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Imagine if spiders giggled when they ran away from us.

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If you feel fat and sad just know itโ€™s someone out there fatter than you.

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Who called it asking the waiter about the specials and not retrieving data from the server?

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I haven’t given up on my fairy-tale ending. I still plan to be eaten by a wolf.

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Drinking a beer alone with terrible posture.

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We need to stop making more Christmas music. We have enough.

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My Mom asks why everything is on the floor, like she never heard of gravity.

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A friend of mine decided to cut all the toxic people out of his life, or so I was informed.

A friend of mine decided to cut all the toxic people out of his life, or so I was informed.

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Sounds like everyone checked their phones for a text from him ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ“ฑโœ‚๏ธ



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