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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

My diet was going really well until I woke up.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

My mind is like someone dumped the entire junk drawer on a trampoline.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

You truly don’t realize how young 20 is until you’re not 20 anymore.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

I don’t argue anymore. I just agree and let the plot unfold.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

Life is like a penis. Sometimes it’s up, sometimes it’s down. But it’s never hard forever.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has viewed:

I see posts like, “If food is too expensive, just grow your own.” Okay, Einstein, why didn’t I think of that?

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

Why are so many people going everywhere whenever I have to go anywhere?

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

Relationships: Because sometimes destroying your life is a two person job.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

Please go out, have fun, have friends, make connections. That mysterious lifestyle won’t save you.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

Does anyone actually know how to pronounce Worcestershire sauce correctly, or do we all just stumble through it and hope for the best?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,541

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on YouTube:

Kinda rude when I spend money, and it actually leaves my bank account. But okay.

Trending via Discord:

If you love me, please don’t ask me to go camping with you.

Trending via Messenger:

Not me out here checking the growth progress of my potted flowers only a couple hours after I planted the seeds in the first place.

Just shared via Discord:

There is absolutely no excuse for laziness. But if you find one, let me know.

Just shared via Pinterest:

I can’t wait to go to bed, get terrible sleep, and wake up exhausted with a sore back.

Just landed via X:

Just once I’d like to buy a house plant that didn’t have the lifespan of a soap bubble.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Distance is my jam; solitude is my peanut butter.

Live now on Telegram:

My only chance at a big house in the country is if I become a rescue dog.

Making waves on TikTok:

It’s that time of year where every jacket you choose is wrong.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Man, these end times are taking forever.

For Thanksgiving don’t ask me about my life, just pass me the bottle.

Funny quote about Thanksgiving: a witty reminder to focus on the wine, not life questions.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who needs deep conversations when you've got a bottle to pour out all your woes? 🍷 Thanksgiving goals: keep the wine flowing and the questions to a minimum! 😂 #CheersToAvoidingAwkwardChats"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

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Social Media Stars ⭐

86 shares on Reddit this month:

Social media needs to crash for like a year so everybody can snap back into reality.

94 shares on Twitch this month:

I hope the world needs to be saved from the apocalypse with video game skills so my teen’s entire life won’t have been a complete waste.

80 shares on Reddit this month:

They should make a Wikipedia for normal people. I should be able to google my barista.

82 shares on Slack this month:

Why does everyone always think that I know what I’m doing? Most of the time I watch myself in amazement and am curious to see what happens.

85 shares on Telegram this month:

I grew up ugly, so I had to be funny, and then got hot in my twenties, so that’s how I became perfect.

45 shares on Slack this month:

Born to be a hater but forced to understand where you’re coming from.

38 shares on Messenger this month:

Slowly I realize why Noah only took animals with him.

40 shares on Telegram this month:

There is a giant spider on my dash so I’m going to have to buy a new car now.

94 shares on Instagram this month:

It’s okay to feed your car a curb, as a little treat sometimes.

20 shares on Slack this month:

If sex was real, I think I would’ve had it by now.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Some days you just feel like a hotel microwave. You’re here, but you don’t have enough power to actually do anything.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I always figure it out on my own, I just need to panic first.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

My first mistake was leaving the womb.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

You know it’s bad when people start telling you, you are the strongest person they’ve ever met.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Work again? Really? Didn’t I just do that yesterday?

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Surely, this is the hangover that will teach me my lesson.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I can already feel that the day is going to seize me instead of the other way around.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

The concept of a drive-by doesn’t really exist in the swamp biome; instead, people rap about doing bog-emerges.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Welcome to my very loose interpretation of ‘functioning adult’.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

The train announcer just said we should keep our personal belongings with us at all times but I’ve left most of mine at home.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,688

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

Becoming an adult was the worst thing I’ve ever done.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

Nobody gets angrier than a man being accused of something he actually did.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

If you want to experience hunger, go and live with a wealthy person or family.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

Applied for an internship to gain experience and got rejected because I didn’t have relevant experience.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

Maybe the grass is greener over there because you’re not over there messing it up.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

Eating the rest of the donuts will keep me from eating donuts tomorrow. My logic is flawless.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

If you lift the cat off the couch and it sounds like Velcro, then it didn’t want to leave.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

I like my bacon like I like my men, slightly burnt and crispy, and probably killing me slowly.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

There’s nothing worse than being in public and you touch something that shouldn’t be sticky and it is.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

Did you guys know that you can actually do whatever you want all the time?

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Telegram:

Technically mixed martial arts can include tickle fighting.

Live now on WeChat:

Drinking coffee because hitting people over the head with a shovel is frowned upon.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

How do I tell Instagram I don’t want to see guys almost eaten by gators?

Spotted on LinkedIn:

If I’m ever in a coma, please pluck my chin hairs.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

If you see me looking zoned out, it’s because I’m having a therapy session with myself in my head.

Seen just now on Messenger:

If you make it through life without being portrayed in a murder documentary, take the win.

Live now on LinkedIn:

There should be a withering shamrock emoji so that people can express misfortune or Irish grief.

Trending via Instagram:

When you drink red wine from a cup, it looks like fruit tea and you are also admired by others for your healthy lifestyle.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I love to watch the enthusiasm of new coworkers, and then their inevitable slow descent into not giving a damn.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it’s like a circus in my head.

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