Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

When I tell a joke that doesn’t land, I follow up with a worse one to make my audience realize how good they had it with the first joke.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

If anything goes wrong today, just dramatically whisper, “The prophecy has been fulfilled,” and walk away.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it’s like a circus in my head.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

Back in the good old days, we didn’t have to trim our toenails, they just got wore down naturally from running from dinosaurs.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

It’s like 10,000 lies when all you need is the files.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

Apparently “ew no” is not an acceptable way to tell my boss I don’t want more responsibility at work.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

If I’m ever found dead in the woods, it’s probably because I was trying to pet a bear.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

The real miracle is how Jesus managed to book a table for twenty-six people on the night before the Easter holiday, and then only half them showed up.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

Dear recipe websites. I don’t need your life story. Just give me the recipe.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

Being a procrastinator and a perfectionist means you’re stressed about work … that you haven’t even started yet.

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15,753

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15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Instagram:

There is no bigger lie than “fun for the whole family”.

Shared recently on WeChat:

You give my middle finger an erection.

Making waves on Reddit:

Welcome to your 50’s, you’ll look for your phone while scrolling on your phone.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Thanksgiving ain’t been the same ever since my uncle pulled that gun out on everybody.

Making waves on Telegram:

Me: I love you more than a flower loves the sun. Him: I love you more than a teenager loves his phone.

Going viral on TikTok:

“Likes your story” is a declaration of love.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Love when job applications ask for my desired salary so I can choose between not being hired and being exploited for my work.

Just landed via TikTok:

Biting your tongue while eating is a perfect example of how you can still screw up, even with decades of experience.

Just landed via Discord:

Stick with me and you’ll go places. None of them good, but still.

Broadcasted on Slack:

I was telling my sister that I’ve been going to the gym recently, and my nephew said, “You should go inside when you get there,” and I don’t think I’ll ever recover from that.

Sometimes I want to sleep, but my brain decides to do a little tap dance through every mistake I’ve ever made, instead.

3 months ago

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My brain is a Broadway star when I'm trying to sleep – tap dancing through every cringe moment 🕺💤💭😅

brain, dance, ever, every, funny thought, humor, i, insomnia, little, mind, mistake, overthinking, restless, restless mind, sleep, sometimes, tap, tap dance, thought, through, want

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Social Media Stars ⭐

44 shares on Instagram this month:

In honor of the winter solstice, I also will be cold, distant and filled with darkness.

16 shares on Threads this month:

I remember when a computer didn’t automatically connect to the internet, it used to make a screaming noise. We should have listened.

21 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m not superstitious because it brings bad luck.

38 shares on YouTube this month:

I won’t be doing Dry January, because who was there for me during the happy times and the hard times? Not broccoli.

63 shares on X this month:

When you see a squirrel, you’re bound to say, “Awww, a squirrel!”

80 shares on Twitch this month:

I hate when I get ready too quickly and have to sit on the couch, fully dressed, and wait like an idiot.

75 shares on Discord this month:

You guys ever play a game for hours straight? You start hallucinating the sounds.

21 shares on Reddit this month:

“Home Alone” is a holiday reminder that peace begins the moment everyone leaves the house.

79 shares on Instagram this month:

Geopolitics for dudes is like pure sex. Almost like the male mind was built for this.

30 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Great minds think alike. Unfortunately, so do stupid ones.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇹 has shared:

I’ve saved every episode of Hoarders.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

My favorite thing to do is nothing, with no one.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

Listen kid, I have social media profiles older than you.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

Me liking your post is the equivalent of an angel kissing your forehead.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

I hate this time of year because all you guys care about is football, and no one wants to ogle my cleavage anymore.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

You can be anything. Be the person who ends meetings early.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

If you don’t realize that you’re a werewolf, then you’re actually an unawarewolf.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

Jackie Chan used to say “I don’t want trouble“ and then break everybody’s legs.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

Welcome to your 40s, where the hair shows up uninvited and looks pissed to be here.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

The worst thing you can do when you notice your kids are playing nicely together is telling them that they’re playing nicely together.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Instagram:

How do couples who live together get anything done? I wouldn’t leave my bed if my girlfriend was in it.

Just shared via Facebook:

Naps hit different when you’re using them to avoid being alive.

Seen just now on Threads:

I had a heated but interesting discussion today and they even agreed with me at the end. That’s exactly why I love talking to myself.

Just landed via WeChat:

I don’t really do one-night stands, but I will do, like, 3-8 months of a semi-toxic, undefined relationship that wastes my time and ruins my life.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Might start signing off emails with ‘well, I hope you’re happy’

Making waves on Snapchat:

Sorry I was late, I was frantically applying to other jobs.

Shared recently on Discord:

The only men you can trust is ramen.

Spotted on Twitch:

It really is Monday every 15 minutes.

Just shared via TikTok:

Super excited about a brand new week of faking it.

Seen just now on Reddit:

It doesn’t matter how old you get, buying snacks for a road trip should always look like an unsupervised 9-year-old was given $100.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Sometimes I want to sleep, but my brain decides to do a little tap dance through every mistake I’ve ever made, instead.

I need to stop drinking so much. Did I say drinking? I meant thinking. I definitely need to drink more.

God’s plan for me is super weird so far.

I’ll make you feel safe in that you’ll know you can outrun me if we are being chased by a murderer.

I don’t understand why people have to “get ready for bed.” I am always ready for bed.

I’m not sure what everyone at my coworking space does for work, but I’m pretty sure one guy’s job is chewing.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Sometimes I want to sleep, but my brain decides to do a little tap dance through every mistake I’ve ever made, instead.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I need to stop drinking so much. Did I say drinking? I meant thinking. I definitely need to drink more.

God’s plan for me is super weird so far.

I’ll make you feel safe in that you’ll know you can outrun me if we are being chased by a murderer.

A little friendly reminder that if somebody looks tired, you really don’t have to tell them.

I don’t understand why people have to “get ready for bed.” I am always ready for bed.

I’m not sure what everyone at my coworking space does for work, but I’m pretty sure one guy’s job is chewing.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨