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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

No LinkedIn, I am not “open to work,” I am required to work.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

I’ve named my couch American Idle.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

If you ever have a crush on someone and want it to end, listen to a podcast they are on.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

She asked to see where the magic happens, so I showed her my sandwich maker.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

I hate checking my bank account after having a good time.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

Nobody should be blowing up Teslas. If you just wait a bit, they’ll probably do it by themselves.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

At the grocery store, progressively booing louder as the clerk scans each item.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

Went fishing and actually caught a fish. So now I gotta deal with this shit.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

Relationship status: nobody is cheating on me so that’s pretty neat.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

I have heard that people without dogs have to pick up dropped food themselves.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,446

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Discord:

A general rule of parenting: if you’re having a great day, the day isn’t old enough yet.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s amore. When you swim in the sea and an eel bites your knee, that’s a moray.

Going viral on Threads:

If I could turn water into wine, I’d have lots of followers too.

Just landed via Telegram:

The first step to recovery is addiction.

Spotted on Pinterest:

When you scream into your pillow, the memory foam never forgets.

Shared recently on Facebook:

When people don’t drink coffee, it’s like, okay, but how do you solve the problem of being awake?

Seen just now on Discord:

Have been dipping my toe into doing Pilates, and let me tell you, women are real sickos.

Going viral on Snapchat:

I can do a lot of things, but listening to someone chew is not one of them.

Making waves on Instagram:

I never argue, I just explain why I’m right.

Spotted on Pinterest:

I’m having people over to stare at their phones later, if you want to come by.

Female friendship is all about taking turns being insane. First, one of you is crazy, and the other has to counterbalance by being normal. Then, thirty minutes later, you get to trade.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like a perfect balance between chaos and calm! Just make sure to set a timer for those sanity swaps! 😂🤪🕰️

balance, being, conversation, crazy, dynamic, female, female friendship, friendship, friendship dynamic, humor, insane, insanity, later, minutes, normal, personality, relationship, taking, thirty, trade, turn-taking

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

About to watch Tenet for the first time and I enjoyed it.

0

2 months ago

activity, enjoy, film, first time, fun, fun activity, i, movie, Tenet, time, watch
Do we lazy people actually go to heaven? Or are we being picked up?

0

2 months ago

afterlife, being, heaven, humor, lazy, people, picked, picked up
My ego is bruised so I’m going to ice it with some cold beer.

0

2 months ago

beer, bruised, cold, cold beer, drinking, ego, going, humor, ice, relaxation, self-care
I wish I could be as excited about being awake as my dog is about me being awake.

0

2 months ago

awake, being, comparison, dog, excited, excitement, humor, i, joy, me, morning, pet, wish
Being in your 20s is crazy because, why did you stay with someone you were that incompatible with for that long?

0

2 months ago

20s, adult, being, crazy, dating, humor, incompatibility, life, love, love life, reflection, relationship, someone, stay, twenty, why, young, young adult
Genies are a myth perpetuated by creepy lamps who just want to get rubbed more.

0

2 months ago

creepiness, creepy, genie, humor, joke, just, lamp, myth, rub, want

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

59 shares on TikTok this month:

That awkward moment you can’t understand what somebody is saying after they have repeated it about five times.

12 shares on Threads this month:

The amount I’m sighing these days could fuel a small wind farm.

99 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Why did they call it an Amazon wishlist and not an ‘Oughttobuyography’.

82 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m pretty sure by now that we’re some kind of satire channel on some other planet.

33 shares on Telegram this month:

Googling symptoms until you cry.

73 shares on Discord this month:

Letting her be the passenger princess cause I care about my safety.

58 shares on Reddit this month:

“And on the 7th day he rested”. Obviously God had not yet created laundry at that point.

76 shares on Threads this month:

Porn actresses envy the look on my face when I clean my ear with a cotton bud.

26 shares on Facebook this month:

Heyyyyyy (with the worst of intentions).

80 shares on LinkedIn this month:

People be like, “I’m a work in progress” and never make any progress.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

Pronouncing hyperbole like guacamole.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

Hate it when my alarm goes off in the morning, and I’m still alive.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

Like me, the weather is getting cooler around here.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

The first person to throw out bath water: Uh oh.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

I like my coffee so strong that it wakes up the neighbors.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

All I’m saying is, there are too many songs about love and not enough songs about evenly layered nachos.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

If I ever went to jail for murder, it would be for murdering my printer.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

The older I get, the more I appreciate people who pretend not to notice me when they see me out in public.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

My last straw is way longer than I thought.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

I’m changing the game. I’m starting to thank people from the top of my heart.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Threads:

Some of us better hope Santa doesn’t check social media, because if he does, all we’re getting for Christmas is therapy.

Spotted on Facebook:

There aren’t enough hours in the day for me to do absolutely nothing.

Live now on Threads:

New COVID variant tries to sell you an extended auto warranty.

Spotted on Reddit:

“Out of sight, out of mind” doesn’t work for donuts.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

My mother told me there is a girl for me in every corner of the earth, but unfortunately the earth is round.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

What many call beauty can just be wiped off 90% of the time.

Making waves on WeChat:

I’ve had so much tea trying to get rid of this cold that I’m now speaking with a British accent and am fascinated with the Royal family.

Freshly posted on Discord:

The worst thing I’ve seen as a paramedic is my paycheck.

Breaking via YouTube:

I think I may need professional help. A chef, a butler and a maid should do it!

Shared recently on Threads:

A dating app for people who suck at flirting called Fumble.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Female friendship is all about taking turns being insane. First, one of you is crazy, and the other has to counterbalance by being normal. Then, thirty minutes later, you get to trade.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

About to watch Tenet for the first time and I enjoyed it.

Do we lazy people actually go to heaven? Or are we being picked up?

My ego is bruised so I’m going to ice it with some cold beer.

I wish I could be as excited about being awake as my dog is about me being awake.

Being in your 20s is crazy because, why did you stay with someone you were that incompatible with for that long?

Genies are a myth perpetuated by creepy lamps who just want to get rubbed more.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨