I lie to myself knowing it will absolutely get worse.
  • Jury duty is a wild concept. Whenever the government wants, they can just be like “Call off work, bestie, we need you to solve a murder. Here’s fifteen dollars.”
  • Sorry I missed your call when I pressed decline.