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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

Science has enough bodies, I’m donating mine to English lit just to spice things up a bit.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

Sometimes I worry that avoiding all human interaction isn’t a real hobby.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

The highest act of rebellion is to relax unconditionally.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

This too shall pass. And then some other bullshit will come and take its place. It never fucking ends.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

I don’t post for money or fame, I post because there’s something seriously wrong with me.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

There’s nothing I hate more than a failed nap attempt.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

I put on my Godzilla costume, then go to the miniature golf course to beat up the windmill.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

I hate when a guy asks “can you cook?” Can you build a house?

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

When is this robot army coming to take my job?

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

I’m officially at the age where I understand why my parents never wanted to go anywhere after work.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,982

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on YouTube:

I’m gonna turn all this pain into something beautiful, like a tweet or a close friends story.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

I drive safer when there’s food in my passenger’s seat than when there’s a person sitting there.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I’ve cooked for men I should have poisoned, so yeah, I do have self-control.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Printers and computers treat each other like they broke up the night before, and you’re their mutual friend.

Making waves on Threads:

A Twitter swear jar could end world hunger.

Making waves on Telegram:

This December is not Decembering like the other Decembers Decembered.

Going bananas on Threads:

Folks, please have more respect for people with glasses. Because they pay money to see you.

Making waves on Reddit:

Can I come over and shed hair everywhere?

Making waves on Instagram:

Asking a film guy, “Who is that?” when Tom Cruise comes on screen just to feel something.

Broadcasted on Discord:

Life is like a roll of toilet paper, the closer to the end you get, the faster it goes.

At this point making life choices involves liquor and a dart board.

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At this point making life choices involves liquor and a dart board.
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Commentary:
"Looks like someone's taking the 'shot in the dark' approach to decision-making! 🎯🥃 Who needs a crystal ball when you've got a dart board and a bottle of liquor, right? Cheers to hoping for the best outcomes…and a steady hand! 🍻😄"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

64 shares on Messenger this month:

Checking my iced coffee rewards points like it’s my 401k.

41 shares on Messenger this month:

I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror this morning, so I guess once again my personality will be doing all the work today.

20 shares on Twitch this month:

If you accuse me of yelling, you will start to hear yelling so you can note the difference in the future.

32 shares on Instagram this month:

Strict parents raise good liars.

43 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’m going to need to rewatch Idiocracy to see what happens next.

71 shares on YouTube this month:

Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.

46 shares on YouTube this month:

Are you my pinky toe, because I will bang you on all my furniture.

27 shares on Discord this month:

That second wave of sleep after waking up too early.

75 shares on X this month:

I’m inventing a website for unemployed people called LinkedOut.

60 shares on YouTube this month:

Non-parents be like: I would simply instruct the toddler to do something he doesn’t want to do, and he would obey.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Coffee ain’t gonna cut it today, I need to be chased through the woods by a machete-wielding maniac.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

People watching you so close, you’d think you were a Netflix series.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Unfortunately, I wasn’t built for casual dating, I’m only built for intense soul crushing love at first sight.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not addicted to Twitter. I’m just a really good listener so I want to know what everyone has to say.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I believe in you. I also believe in Bigfoot so don’t get too excited.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I went to clean bathroom and I’m 99% sure my kids shoot their toothpaste out of a cannon.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Not to brag but I always pick the slowest moving checkout line at the grocery store.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

If I could turn water into wine, I’d have lots of followers too.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

When something Asian becomes popular enough, it becomes Mexican.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Work beers should be a daily thing.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,962

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

The oceans are rising because no one is drinking their recommended 8-12 glasses of water per day.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

I feel like I’m in season 5 of my life, and the writers are just making ridiculous shit happen to keep it interesting.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

My curse was lifted. Do you want to hang out?

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

Just got chills imagining what Tom and Jerry could accomplish if they just worked together for once.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

Marry the man who treats your dumb questions like they’re NASA-level problems.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has viewed:

Cleaning out your camera roll is like the biggest chore ever.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

Me: Hello, darkness, my old friend. Darkness: I have a boyfriend.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

One day you’re cool and then the next, you realize your favorite pair of pants are sweatpants from the grocery store.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

Imagine how organized the first person to write down a recipe must have been.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

My search history is filled with me googling regular words just to make sure I’m using them right.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Twitch:

As a parent you get to see just how much a baby accomplishes in its first year of life. Because you’re awake for all of it.

Just shared via TikTok:

I’m now at the age where sitting cross-legged on the floor is punishable by about three days of full-body paralysis.

Going viral on Facebook:

I’m not fat. I just eat in advance.

Breaking via Twitch:

Stop eating around the bush or whatever the saying is.

Live now on Reddit:

I support Bluesky in theory, but in practice, it’s like a JRPG with no bad guys.

Seen just now on Messenger:

My mom and all her opinions are visiting this weekend.

Spotted on Facebook:

Lord, remove any laziness from my body and push me to my full potential the rest of this year.

Live now on WeChat:

Caveman bartender: “This one’s on the cave.”

Trending via Messenger:

Meteorologists are always talking about the weather and hardly ever about meteors.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Accessories can really boost a woman’s self-confidence. For example, I know I would feel 10x sexier if I carried a sword with me at all times.

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