Welcome to your 40s. A random back pain will be assigned to you shortly, and you’ll never know what flares it up every time.

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No matter how much Polynesian food you eat, you always want Samoa.

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You never forget your first kiss. Or your first meeting with HR.

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Spotify should have helpful mental health suggestions like “your top listens are Taylor Swift and true crime, go to therapy.”

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If the first thing you do in the morning is checking your emails, you’re starting your day with other people’s problems.

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Being held for questioning sounds more romantic than it is.

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Stop avoiding your banking app. Go look at what you’ve done.

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Wait, making the right choices is an option?!

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Now that Christmas and New Year are out of the way, we can focus on the things that really matter: My posts.

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Starting the second half of your sandwich is like “hell yeah, baby, let’s run it back!”

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Prime numbers are so cunty. Like okay, diva — only divisible by yourself?