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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

An article of clothing left on the floor long enough becomes clean again because the germs eventually get bored and leave.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

Every family needs a delusional daughter who is ambitious about relieving all her family’s struggles solely by winning the lottery one day.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

At my age, this “microsleep” can sometimes last hours.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

I think it’s very sexy of me to still move with love in a world like this.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

My teen being nice to me is getting really expensive.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

My fight or flight response has frequent flyer miles.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

Proverbs are so mean. Like, I don’t deserve any worm because I woke up at 11am? Like, no worm at all?

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

I love being a girly girl and going to sleep all moisturized, juicy, and soft. Lip balm on. Layering on scents just to beauty rest.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

My desire to be informed is currently at odds with my desire to remain sane.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

I love routine. Until I’m bored, then I love excitement. Until I’m overwhelmed, then I love routine.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,723

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Telegram:

Thinking the bodega owner likes you is exactly the same as thinking the stripper likes you.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Nothing is smaller than the X on ads to click them away.

Trending via WhatsApp:

They did so well traumatizing us about teen pregnancy, I’m still traumatized as an adult.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

Television is better for you than phone. It is like vaping vs smoking.

Broadcasted on Discord:

Heartbreaking: Introvert sentenced to 100 hours of hanging out.

Just landed via Twitch:

I think if you ask Kanye for a million at the right time, he’ll give it to you.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Time is precious, waste it wisely.

Just shared via Telegram:

Autumn is when men run around like it’s summer and women like it’s winter.

Live now on WeChat:

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

Breaking via TikTok:

As a parent you get to see just how much a baby accomplishes in its first year of life. Because you’re awake for all of it.

“Alcohol and beautiful women” is apparently not an appropriate answer when you are asked about your weaknesses in a job interview.

2 months ago

0

“Alcohol and beautiful women” is apparently not an appropriate answer when you are asked about your weaknesses in a job interview.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, it seems like "charming honesty" has its limits when it comes to job interviews! 🍸💃 Guess it's time to swap those weaknesses for something a bit more work-appropriate, like saying you're "too detail-oriented" or "overly passionate about excel spreadsheets." Remember, save the fun stuff for the office holiday party! 😉

alcohol, answer, asked, beautiful, beautiful woman, dating, humor, inappropriate, inappropriate answer, interview, job, job interview, situation, social, social situation, weakness, woman, women, workplace

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Me: Hello, darkness, my old friend. Darkness: I have a boyfriend.

0

1 month ago

boyfriend, conversation, darkness, friend, friendship, hello, humor, i, joke, me, old, rejection, relationship
Every morning I wake up and make the worst possible time management decisions anyone has ever made.

0

1 month ago

anyone, decision, decisions, ever, every, humor, i, management, morning, procrastination, self-deprecation, time, time management, wake, wake up, worst, worst decision
My therapist should also do my nails while we’re talking.

0

1 month ago

care, humor, multitasking, nail, nail care, nails, self-care, session, should, talking, therapist, therapy, therapy session, while
My mind is like someone dumped the entire junk drawer on a trampoline.

0

2 months ago

chaos, disarray, drawer, humor, junk, junk drawer, mind, randomness, someone, trampoline
Realizing this yogurt I’m eating is more active and cultured than I am.

0

2 months ago

active, am, comparison, cultured, eating, food, humor, i, realization, self-reflection, yogurt
How I flirt? I look at an attractive person several times and hope that they are bolder than me.

0

2 months ago

attraction, attractive, attractive person, boldness, dating, flirt, hope, humor, i, interaction, me, person, social, social interaction, times

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

11 shares on Snapchat this month:

I don’t need a fancy watch to tell me I’m not fit one bit.

29 shares on Reddit this month:

Everyone is a genius until they try to use someone else’s microwave.

84 shares on WeChat this month:

We don’t get a song of the summer this year because we were bad.

84 shares on Discord this month:

Tariff this, tariff that. When is somebody gonna tariff my clothes and kiss me?

90 shares on Discord this month:

Aliens only abduct the people that are already nuts so no one will believe them when they try and tell everyone.

100 shares on Reddit this month:

When you decorate your whole house for Christmas, what you’re really saying is “I’m not going to dust for at least a month.”

71 shares on LinkedIn this month:

When someone says they’re never going to talk to me again, I do the right thing and say thank you.

15 shares on Threads this month:

Do you know how much trauma it took to be this funny?

96 shares on Pinterest this month:

Obituaries should have clickbait titles.

73 shares on Twitch this month:

At the club asking for Ibuprofen.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

A big part of aging is accumulating keys and not knowing what they’re for.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t give up, keep going. There are still so many disappointments waiting for you.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Stores should accept “I bought this while depressed” as a valid reason for a return.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Scrolling… good take… bad take… nothing take… cyberbullying… beautiful woman.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I am stoned and laying in bed reading, and the idea of Santa going on Ozempic popped into my head, and I whispered, “No!”

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t blame the holidays, you were already overweight in August.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I think the Monday after Sunday should always be a day off.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

At least 80% of my day is spent holding back my inappropriate thoughts.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Welcome to your 50’s; you can have a really good laugh at everyone moaning about their aches and pains in their 30’s.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

My favorite part about summer is when I get to go back inside where it’s air conditioned.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,323

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

Roses are red. Pizza sauce is too. I ordered a large. And none of it’s for you.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

Hot girls have a private Instagram account with 20 followers.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

Our pronunciation of the word “colonel” does feel like group psychosis.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

Relationship status: I love my bed.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

Unless I say otherwise, I am always tired.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

If you want to complain about my driving at least calm down and get off my hood first.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

The Welsh language was invented by a dad losing at Scrabble.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has viewed:

You don’t become cooler with age, but you do care progressively less about being cool, which is the only true way of being cool. This is called the Geezer’s Paradox.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

Stirring up shit at the wedding by going up to random people and saying “I think it’s so brave that you’re here”.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

I really thought impromptu dance-offs were going to be more common.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Threads:

If you’re feeling lonely, start a small business. Then you’ll have a little company.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Dating apps never work for me because I need at least two years of friendship charged with weird sexual tension to even consider falling in love.

Just shared via X:

Please don’t dm me with the intention of dating me. You deserve less.

Just landed via X:

Me passing someone: you slow mule! Me being passed: okay, speed racer!

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Maybe hot chocolate wants to be called beautiful chocolate at least one time.

Breaking via Telegram:

They should invent a man who is being genuine when he says things to me.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

They should invent a day where I don’t think.

Seen just now on Messenger:

I’m surviving motherhood, one teenage meltdown at a time.

Going viral on YouTube:

Changing my relationship status from “Single” to “I give up.”

Breaking via Facebook:

In hell, you wait for a ‘verify your email address’ email that never arrives.

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