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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

My husband loves when we fight, and I turn it into a limited series called And Another Thing.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

If you listen to my husband snore, you don’t need Jurassic Park anymore.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has bookmarked:

I want a restraining order on everyone who doesn’t wear deodorant.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

What’s a polite way to tell someone you hope they get mauled by a bear?

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

It’s a fabulous time to be alive if you love: verification codes, verifying your email, yelling ‘REAL PERSON’ into a phone at a robot, reading nightmarish news all day, every day, hot.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

When a man gets married he has a moral obligation to scare his wife when he sneezes.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

Love is not pushing them down the stairs when you have the opportunity.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

Trying to bribe Monday with coffee to get it to act like a Friday.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

When I was a little girl, I always dreamed of growing up to satisfy user needs in a way that meets business goals for transformative outcomes.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

The 80s were wild, man. You had bands naming themselves after predatory cats with hearing problems.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,378

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Facebook:

Imagine hating me and i’m just over here doing a much better job at hating myself than any of y’all could do.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

The feminine urge to start a coven.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

My favorite dance move is trying to get out of my own way.

Shared recently on YouTube:

I don’t post for money or fame, I post because there’s something seriously wrong with me.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

The Jaws theme stays on during sex.

Just landed via Twitch:

Time machine? You mean a clock?

Going viral on YouTube:

I identify as a weather forecast: Anything’s possible.

Breaking via Pinterest:

Women only want one thing and it is to walk down a dimly-lit cobblestone street with the devil.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Jealous that my phone can just die for a little while.

Going bananas on Messenger:

If you like true crime stories, I highly recommend the history of the Catholic Church.

Why the hell is my laundry bin always full? I’m not even going anywhere.

2 days ago

Funny Quotes

Humorous text questioning laundry bin’s constant fullness despite no plans to go out.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Maybe your clothes are just really good at social distancing and refuse to leave the house! 🧺🤷‍♂️ #LaundryWoes"

always, anywhere, bin, chores, confusion, even, everyday, everyday life, full, going, hell, humor, irony, laundry, life, why

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73 shares on Threads this month:

We are so shocked by “Butthead” that we ignore the strangeness of the name “Beavis”.

16 shares on Facebook this month:

Flossed the day before a dentist appointment like I was cramming for a history test.

53 shares on Slack this month:

A good substitute for love and and personal fulfillment is a big bowl of fries.

35 shares on TikTok this month:

Bought a pair of night vision goggles so that I can easily find the fridge at night without waking my wife.

82 shares on Instagram this month:

I accidentally used my dog’s shampoo today, and now I’m feeling like such a good girl.

49 shares on Discord this month:

If buying isn’t owning, then pirating isn’t stealing.

44 shares on Slack this month:

Andrew Tate is what you’d get if Axe body spray gained consciousness.

91 shares on Telegram this month:

Puberty was a hair-raising experience.

68 shares on Messenger this month:

Let’s just call ourselves divorced now and skip the stressful, expensive bit in the middle.

10 shares on Pinterest this month:

Coffee doesn’t solve all my problems. But it definitely stops me from constantly creating new ones.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

My body cracks like a glow stick every time I move, but refuses to light up.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

Randomly hearing your favorite song is more satisfying than putting it on yourself.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

One of the most underrated benefits of having a cat is that you get another creature to look around in confusion with you when you hear a random loud-ass noise in the middle of the night.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

If the earth was flat, cats would have pushed everything off it by now.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

Skinny people are easier to get blown around by storms. These donuts are for my safety.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

Getting emotional thinking about everything SpongeBob has been through and his resilience despite it all.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

Liking sports is great because you’ll have a bad day, then here your team comes to make it worse.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

You don’t know your own leg strength until you’re kicking the end of a hotel tucked bed sheet.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

As you get older, it’s amazing how fast bird-watching creeps up on you…

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

I talk to my dog like she’s human and, like most humans, she looks at me like I’m an idiot.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Facebook:

I have tasted academic validation. I have tasted romantic love. I recommend getting a hobby.

Just landed via Telegram:

Thaw me like one of your french fries!

Freshly posted on Facebook:

She poured the milk before the cereal. It was not meant to be.

Spotted on WeChat:

Corporate life requires an ass-licking skill set I simply wasn’t born with.

Shared recently on X:

I really want to be nice, but annoying people just won’t let me.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

You’re not a knight in shining armor, you’re just a knob in Under Armour.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Ratatouille is hilarious because the villain wasn’t even evil; he just didn’t want food cooked by rats?!?

Making waves on Twitch:

There’s something fundamentally wrong with the way people interact with each other on LinkedIn.

Just landed via Instagram:

I never used to worry about death but now I’m terrified it will break my winning Wordle streak.

Just shared via TikTok:

I can already feel that the day is going to seize me instead of the other way around.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Why the hell is my laundry bin always full? I’m not even going anywhere.

Oh right, like you’ve never let your kids stay lost in a corn maze just a little longer.

How dare you say I’m crazy on the eve of my cat’s wedding?

Please have a seat and witness my self-destruction firsthand.

Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve always known I wanted to be a woman with a lot of money when I grew up.

I can clean the whole house if I want to, but if someone asks me to do it, suddenly I’m lazy.

Look, babe, I’m sorry. If your fake British accent keeps being this geographically inconsistent, I’m going to have to cancel the medieval roleplay sex.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Why the hell is my laundry bin always full? I’m not even going anywhere.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Oh right, like you’ve never let your kids stay lost in a corn maze just a little longer.

How dare you say I’m crazy on the eve of my cat’s wedding?

Please have a seat and witness my self-destruction firsthand.

Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve always known I wanted to be a woman with a lot of money when I grew up.

I can clean the whole house if I want to, but if someone asks me to do it, suddenly I’m lazy.

Look, babe, I’m sorry. If your fake British accent keeps being this geographically inconsistent, I’m going to have to cancel the medieval roleplay sex.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨