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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇬 has shared:

USPS tracking: Step 1: We don’t think it exists. Step 2: Delivered.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

I’m actually really fun once you get to know me (takes 3-4 years).

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

One week of daily crunches and I have abs…urdly underestimated how long it will take to see results.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

You can always tell it’s Monday because nobody’s smiling.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

Getting emotional thinking about everything SpongeBob has been through and his resilience despite it all.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

Sometimes I glance over at my boyfriend, and he’s just looking at Google Maps, scrolling around.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

The fact that I procrastinate and still get the job done is the reason I still procrastinate.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

It’s true that I’ve been through the desert on a horse with no name, but for my return trip, I rented a camel named Carl.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

My toddler asked if we could go to the zoo today, and I said, “I can’t see that happening.” Then she literally left the room and came back with my glasses.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

Americans be like, “MM:DD:YY” is how you say dates verbally, and then have a national holiday called “4th of July.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,513

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Discord:

My taste in music ranges from “You’ve gotta listen to this” to “I know, please don’t judge me.”

Live now on Threads:

I’m ugly but I can make u laugh.

Just landed via YouTube:

Just did several sets of some bullshit at the gym… no idea which muscles have been targeted.

Just landed via Slack:

Hey, I came over because the grass seemed really green here, but now that I’m looking back that grass actually looks crazy green, so I’m gonna go.

Seen just now on Instagram:

If I were Noah, I’d bring three of every animal just to create some drama.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Betrayal is when you’re holding a baby, and they put their arms out for someone else.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

The best thing about work is the coffee machine and the drive home.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Not working on myself because I make better content this way.

Just shared via Reddit:

What was the main bloke called in Harry Potter?

Making waves on Snapchat:

If you think one of my posts is about you, it isn’t. Except this one.

Date idea: you tell me every thought you’ve ever had about me.

3 weeks ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like the perfect chance to win the "Most Overwhelmed Dating Experience" award 🏆😅🧠

communication, confession, date, ever, every, honesty, humor, idea, love, me, relationship, tell, thought

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

It was so hot today, I thought I was going to be cremated.

0

2 months ago

cremated, exaggeration, going, heat, hot, humor, i, joke, summer, temperature, thought, today
I would like to see the USA go metric before I die, just so I can enjoy the outrage that would follow.

0

2 months ago

before, die, enjoy, follow, i, just, metric, outrage, USA
Due to unforeseen circumstances, I will be acting weird today.

0

2 months ago

acting, acting weird, circumstances, day, due, humor, humorist, i, quirky, today, unexpected, unforeseen, unforeseen circumstances, weird
They’re making me get out of bed.

0

1 month ago

bed, getting, getting up, making, me, morning, reluctance, sleep, tiredness
Julia Garner most confusing name because it calls to mind both Julia Roberts and Jennifer Garner, but she is neither.

0

5 months ago

both, calls, celebrity, celebrity name, confusing, confusion, garner, Jennifer, Jennifer Garner, julia, Julia Garner, Julia Roberts, mind, most, name, name confusion, roberts
I’m gonna get my vasectomy done at Home Depot like a real man.

0

2 months ago

depot, DIY, home, Home Depot, humor, joke, man, masculinity, real, surgery, vasectomy

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

99 shares on X this month:

People keep inviting me to stuff. I miss the pandemic.

92 shares on TikTok this month:

Dear brain, please stop thinking so much exactly when it’s time to fall asleep.

27 shares on X this month:

TikTok? I still call it a watch.

92 shares on WeChat this month:

Hello, hi. Don’t invite me anywhere until next year. The money is finished. Regards.

93 shares on Telegram this month:

I think they’ve made more Kung-Fu Panda movies in the last 20 years than they’ve made actual pandas.

88 shares on Discord this month:

I signed up to the gym a few months ago and still don’t see any results. I’ll go by there this weekend and ask what’s going on.

91 shares on Slack this month:

You’re a “haha” girl, and I’m an “lol” guy. It just wouldn’t work.

35 shares on X this month:

Ancient Egyptians used to worship cats and write on walls, a practice we still continue to do today on the Internet.

95 shares on TikTok this month:

I was dismayed to hear the story of Rumpelstiltskin. I had no idea he was like that outside of work.

37 shares on TikTok this month:

Every laptop should have a “cat” button that disables the keyboard so they can nap.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

Why is it cute when a baby falls asleep clutching a bottle. Yet, when I do it, it’s “concerning”?

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

The IRS needs special envelopes for when you’re not in trouble.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

I think we should all try to spend more time online. It seems to be helping society.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

The week be like Mooonnnday, Tueeesday, Weeeeednesday, Thuuuuursday, FriSatSun

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

So it turns out that being an adult is mostly just Googling how to do stuff.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

All I think about is death and sex.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has shared:

Single bells, single bells, single all the way. Oh, what fun it is to watch those couples fight all day, yay!

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

“Can you multitask?” Yes, actually I am losing my mind and chilling at the same time.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

Weight gain makes me sad. Luckily, eating cheers me right back up.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

It’s wild that “Jason” is a name from ancient Greece, because it sounds like it was invented in Florida in 1983.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Snapchat:

Having divorced parents as an adult is funny because you and your siblings are like, “Damn, who has custody of Mom today?”

Just landed via Pinterest:

They say money doesn’t solve all problems, but it will surely solve all of mine.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

An escape room, but it’s a bean bag chair in a hammock on a water bed in a bouncy house and you’re over 40. Good luck!

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I always sit in the middle stall so I have a bathroom buddy.

Just landed via Threads:

My handwriting makes a pharmacist look like a calligrapher.

Seen just now on Discord:

The worst thing about having children is the parents of the other children.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I don’t know how to flirt, but you can watch me eat fresh fruit in my sundress.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Thinking about taking some time off to focus on cheese.

Seen just now on Reddit:

When I say, “I have to be someplace,” what I mean is, “I want to go home.”

Shared recently on WeChat:

People pleasing doesn’t go well with my black attire.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Date idea: you tell me every thought you’ve ever had about me.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

It was so hot today, I thought I was going to be cremated.

I would like to see the USA go metric before I die, just so I can enjoy the outrage that would follow.

Due to unforeseen circumstances, I will be acting weird today.

They’re making me get out of bed.

Julia Garner most confusing name because it calls to mind both Julia Roberts and Jennifer Garner, but she is neither.

I’m gonna get my vasectomy done at Home Depot like a real man.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨