The only thing I gained so far this year is weight.

The only thing I gained so far this year is weight.

Commentary:
Looks like your New Year’s resolution of gaining life experiences took a wrong turn and instead you gained a few pounds! 🍔🍕 But remember, you’re not just gaining weight, you’re gaining gravitational pull too! 💪😄 #NewYearNewMeNotSoMuch

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • Can we start the weekend again? I wasn’t ready.

    Commentary:
    “Sure, let’s hit the rewind button and give the weekend another go! Maybe this time we’ll remember to set multiple alarms and pack extra snacks for unexpected adventures. Here’s to a weekend do-over filled with all the fun and none of the Monday blues!”

  • I wish my Fitbit could track all the steps I’ve taken trying to find where I put it.

    Commentary:
    Oh, the irony of trying to track down the device that’s supposed to track your steps! 🕵️‍♂️🚶‍♂️ It’s like a game of hide-and-seek with your Fitbit. Maybe it’s trying to get some extra steps in without you knowing! 😉 #FitbitMystery

  • The main function of the little toe on your foot is to make sure that all the objects and furniture in the house are in the correct place.

    Commentary:
    Ah, the unsung hero of the toes, the little toe! Always vigilant in its duty to keep you aware of any misplaced furniture or rogue Lego bricks lying in wait to bring you down. Who needs a compass when you have your little toe guiding the way through the obstacle course of your living room? Just remember, stubbing your toe is a small price to pay for a well-organized household!

  • Who called it a heatwave and not a temperature tantrum?

    Commentary:
    “Seriously, who gave Mother Nature a label maker? She’s out here having a temperature tantrum like it’s nobody’s business! 🌞😅 #HeatwaveHavoc”

  • Once you’ve read the dictionary, every other book you read is just a remix.

    Commentary:
    Ah, yes, reading the dictionary is like unlocking the secret cheat codes to language. It’s the ultimate literary remix album, where words are the beats and definitions are the lyrics. So, next time you’re reading a book, just remember – you’re basically jamming out to the greatest hits of the dictionary!

  • If I was Snow White, you wouldn’t get me with an apple. You’d have to poison a taco or something.

    Commentary:
    “If I was Snow White, you wouldn’t catch me falling for some basic apple trick! 🍎🙅‍♀️ I’d need a taco 🌮 on the line for that poison to even tempt me! Bring on the guac-induced slumber! 💤😂”