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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

Feminism convinced women they could have it all. Now they’re 40, independent, and crying in a very nice but empty apartment.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

Sorry, boss, I can’t come into work today. I’m trying to capture the childlike joy of December.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

My coffee and I used to be hot. Now, we’re just bitter.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

Love that every time I finish a snack I have to wave my hands around to prove to my dog it’s all gone, like I’m cashing him out at a casino or something.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

Telemarketer: “Hello, am I speaking to the head of the household?” Me, handing the phone to my cat: “It’s for you.”

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

You should be able to call in sad to work.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

If your wife uses “I” it means she will be doing something. “We” means you will be.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

Unemployed folks always have esoteric knowledge, for some reason.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

You don’t scare me, you’re not my kid noticing her sibling got a bigger slice of cake.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

If you’re cheering for the stormtroopers, we cannot be friends.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,304

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Discord:

I thought Game of Thrones was a pooping contest for men.

Trending via Twitch:

I love making the whole conversation so awkward that the most anyone can say after is “so yeah…”

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Church should be less preachy and more eat-y.

Making waves on Slack:

To the spirits in my walls: going to the store, be right back.

Just shared via Telegram:

Who the hell keeps letting it be Monday again?

Going viral on Discord:

There should be a calorie refund for food that didn’t taste as good as you expected.

Trending via Pinterest:

I’m always looking for new and exciting ways to give up.

Trending via Messenger:

The closest I have ever come to bungee jumping was when I was born.

Trending via Instagram:

If one door opens when another door closes, your house is probably haunted.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Not my room, not my elephant.

Don’t tell me about Stockholm Syndrome, I woke up at 6 AM on my first day of vacation wondering how things were going at work.

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Don’t tell me about Stockholm Syndrome, I woke up at 6 AM on my first day of vacation wondering how things were going at work.
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Commentary:
"Ah, the classic case of 'Vacation Syndrome'—when you're so attached to work that even a beach can't break the bond! 🏖️⏰ Just wait until your laptop starts sending postcards asking when you'll be home! 😂 #WorkaholicProblems"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

18 shares on Slack this month:

One pretty important part of being a dad is walking faster than the rest of your family through an airport.

12 shares on LinkedIn this month:

According to the amount of bacon I just cooked, I’m 4 people.

39 shares on WeChat this month:

I’ve never been kissed under the cameltoe or whatever it’s called.

77 shares on Instagram this month:

One of the most embarrassing things in the world: walking downhill.

17 shares on Instagram this month:

I was gonna get on the treadmill, but then the couch will get sad.

30 shares on Reddit this month:

I might look calm, but in my head I’ve punched you in the face three times.

87 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My theory is that women’s voices contain frequencies that men simply can’t hear.

71 shares on Threads this month:

Why insult someone when you can say something nice in a very sarcastic tone?

13 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If I’m ever in a coma, please pluck my chin hairs.

56 shares on Pinterest this month:

You should be able to like an email instead of replying to it.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

If you have children, you can experience all human emotions before 9 a.m. on Sundays.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry for having no idea what the hell I am doing. It will happen again.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Do you ever think back about all the crazy stuff you did when you were younger, and wonder how you’re still alive?

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Three drinks in and that skateboard outside is looking rideable.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

My CV is so good, companies are still reading it for 9 months.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

In your 20s, you’ll meet a short man. It’s very important you jump over him.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Skinny people are easier to get blown around by storms. These donuts are for my safety.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

The answer is always no, I did not get enough sleep.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Of all the things to lose why couldn’t it have been my appetite and not my mind.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

When I say I’m Christmas shopping the “for myself” is silent.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,702

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

I tell people I rearrange my furniture to change things up, but we all know it’s to annoy my husband.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

I just want to be treated like a hot little French fry.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

Are you spaghetti because I want you to meat my balls?

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

The cashier said, “Have a good day,” but she doesn’t mean it.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

Tuesday is no better than Monday.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

I keep checking my phone like I mean something to somebody. Silly me.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

I came home to find my boyfriend mopping the floor and my first thought was, “who’d he kill?”

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

Back then, my parents were afraid of what I would do on the Internet. Today, I’m afraid of what my parents do on the Internet.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

Lowkey terrifying when someone attractive is actually into you, omg.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all: I watched Rebel Moon 2 and the Netflix app worked well. Showed me the entire movie. In color.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via X:

I’m not sure my body can handle much more of this “getting out of bed” nonsense.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Women watch Netflix with subtitles because they don’t know how to listen.

Just landed via Facebook:

The Princess and the Pea, except it’s a rogue hair on the inside of my shirt driving me crazy all day.

Just landed via WeChat:

It’s too late. I sat down on the couch after work. Go on without me.

Seen just now on Threads:

They should invent a rest for the wicked.

Just shared via Facebook:

Forget Botox. If you really want to look younger, get braces.

Freshly posted on X:

l identify as a Christmas tree. Lit on the outside, dead on the inside.

Just landed via YouTube:

All I’m saying is that porn gives us an unrealistic expectation of how quickly the electrician shows up.

Just landed via Reddit:

God, on inventing the tiger: “Okay, so this is going to be some kind of cat that likes to eat Frosted Flakes.”

Going viral on Threads:

And to my children I leave my collection of tote bags and gift bags.

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