Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

One minute you’re young and fun, the next you’re excited about a new vacuum cleaner.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

Wearing shorts and my pale legs screamed at the sensation of sunlight like vampires.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

Life is basically avoiding people who have seen you naked, whilst trying to find new people to see you naked.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

Life tip: If all of your bathrooms are full and you’re waiting for someone to finish, just turn off the WiFi in the house.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

Getting tired without doing anything is an art form.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

I would love to be normal, but unfortunately, I was raised by the internet and a microwave.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

Genuinely nothing worse than going bowling with people who are actually good. Like, why are you doing all that?

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

Sorry, the deadline for complaints was yesterday.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

My sleeping pattern ain’t even a pattern anymore, it’s a freestyle that’s on shuffle.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

It’s like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a Like.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

297 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,566

Funny Quotes Topics

17,623

Funny Quotes Images

15,566

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,408

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I want a restraining order on everyone who doesn’t wear deodorant.

Spotted on Twitch:

I’ll stop smoking weed when life stops smoking me.

Just shared via WeChat:

We all have that person who insists on using a blanket on the couch, no matter the weather.

Going bananas on Threads:

Hate when you’re trying to take a nap and the dentist is all “Please open your mouth.”

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Potatoes make French fries, chips and vodka. It’s like the other vegetables aren’t even trying.

Going bananas on X:

You’re the human embodiment of an “ugh.”

Going viral on Instagram:

Dating apps aren’t working. I’ll see ya at Home Depot, gentlemen.

Just shared via Discord:

Them: Money doesn’t bring happiness. Me: Pass the money over here, I like to be sad.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I’m so lazy, I let my battles pick me.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Be nice to me, I may be hot one day.

The minute I start feeling like a mother to a man, the relationship is over.

4 months ago

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Commentary:
When you find yourself reminding him to take his vitamins, it’s time to initiate the infinite timeout. 😆👶🔔

breakup, feeling, humor, i, man, minute, mother, over, relationship, start

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’m a kid at heart and a senior citizen at my knees and back.

2 months ago

age, age contrast, aging, back, citizen, contrast, heart, humor, kid, knees, self-deprecating, senior, youth
You ever been in the middle of a conversation and realized this is why you avoid people?

2 months ago

anxiety, avoid, avoiding, avoiding people, awkward, awkward moment, conversation, ever, humor, interaction, middle, moment, people, social, social anxiety, social interaction, why
At the self-checkout, I make small talk with myself and I wish I would just shut up.

2 months ago

anxiety, awkward, awkward moment, conversation, humor, i, introvert, just, moment, myself, self-checkout, shopping, shut, small, small talk, social, social anxiety, talk, wish
Wonder what I should wear to World War III.

2 months ago

apocalypse, comedy, crisis, fashion, humor, i, joke, sarcasm, satire, should, war, wear, wonder, world
I’ve started dating myself exclusively but it’s not working out.

2 months ago

date, dating, exclusivity, humor, joke, myself, relationship, self, self-love, working
The difference between a hippo and a zippo is that one is really heavy and the other is a little lighter. Thank you and good night.

2 months ago

comedy, difference, good, heavy, hippo, humor, joke, lighter, little, night, punchline, thank, wordplay, zippo

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

64 shares on Facebook this month:

Men with bibles names be the worst type of people.

47 shares on YouTube this month:

Don’t check on your introverted friends this time of year. They’re probably turning their lights off and pretending they’re not home.

61 shares on Instagram this month:

Don’t be ashamed of who you are, that is your parent’s job.

33 shares on Discord this month:

Fun fact: Did you know that removing junk food from your diet can help you lose up to 90% of your will to live?

87 shares on Threads this month:

God, never seen San Francisco this bad. Spiderwebs completely covering entire business, skeletons just strewn about sidewalks in every neighborhood. Things have got to change!

99 shares on WeChat this month:

Just went to the Oreo website and hit “accept all cookies” … and now we wait.

66 shares on Instagram this month:

Hundreds, nay, thousands of movies about falling in love but only one movie about a beach that makes you old.

72 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Haggis – the meal you have to stomach twice.

35 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’m sorry, I didn’t realize how quiet your bathroom exhaust fan was.

73 shares on Twitch this month:

I’ve realized that some people don’t like me, but I’ve also realized that I don’t give a shit.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

I was born a boy, but according to the packaging, I identify as a family of four.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

There must be an invisible mechanism on my book. Every time I open it, my husband starts trying to talk to me.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

Anti-capitalism is just code for “I don’t know how anything works.”

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

If a door closes, you can just open it again. That is a door. Doors work like this.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

That gap between Christmas and New Year’s when you can’t tell what day of the week it is.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

I feel like smashing my phone would be cathartic.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has copied:

Maybe Baby wants to be put in the corner.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

I just sneezed my wife awake from a nap so any discussion about renewing vows is on hold for a bit.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

You’ve got to question the legitimacy of the Burger Kingdom if Burger King is just handing out crowns to anybody willy-nilly.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

Threatening my wife with a tariff every time she makes fun of me.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Facebook:

I love when I clean my whole apartment just to sit in it like a Victorian widow waiting for bad news.

Just shared via Discord:

Decorated the house across the street so I can look out the window and enjoy my handiwork.

Trending via WeChat:

Stop eating around the bush or whatever the saying is.

Making waves on WeChat:

Sometimes I look deep into my colleagues’ eyes to check if you really can’t see the back of their skulls.

Shared recently on Messenger:

So tonight me and my phone are playing hide and seek. So far my phone is winning.

Spotted on YouTube:

I had a sex dream last night that felt so real, I’m just gonna go ahead and add it to my body count.

Making waves on Slack:

My tapeworm is starting a podcast about the McRib.

Spotted on TikTok:

“What’s your 5-year plan?” I’ll probably go to the movies next week, I think.

Making waves on Instagram:

There is nothing like a little tomato soup to soothe the soul, even if it’s cold, over ice, with a celery stalk and vodka.

Just shared via Threads:

Shut up brain, I wasn’t even talking to me.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The minute I start feeling like a mother to a man, the relationship is over.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I’m a kid at heart and a senior citizen at my knees and back.

You ever been in the middle of a conversation and realized this is why you avoid people?

At the self-checkout, I make small talk with myself and I wish I would just shut up.

Wonder what I should wear to World War III.

I’ve started dating myself exclusively but it’s not working out.

The difference between a hippo and a zippo is that one is really heavy and the other is a little lighter. Thank you and good night.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨