Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • A late person is never happier than when the person they’re meeting is later than them.
  • Turning regret into ulcers since the day I was born.
  • Sex is like my hair. I didn’t have any yesterday. I didn’t have any today. And unless something drastically changes, I won’t have any tomorrow.
  • I rode around the block on my bike for the first time in years and now I understand why Lance Armstrong took performance enhancing drugs.
  • At my age, I’m worried about tripping and falling, so I wear a helmet. I’m also worried about looking ridiculous, so I carry a skateboard.
  • Why read the room when you can leave the room?