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Commentary:
"Twitter: where your thoughts can soar freely, but your ego might take a tumble! 🕊️💸 Just remember, the keyboard is mightier than the sword… and sometimes, your balance too! 🤪💻"

activity, back, bug, cost, flip, humor, media, minutes, money, should, social, social media, tweeting

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’m one of those lucky people that can eat whatever they want and not put on any clothes.

1 month ago
body, body image, clothes, eat, food, humor, image, lucky, lucky person, people, person, put, self-deprecation, want, whatever
Most people who have found themselves are amazed to discover that there is nothing there at all.

1 month ago
amazement, discover, existentialism, found, humor, introspection, irony, nothing, nothingness, people, realization, self-discovery
My wife and I are going to quit our jobs and travel until we run out of money. I estimate we’ll be home around 9 p.m. tonight.

1 month ago
9, around, estimate, going, home, humor, i, job, jobs, money, night, plan, quit, relationship, run, tonight, travel, well, wife
Without freedom of speech we wouldn’t know who the idiots are.

2 months ago
expression, freedom, freedom of speech, humor, idiots, irony, know, society, speech
They monitor me harder than Britney Spears around here.

1 month ago
around, britney, Britney Spears, celebrity, harder, here, humor, me, monitor, monitoring, oversight, spears, surveillance
Hit my coworker with “you’re a lucky man” after I saw a picture of his wife just to let him know that I want to sleep with her.

1 month ago
after, coworker, flirtation, hit, humor, i, joke, just, know, let, lucky, lucky man, man, picture, saw, sleep, want, wife, workplace

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and I don’t want to see you every day.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

Imagining how cathartic it must feel to send forth thousands and thousands of bats from your Transylvanian manor.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

Normalize asking if this is an intervention whenever someone invites you over.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

Long sandwiches should have suitcase handles.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

Becoming an adult was the worst thing I’ve ever done.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

People shouldn’t be at the grocery store the same time as me. Get out of the way.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

No matter how messed up your situation is, someone on Reddit’s already lived it, cried about it, and made a 3-part update with screenshots and farmed 12k upvotes.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Facebook:

I’ve got to start taking better care of myself. Tomorrow I’ll walk to the liquor store.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

I’m putting free wifi on my gravestone, so people will come visit me.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Unfair that the older I get, the clearer photo quality gets.

Trending via Telegram:

Hawk o the mornin tuah

Going bananas on Messenger:

Tupperware is a fun way to store your leftovers until you throw them away.

Making waves on Instagram:

“AI is coming for your jobs!” I’d like to see AI take a 30-minute poop right after clocking in.

Live now on Twitch:

Welcome to your 50s, you now take supplements to help your memory, but you can’t remember if you took them today.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Tweeting shouldn’t cost money but it should flip you on your back like a bug for 15 minutes.

I’m one of those lucky people that can eat whatever they want and not put on any clothes.

Most people who have found themselves are amazed to discover that there is nothing there at all.

My wife and I are going to quit our jobs and travel until we run out of money. I estimate we’ll be home around 9 p.m. tonight.

Without freedom of speech we wouldn’t know who the idiots are.

They monitor me harder than Britney Spears around here.

Hit my coworker with “you’re a lucky man” after I saw a picture of his wife just to let him know that I want to sleep with her.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

My husband was unable to find his coat earlier as he’d accidentally hung it up.

All cars should have a rubber bumper all the way around so we can hit each other.

“I’m so good at doing nothing. I wish I could get paid for it.”

Tomorrow isn’t promised, we need to flirt today.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Right before rock bottom, you’ll have a city builder game on your phone.

Imagine you and me as cows in Switzerland, enjoying the view and saying “moo” every day.

As long as I’m alive, I can begin again and again and again, again and again and again, again and again and again.

You can’t convince me that 2020 didn’t open a portal to hell that we’re still living in.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

If you were the birthday gift I bought my daughter 3 months ago, where would you be hiding?

Growing up, I didn’t think the expensive addiction that would ruin me would be Heinz ketchup, but here we are.

Does anyone know if it’s possible to buy the transcripts of audiobooks? Thanks!

That gap in my resume is from when I was lost at sea.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Typos keep me humble. Every email is a gamble.

Lord, they down here giving us bills every month after you already paid the price.

Best thing about staying in an Airbnb is trying to see what’s in that one locked closet.

“Are you okay?” No, it’s literally Monday every 15 minutes.

My goal is to do one thing each day that could prevent me from being elected to political office.

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Tweeting shouldn’t cost money but it should flip you on your back like a bug for 15 minutes.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I’m one of those lucky people that can eat whatever they want and not put on any clothes.

Most people who have found themselves are amazed to discover that there is nothing there at all.

My wife and I are going to quit our jobs and travel until we run out of money. I estimate we’ll be home around 9 p.m. tonight.

Without freedom of speech we wouldn’t know who the idiots are.

They monitor me harder than Britney Spears around here.

Hit my coworker with “you’re a lucky man” after I saw a picture of his wife just to let him know that I want to sleep with her.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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