Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

I watch “Law and Order” so much that when I turn off the TV, I wipe my fingerprints off the remote.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

Got asked to be a godparent, proving God has lowered his recruitment standards.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

There’s no bigger test of patience than typing your email address in on a TV with the remote.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

The plant app says that I either watered my plant too much or not enough. Very helpful. Thanks!

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

Another day on this hamster wheel to nowhere.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

Throwing someone under the bus sounds hard, let’s just sell ’em down the river and call it a day.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

Elevator rides in real life: 30 seconds long. Elevator rides in movies: Two minutes long.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

Don’t fall in love. It’s bad.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

If i had $5 for every time I said up yours to someone, my butler would be saying it for me.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

Hair is washed. I am finally lovable and capable of loving again.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,593

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Facebook:

A credit card is kind of like a gift card to every store.

Shared recently on Discord:

Sex before marriage is a sin unless you do it doggy style, because all dogs go to heaven. Follow me for more biblical loopholes.

Live now on WeChat:

I was born tired, and I will die tired. If I ever tell you I’m not tired, I’m probably lying.

Spotted on Snapchat:

They should invent something in between coffee and narcotics.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Can everyone log off? I need some time alone right now.

Going bananas on YouTube:

On a first date, saying “agree to disagree” every time they share anything about themselves.

Just landed via Threads:

How many times does one have to open the fridge door before cake appears inside?

Welcome to your 40s. A random back pain will be assigned to you shortly, and you’ll never know what flares it up every time.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, the 40s—the decade where your back decides to play a fun game of "Guess the Trigger"! 🎯😅✨

40s, age, aging, back, back pain, every, flare-up, health, humor, know, middle, middle age, never, pain, random, random pain, time, welcome

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

How did the person who invented the spelling of “banana” decide when to stop?

0

2 months ago

banana, creativity, decide, decision, humor, inventor, language, person, spelling, stop, wordplay
The invention of locks was a key turning point in history.

0

2 months ago

history, humor, invention, key, locks, point, turning, turning point, wordplay
Ah, summer. When my non-consensual relationship with mosquitoes begins.

0

2 months ago

annoyance, bite, humor, insect, mosquito, relationship, season, summer
My favorite part about standing in line is watching the other lines move more quickly.

0

3 months ago

comparison, favorite, humor, impatience, irony, line, lines, move, observation, queue, standing, waiting, watching
On my phone, you’ll never see contacts saved as ‘babe’ or ‘love.’ I save full names—first and last—like a government office.

0

3 months ago

babe, communication, contact, contacts, full, full name, government, government office, humor, i, identity, love, name, never, nickname, office, phone, phone contact, relationship, save, saved, texting
Women only want one thing, and it’s the power to cast men who tell us to smile right into a pit of giant venomous serpents.

0

2 months ago

cast, empowerment, gender, giant, humor, man, men, only, pit, power, right, sarcasm, serpent, smile, tell, thing, us, venomous, venomous serpent, want, woman, women

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

71 shares on Messenger this month:

Runners who smoke need to pick a side.

47 shares on Snapchat this month:

You never realize what you have until it’s gone. Toilet paper is a good example.

10 shares on Snapchat this month:

World domination? I don’t even want to be responsible for myself.

43 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Normalize saying “better you than me” to people who keep complaining about everything.

46 shares on X this month:

We should make a new internet that’s as hard to use as the old internet was, so anyone that’s too stupid to have used the internet 20 years ago can’t get on it.

55 shares on Messenger this month:

Who needs a dominatrix when you can be beaten up by an automatically retracting vacuum cleaner cable?

82 shares on Threads this month:

Before I started my own business, I would suffer from anxiety on Sunday nights. But now that I run my own business, I have anxiety every night.

28 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Imagine having a negative opinion of me, and I have no idea who you are.

36 shares on Telegram this month:

I put the “pro” in procrastinate.

89 shares on Messenger this month:

There should be an Olympics where athletes can take as many drugs as they want. Like, to hell with y’all, let’s see how high humans can really jump.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇸 has bookmarked:

The words I can’t wait to hear someday, “I’m sorry, Mom, you were right about everything.”

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

Just once I’d like to hear a doctor say, “Your guess is as good as mine.”

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

Having a job ruined my life.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

I think, therefore I am. I am, therefore I think. Therefore I am. I think.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

I always have a bad connection in my head when someone tries to explain a card or board game to me.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

Therapy is life letting you speak to the manager.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

Potato chips ARE vegetables! I exclaim as I tear open the third bag.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

The worst part about getting sucked up by the tornado you’re filming is to die knowing your wife was right. You are an idiot.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

My employer is totally caring. They pay so poorly that I can’t afford to have an alcohol or drug problem.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

Being friends with introverts is hard sometimes. Did they die? Are they just recharging? Are they Batman now? The suspense is killing me.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Slack:

Having someone sing you to sleep is so comforting, until you realize you are the only one in the room.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

You can’t change your past but you can change your pasta.

Live now on Snapchat:

When butterflies fall in love, do they feel humans in their stomachs?

Seen just now on Instagram:

What are y’all gonna do when those labubus come to life and start biting y’alls ankles?

Freshly posted on X:

Accordion to current studies, 90% of you did not realize that this sentence started with a musical instrument.

Seen just now on Reddit:

If you keep your AC any higher than 75, please don’t invite me to your terrarium, you lizard.

Going bananas on WeChat:

I have everything you could possibly ever need in my purse, except for money.

Making waves on Reddit:

Shout out to the dude who flipped me off in traffic. Making me feel all nostalgic for California, thank you.

Just landed via WeChat:

Forget Botox. If you really want to look younger, get braces.

Spotted on WeChat:

The worst person you know is studying psychology.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Welcome to your 40s. A random back pain will be assigned to you shortly, and you’ll never know what flares it up every time.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

How did the person who invented the spelling of “banana” decide when to stop?

The invention of locks was a key turning point in history.

Ah, summer. When my non-consensual relationship with mosquitoes begins.

My favorite part about standing in line is watching the other lines move more quickly.

On my phone, you’ll never see contacts saved as ‘babe’ or ‘love.’ I save full names—first and last—like a government office.

Women only want one thing, and it’s the power to cast men who tell us to smile right into a pit of giant venomous serpents.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨