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There should be a Jaws sequel where the shark finally gets arrested for his crimes and goes to jail.

1 month ago
arrested, comedy, crimes, humor, jail, Jaws, movie, sequel, shark, should, where
And is this “year-end bonus” in the room with us right now?

1 month ago
bonus, humor, joke, money, right, room, sarcasm, us, workplace, year-end
If I like you I keep you close, if not I keep you at a distance so I can mime squishing your head between my thumb and forefinger.

1 month ago
close, distance, forefinger, friendship, head, humor, i, keep, mime, preference, relationships, squishing, thumb
The human body is amazing. One half-open eye and the brain under emergency power are enough to make coffee.

1 month ago
amazing, body, brain, coffee, emergency, emergency power, eye, half-open, half-open eye, human, human body, power
I asked my boyfriend if he believed in trolls and elves and he said, “slightly.”

1 month ago
asked, belief, boyfriend, conversation, elf, fantasy, fun, humor, i, relationship, trolls
Cheers to all who skipped that one dish at Thanksgiving because you just didn’t trust the person who brought it.

1 month ago
cheers, dish, food, holiday, humor, just, person, Thanksgiving, trust

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

It’s actually crazy we figured out how to grow real diamonds that are cheaper and better quality than the real thing, and so many people are still like, no thanks, the suffering is what makes it special.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

I love staying in a hotel. I’m eating room service in bed while I watch the worst TV show of all time on cable television. I’m working out in the gym and swimming in the pool. I’m using the amenities. To hell with Airbnb.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

AirBnB is fun for when you want to be financially abused by a stranger with a binder filled with rules.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

No thank you, I only like men who have no interest in me.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

I am physically, mentally and emotionally ready to enter a new phase in my life…. hibernation.

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January-me would not believe the life I lived this year.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

They say money doesn’t solve all problems, but it will surely solve all of mine.

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Freshly posted on WeChat:

Having to confirm your past purchases over the phone with your bank’s fraud department is a truly harrowing moment of self-examination for chronic little treat buyers.

Spotted on Twitch:

I’m gonna build a pirate ship and sail the high seas. Who’s coming with?

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I don’t get enough credit for acting far less crazy than I actually am.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Ten million people accused me of exaggerating today.

Just shared via Threads:

Hangman is so great. No better way for a child to learn how to spell than by having to save a man from hanging to death.

Live now on Telegram:

“There are lots of benefits to working here. We have fun social events and activities after work!” And what are the benefits?

Live now on Instagram:

Stress in private, complain on Twitter, happy in public.

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I do not know how to put this gently, but part of being a good driver is using the gas and brake as little as humanly possible.

There should be a Jaws sequel where the shark finally gets arrested for his crimes and goes to jail.

And is this “year-end bonus” in the room with us right now?

If I like you I keep you close, if not I keep you at a distance so I can mime squishing your head between my thumb and forefinger.

The human body is amazing. One half-open eye and the brain under emergency power are enough to make coffee.

I asked my boyfriend if he believed in trolls and elves and he said, “slightly.”

Cheers to all who skipped that one dish at Thanksgiving because you just didn’t trust the person who brought it.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

If we “talk,” you ain’t single. We’re in a pending relationship. You’re in the cart.

There’s nothing more satisfying than the little nap you have after hitting snooze on your alarm.

Where do I see myself in 5 years? I don’t even know where I am right now.

I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side. My legs for always supporting me. And my fingers because I can always count on them.

Have you tried making guacamole about it?

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Sawing a hole in a table from underneath to steal a cake is a lot harder than cartoons would have you believe.

I went from dancing with myself in the 80s to talking to myself now.

Being a little freak is my love language.

Putting a baby on board sticker on my car because other drivers have a right to know who they’re dealing with behind the wheel.

I wouldn’t trust a single one of you with a flying car.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but no one in the world is judging you as much as you’re judging yourself. People online: Hold my beer.

If your god commands you to kill others, find another god.

I keep all my valuables near the front door so if burglars breaks in during the night they will not wake me up.

Imagine marrying an old man for money and you die first.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

When I die I want people to say “Hmm, I didn’t know you could die like that.”

70% of marriage is yelling “What” from a different room.

There’s someone in our team who behaves horribly to me and whenever I have to type his name, I’ve taken to using a slightly smaller font size than for everyone else’s.

Peeling a sweaty sports bra off counts as aerobic exercise, right?

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I do not know how to put this gently, but part of being a good driver is using the gas and brake as little as humanly possible.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

There should be a Jaws sequel where the shark finally gets arrested for his crimes and goes to jail.

And is this “year-end bonus” in the room with us right now?

If I like you I keep you close, if not I keep you at a distance so I can mime squishing your head between my thumb and forefinger.

The human body is amazing. One half-open eye and the brain under emergency power are enough to make coffee.

I asked my boyfriend if he believed in trolls and elves and he said, “slightly.”

Cheers to all who skipped that one dish at Thanksgiving because you just didn’t trust the person who brought it.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

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