38 funny random quotes - Wordgag

That pen in the junk drawer that hasn’t been used in four years picked today to have an attitude.

May 20, 2026

Discord is only good for calling friends on the computer. Please do not waste your time getting caught up in random servers.

May 20, 2026

A diamond is forever, and so is my teen’s grudge against me for some random stuff every other day.

May 20, 2026

Career anxiety hitting at random hours of the day.

May 20, 2026

Making friends as an adult is wild because there’s so much lore to catch up on. You’ll be 3 years in and still get random drops like, ‘Oh, by the way, I used to be married.’

May 19, 2026

My playlist is so random, I be heartbroken, thugged out, and yeehaw all at the same time.

May 19, 2026

I can’t wait to buy Chanel bags on a random Tuesday for me and my friends.

May 19, 2026

One of the most underrated benefits of having a cat is that you get another creature to look around in confusion with you when you hear a random loud-ass noise in the middle of the night.

May 19, 2026

Getting a random boner is a bit funny. Like, what is it, boy? What do you see?

May 19, 2026

Welcome to Twitter, some random, judgmental stranger will be along shortly to complain about your tweets.

May 19, 2026

Welcome to your 40s. A random back pain will be assigned to you shortly, and you’ll never know what flares it up every time.

May 18, 2026

They should make a biopic of just some random guy.

Apr 1, 2026

Sometimes I’ll do a random act of kindness, like keeping my mouth shut, for example.

Apr 1, 2026

If life was a video game, right now would be the time where I randomly press buttons because I don’t know what to do.

Mar 31, 2026

Imagine applying for a job, then not picking up calls from random numbers.

Mar 31, 2026

The idea that wisdom teeth are just some random glitch that God forgot to patch, so now we have to pull them out with modern technology, is retarded.

Mar 31, 2026

You know you’re getting old when you get mad at some random car parked outside your house.

Mar 31, 2026

I actually love talking to strangers, they will unknowingly say some shit that shifts your perspective, and you never see them again.

Mar 31, 2026

I finally used a screw from the random screw collection I’ve been accumulating for 25 years, and I’ve never felt so alive.

Mar 31, 2026

Sometimes I do random acts of kindness, like keeping my mouth shut, for example.

Mar 30, 2026

We keep a potato masher in a drawer because sometimes it’s fun not to be able to open that drawer.

Mar 30, 2026

We’re putting that movie you love back in theaters on one random Wednesday — and we’re not gonna tell you until Tuesday.

Mar 29, 2026

Twitter is like talking to yourself in public and some random dude walking by agrees with you.

Mar 29, 2026

As a kid, I was worried about randomly disappearing into the Bermuda Triangle forever. As an adult, I’m wondering how I can actually make that happen.

Mar 27, 2026

Texting random numbers “It’s done.”

Mar 27, 2026

Text a co-worker at a random time “are you joining this meeting?” as a fun holiday prank.

Mar 27, 2026

There’s only one way we’ll at least occasionally get normal elected officials and that’s if we pick them by random lottery.

Mar 26, 2026

I’m so jealous of people who live near a coastal area. What do you mean you can just go to the beach on a random Tuesday?

Mar 26, 2026

I swear people go to Starbucks and just say random words. “Lemme get a grande iced mocha no foam quad soy hexagon vortex hypothesis with steamed ice”.

Mar 26, 2026

Pretty sure they’re naming prescription drugs by just grabbing random Scrabble tiles. “Oh hey, Qdilrox sounds good.”

Mar 25, 2026

It’s that time of year again where I go to random restaurants to tell random women, “So this is why you cancelled our date?”, while they’re out with their significant others.

Mar 25, 2026

I hate it when some random company refers to me as their “customer.” I’m like, look, we had one night of drunken shopping, we are not in a relationship.

Mar 25, 2026

I haven’t worn a trench coat since a random man in his 60s said to me “what are you looking for, detective?”

Mar 25, 2026

Forgot my glasses, so I’m pointing at a random spot on the menu and hoping for the best.

Mar 24, 2026

Shazam but for random noises outside.

Mar 24, 2026

Stirring up shit at the wedding by going up to random people and saying “I think it’s so brave that you’re here”.

Mar 24, 2026

“What’s a random act of kindness you’ve done for a stranger recently?” I helped a bunch of teens buy alcohol and cigarettes the other day.

Mar 24, 2026

I wish we were cats so you could just randomly slap co-workers for no reason.

Mar 24, 2026